How do you cope with having to make Christmas happen for your family, when you are feeling low?

[Deadworm]

Just that, really. When you feel all the time that you are a crap mother that can't do any of the things other parents do to make their children's days special how do you cope with the day that the adverts and the school and every fucking thread on Mumsnet tell us has to be some dream experience? I don't know what to buy for my children and I find every decision hard to make. I just can't begin to think about it I wish I could slip into a coma until it is over.

Hi. You're trying too hard. I know that sounds silly. but it's true you are trying too hard. I don't know where you live but if you're in Britain, perhaps you're planning a turkey dinner like me. I usually get invited to my parents for Xmas Lunch or to my mother in law. This year i've taken a very brave step and invited them to me for Xmas Lunch. I am having a few wobbles about doing this but I'm reminding myself that it's just a lunch. I will make the effort and do some dusting and hoovering and we will have the fake Xmas tree up but I don't go mad with the decorations. I don't have the patience.

Don't beat yourself up over it. I'm receiving some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy at the moment as I feel that life has got on top of me and everything i do is hard work. From deciding what buy in the supermarket to which shoes/boots to wear for work/shopping. It sounds daft I know but when you're spending some much time worrying about the little things that all add up to a huge issue you're wasting your valuable time on this earth.

I hope you and your children are healthy. the rest happens on it's own. Try to focus on what your Christmas was like as a child. A favourite film on the TV/DVD and perhaps a new board game to play and try to cheat at! Until your younger brother outcheats you and then insists the family play his favourite game that he has memorised so well that he always wins.

I'm going to cook the turkey on Xmas Eve and hope the females ask if they can help and then i'll get them to help me prepare the veg. After lunch I'll ask who wants to come for a walk or who wants to snooze on the sofa. Hopefully there'll be a couple of takers for a walk to the nearby park. Then when we get back everyone will feel refreshed and be ready for a cuppa and a slice of shop-bought Xmas cake.

Make your Xmas Day easy. Cut corners wherever possible. You can buy frozen roast potatoes and frozen parsnips. The shops all sell ready made fresh soups for the starter and frozen desserts, or ready made custard to go with shop-bought Xmas/sponge puddings. Easy as pie!!!!

Hope this helps a bit.

K

Christmas is such a hype. It isn't a dream experience, that's advertising talking and we all know advertising isn't true. My therapist told me this morning that it is the busiest time of year for her part of the NHs - you are certainly not alone.

To an extend I have easy talking, we are originally from the continent where the world doesn't end if there's no turkey and people celebrate Christmas by eating what they all like, plus dh is a priest so by the time he has fought his way through advent, midnight mass and Christmas day services he is spent and the three of us will just hang around. We also have no family to perform for, just good friends to hang out with in the days around Christmas.

Have the kids not told santa what they want? That's the gifts sorted.

Try to tone down your expectations of yourself and of Christmas. If there are presents and food your kids will be happy. And it will be over before you know it. Nobody says you have to enjoy it, good if you could but hey...

Good luck

I agree with the others. Don't believe the hype and don't be so hard on yourself.

We are having roast chicken on Xmas day - one from a supermarket that is already roasted so all you have to do is heat it up. I am a rubbish cook and can't be bothered to slave away in the kitchen all day. DS2 doesn't like it so he is having nuggets! (who cares? it's xmas so let them eat their favourite food) As long as there's a good film on telly, chocolate and a few pressies that's all they need. If you're not having visitors, stay in your PJs all day! Xmas doesn't have to be about conforming to this perfect image that is only used by advertisers to sell their products.