panic attack please help

[prettycat]

I'm just so scared i don't know what to do.

I am pregnant and everything is a struggle, getting up, going to work, concentrating. I cry all the time and I think I must be going mad.

I used to be able to cpe but now i don't have anything to fall back on

does anyone know what i should do? I just want the world to go away

Ante-natal depression sweetheart. It's more common now than you think.

I had horrendous AND with both of mine. I hated the world and thought the world hated me. I was aggressive and violent towards dh, said some unspeakable things about my unborn baby and called social services in about myself.

You need to speak to your midwife and tell her how you are feeling. Once you've got it off your chest and realise that you are not a bad person, you'll start to feel a whole lot better. This is like PMT only worse and it's not your fault. The British Medical Journal have done research into this and found that the vast majority of mums who had PND also had undiagnosed AND. But thanks to a lot of campaigning, it is now getting diagnosed and there is help out there.

Don't be afraid to seek help, they are not going to condemn you or take your baby away. And there are lots of other mums on Mumsnet who feel exactly the same. In fact I think there's even an ante-natal depression support thread somewhere...

I've done a thread for you here, hopefully you'll find out that you are not alone and some lovely preggers people will be along to give you advice and support.

Antenatal depression is a newly 'discovered' thing, but IMO its far from new. It's incredibly simialr to PND, and my god, thats awful. (have had twice out of three babies so far)

Tell your MW or your GP how you feel; anti-depresssants are safe to take during pg and breastfeeding with no problems. They will help. Possibly you should ask for some time off work, even a week, to rest.

I am also pregnant (dc4) at the moment and have been through about a 3 month period of extreme downess (though i have an obvious cause for mine). Your baby will be fine, don't worry baout the baby, worry about you first.

I second that, don't worry about the baby. Both of mine are fine and haven't suffered any ill-effects because of my loopiness during pregnancy.

You really do need to talk to someone.

Rhubarb is spot on, prettycat.

I have the worst of obstetric histories and have been totally traumatised through this current pregnancy. But my DH made me see AND as a recognised condition and there is help available. This has made the whole experience more bearable. Can't say I'm jumping through hoops but I can get up in the morning and I am now finally prepared to acknowledge to the world that I am pregnant. I couldn't before. It was hell.

As Rhubarb says, talk to your named midwife. She will know what to do. Counselling is worth considering. I have it provided with work, but if that isn't an option for you, there may be a range of similar support services that you can tap into locally.

And a vote here for Mumsnet! I found that I just couldn't voice my thoughts, fears etc aloud and the only way I could get it all out was to voice it all here. I was able to explain online in a way that I just couldn't get myself to articulate in person.There was always someone to listen and to help.

With good support you can get through it. I didn't know about the AND support thread, so I'm off to hunt it out! Hope to see you around.

you're all so kind

thankyou

I don't care about what happens to me, I just have to make sure my baby is safe

Your baby will be safe so long as you are kept safe.

Your baby is safe in there, but it will really help you and your baby if you tell someone medical. They have seen it before, it is NOT something to be ashamed of and it is NOT your fault.

I'm suipposed to go for counselling. MY GP doesn't understand and when I had a panic attack in his surgery and sat and cried for 2 hours until they closed he just told me to go home and relax and not think about things.

My midwife tells me I have to stop worrying, just like that, like it was a tap i could turn on and off

how can I do that?

I'm sorry, i'm not snapping at anyone here, I just can't live like this

The others are right - you need to get some support. Your baby will be fine. This is definitely not your fault and is beyond your control. I totally understand how hopeless it can all feel.

I could go on for ages about both my AND and PND. I'm now almost at the end of my third pregnancy and am taking anti depressants upon the advice of the antenatal psych to whom I was referred due to my history of depression. She assures me that the baby will be fine as long as I am coping. People don't talk about these conditions but they are more common than you think.

maybe you can think that way; worrying doesnt help anything.
just enjoy your pregnancy.
try to think nice things like how you will feel when you hold your baby, how nice it will be when you will be together.
i remember my pregnancy how dc was kicking, moving and i almost felt his foot, nice memories.

Right, if the GP won't help and the midwife won't help then I suggest you call the mental health team of your local hospital.

I had a crisis team with me during my second pregnancy and they were great. I was lucky though, my midwife was very understanding and knew something was wrong.

Phone your hospital, ask to speak to the mental health team, tell them everything. They'll get in touch with your midwife and hopefully the ball will start rolling from there.

It makes me so angry that after all this campaigning there are still patronising gits out there who think it's just a passing phase.

You don't have to live like this at all, you really don't.

I will try. The hospital intimidates me.

so many people seem to be feeling like this too, I thought i was going crazy but maybe I'm not?

everyone else is so happy I'm having a baby and I can't get happy at all. I feel like I'm letting them down.

Stuff what other people think. You're letting no-one down. More mums would admit to this than you can imagine.

Tell everyone that you need a little space if that's ok, that you're feeling a bit unwell with the pregnancy. The mental health team at your hospital will not intimidate you.

Here is the thread. Just google antenatal depression and see how many hits you get.

You are most certainly not alone. Show your partner too so he knows what you are going through.

Antenatal depression is normal, just as common as post natal depression; possibly more common - it's just that health professionals and women aren't so aware of it. I didn't know there was such a thing as antenatal depression until I got it.

