Health Anxiety Anyone?

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Hi all?

I was posting in this area a couple of months back when I came of Citalopram and found the support here brilliant so have wandered over here again as I seem to be having a relapse of sorts.

I was prescribed Citalopram about a year ago after developing horrendous anxiety/depression after DS developed some sort of neurological illness that rendered him unable to walk.

About a month after starting the meds, which really really helped, DS started to show improvement and has since made a slow but steady recovery. He's not back to where he was yet, he is walking but isn't running and as yet can't stand on one leg, but he hasn't stopped getting better yet so we have good reason to feel confident about the outcome.

In light of his obvious improvement and my anxiety levels resembling near normal I dedcided, back in September, to wean myself off the meds which I have to say went very smoothly.

Last week DS had a routine follow up appt at the hospital and it was like one big trigger. The smell of the car and so on took me right back to the start of his problems and I felt the same level of fear and dread as I had last year. It's been over a week now and I can't seem to bring my anxious feelings back to a normal level.

When DS stopped walking the Neurologist diagnosed him via exclusion, it was the only diagnosis left after ruling out everything else so they can't be 100% sure that what they diagnosed is actually what he had/has. This window of uncertainty is horrendous and why I can't stay away from Google but I know it's crazy because he has only ever got better slowly and hasn't developed any new symptoms and continues to develop normally in every way.

I'm starting to wonder if I have PTSD or something as my reaction to the appointment the other week, the first since I came off the meds, was so strong and illogical. I could understand feeling this way if he was deteriorating but that's not the case. It just makes no sense. It's almost as if I am looking for things to be wrong, like I am trying to convince myself he is getting worse. DH says it's obvious being at the hospital caused this and nothing I have seen in DS. DH is trying his best to calm me down by repeating again and again how far DS has come but obviously it's working.

I'm thinking I should just get on with it and get down the Drs and get back on the meds.

it is horrible the way our minds can run away with us, anxiety just feeds on itself doesn't it?

how do you feel about the prospect of resuming the meds? did you come off them as a sort of open experiment to see what happened, or is there a sense of achievement/failure bound up with being off/on them?

sorry it seems like 20 questions but also wondering whether you had any other sort of treatment, such as CBT or relaxation classes?

Hi Mitch

yes, I think you're right you know, I think, when I came off them, it was like saying my life had 'got back to normal'. Thing is, I'm a changed person now, and maybe I needed longer to get used to those changes.

When I was first prescribed the meds I was offered counselling but declined as I felt there were clear reasons why I was having such difficult feelings and didn't see that anyone could say anything that would change anything, but the CBT does sound viable right now. I have heard how useful it can be.

Anyway, thanks for replying, I just needed to have a good old vent this morning.

well you've discovered a vulnerability to anxiety so it could be useful to develop some defences against it, should anything else trigger it in future - what do you think you'll do about the meds, resume or wait and see a bit longer?

Hi Mitch

Will see how I am over the next few days or so. One thing is for sure, I won't let it get as bad as did first time round, oh no no no.

just wondering how things are going?

hope your son continues to improve by the way - they give us grey hairs don't they!

Hi Mitch

How are you?

Thank you for asking, have felt better for the last two days, have been able to absorb myself in other things here and there which is a good sign.

ah, things could be much much worse, thanks

glad you are able to turn your mind to other things. I did wonder if hypnotherapy was any good for this sort of thing, have you tried it before?