Advice on beating my spending additction

[ilovejonty]

I am gradually accepting I may have a problem as I have been spending money / buying clothes to make myself feel better (pathetic I know) and my credit card bill is getting to the stage where I am worried about it.

I don't know where to get help or how to try to stop myself spending too much. I have thought about counselling but that will cost even more.

I feel so good for a while (beforehand and during shopping, it lifts me right out of my depression) but after I get home I deflate and feel really guilty and angry and sad. I look at all the lovely things I've bought but feel too frightened and not 'good enough' to wear them, so they just hang there. Sometimes I can take them back for a refund but if not I end up selling on ebay - usually at a large loss. I would really appreciate any tips from anyone else who has suffered this. I cannot cut up my card btw as it's the only on I have and sometimes need to use it for a genuine emergency household expense.

Anyone? I recognise this is sensitive, but can anyone help, even by namechanging etc?

You are not alone.

There are a lot of people who do this, and you have recognised it is getting to the stage where it could be a problem, which is part of the battle.

I think you have to recognise "why" this makes you feel better. What do you feel is lacking in your life that you feel the need to spend, and why that makes you feel better.

I went through something similar a few years ago when I had very low self esteem. My husband had just left me with three kids for a younger woman and I needed to feel in control.

I cut the card up.

I then found a different way to reward myself and make myself feel better. If I get through today without spending anything I don't need to, then I will have a glass of wine.

That is a very simplified version of it all, it is difficult to give you specifics without knowing your situation but it is possible, and in my experience it is easier to give this up than other addictions, I would think.

I think my problem too is to do with low self esteem.

I was bullied at school and constantly called ugly. I have been assured I was not and am not ugly but actually quite attractive. I feel far from that however.

Also when I was growing up I never had many material things and was desperately unhappy, whenever I did have any pocket money (which was not a lot) I would buy anything - something trivial - a pencil for example - and it seemed to comfort me for a while.

I think I associate material possessions and being out in shopping environment (away from home, with other - presumably 'normal' people) with happiness - to fill a gap in what I never had as an (unhappy) child.

I also think I spend to reassure myself that I am not ugly as I do get a good reaction now I am an adult, dressed up, and it says to me 'See you are not ugly'.

Some good insights there already, so you have taken two steps forward 1) admitting the problem and 2) thinking about the reason.

Could you ask your GP to refer you for some CBT on the NHS? There will be a wait of a few months but it won't cost you.