I finally broke down and told DH what's been going on tonight, and he suggested I tell you lovely people and see if you could give me any coping strategies.
DS is 15 weeks old, and he's absolutely wonderful. I had very bad antenatal depression that is really well controlled now with citalopram. My mood is great, the mental health team looking after me is very impressed with how well I am doing.
However....for about the last week or two, I've been having these really intrusive thoughts about DS being hurt. It's to the point where it keeps me awake and sometimes crying most nights. And now it's starting to happen during the day too. I've just been sobbing in front of DH, didn't even want to tell him what exactly the thoughts were, but he finally convinced me.
I keep imagining someone stomping on DS's head. It's not me, it's someone else, usually teenage boys, and they've got DS on the ground and are kicking him and stomping on him. I am crying now just writing that. It's so awful, and the more I try not to think about it, the worse it gets.
DH has been looking up info on intrusive thoughts and all evidence seems to be that this is really common for new parents. I want to stress I have no thoughts of deliberately hurting him myself. I don't think I have PND.
I would love to hear if anyone has any suggestions as to how I can make it stop? And frankly would really like to know I'm not alone in this. I should be sleeping loads as DS sleeps through the night, but I'm getting more and more tired from lying awake every night.