It does feel like you're going mad. In many ways, you are experiencing what it must feel like to be mad, because the pregnancy hormones are playing havoc with your head! It's really really frustrating and you have my complete sympathy.
When I was pregnant, I became a person I didn't like. I was wildy touchy, irrational, obsessed that my partner was going to cheat on me. I felt afraid a lot of the time for no reason, and cried a lot of the time. It seemed hopeless, and like it would never get any better.
That in ITSELF would be hard, but lumped onto that you have the massive expectation that comes with a pregnancy - expectation from others, and from yourself. You are supposed to be ecstatic, blooming, glowing and shining with the miracle of new life. It's a taboo to say that you feel terribly sad, that you hate being pregnant. It's very hard to admit that to yourself, let alone anyone else.

The wonderful thing is, it will pass. The hormones will abate, and you will feel sane again. For me, I tried homeopathy and flower remedies (I was practically drinking the stuff at times) because I was too afraid to go to the doctors. I thought they would stick me on AD's and I didn't personally want that. I didn't know about other options, and I thought people would dismiss the idea of antenatal depression: or that they would decide I was going to be an unfit mother and take my baby away. In reality mneither of those things would have happened, but I was in such a messed up place I couldn't think straight about what treatment options would be wise.
Now I wish I had got help, because maybe I would have got some validation from someone. Perhaps it would have been a slight blip in my pregnancy, instead of consuming a lot of it. As it was, I felt like I was going mad. I wasn't: pregnancy hormones just didn't agree with me.

I agree with getting support from those around you. Antenatal depression is real, and if you can get your partner to take seriously what is happening to you, maybe you won't have to bear this burden alone.
I really hope you can get some help with this. I know what it is like, but rest assured it will go away and you and your baby will be alright
Take care.
x

My antenatal depression started when I informed my boss at work I was pregnant, soon after the doctor had confirmed it to my partner and I. I thought she would be pleased for us, and at least explain how my job would be affected, etc but instead she said, "You'll get no special treatment here". When my face betrayed my surprise/shock, she just continued, "Is that what you were expecting? Special treatment?" Well, that is when the bullying and harassment started as well. She flatly refused to help me lift anything heavy, got me in trouble for taking "breaks that were too long" and wondered why I needed the loo every hour.

I couldn't take it anymore and went to HR and also my GP. My GP was quite good, wrote a sick line for my work and I turned that in along with my one week's notice. I started to see a psychologist not long afterwards, and I still see her about once a fortnight (now 33 weeks pregnant). The support of my partner is/was crucial.

I'm sorry you're not geting adequate support from your GP. Why don't you ask for a referral to a community psychiatric nurse or a psychologist? I know how you feel, with the low moods and crying. I was so, so tired and couldn't understand why it was supposed to be such a happy time but I was so miserable. Everyone kept saying I should enjoy being pregnant, but I wasn't... I was constantly feeling sick, tired and undervalued by the bullying and harassment.

It does get better, but very slowly. It doesn't go away with a wave of a magic wand, unfortunately. With the right help, your thoughts will turn round and your outlook improve.

Is this your first? This is my first and I didn't know any pregnant people, or have anyone to talk to except my partner. Go to your GP and ask for a referral and get the help you deserve and need!

Listen to Rhubarb! I am 25 weeks and am involved with the crisis team for my AND (went postal about two weeks ago and ended up in hospital). You can get treated and the feelings will get a bit more manageable.

I am in awe that my baby is safe and growing well, because I felt so crap that i wasn't eating or looking after myself, but your baby is taking all the nutrients it needs from you - which is another reason you feel so awful.

You may not enjoy everything about your pregnancy, but if you get some help you will at least be able to feel positive about it and to begin looking forward to the future. The hospital staff (esp. on a crisis team) know what they are talking about and will make you feel comfortable. They do not judge you in any way and really do make a difference. Try to speak to someone or get referred to a mother and baby consultant.

Good luck x

Sweet heart I had pre-natal deperssion and wanted to go to sleep and not wake up, promised myself that I could die as soon as my baby was born, cut my leg with a knife and many other things that seem unthinkable now.

I know that it is so hard to see a way that your life could be good again and it feels like it will never end but it will.

You are just ill. A phisycal (sp?) inbalance in your brain and it is very treatable.

You can get help via your hospital, by going back to your gp (maybe with someone to support you if poss) you could call MIND (google for phone numer)

Please remember that you are just ill. Not your falt so dont give yourself a hard time and dont be ashamed. Maybe think of how you would react to a friend who was feeling the way you are. I bet you would be kind and supportive. Now is time to be kind to yourself.

much care and hugs xx

here is a link if you google, like rhubarb said there is loads of info out there. They think about 1 in 10 women may be affected.

If your midwife etc aren't supportive ask if there is a perinatal team at the hospital, they are the ones who looked after me and they were very good.

Basically I developed crippling anxiety when I was pregnant, to the extent that I couldn't leave the house. I was aware that I was being irrational but that didn't help how I felt - I gave up work early and DH had to do all the shopping and everything, I was too scared to go out. Looking back on it I think I was a little depressed as well - I withdrew from my family, didn't want to do anything or talk to anyone and lost interest in eating etc.

However as soon as the baby came it vanished! It was definitely down to the pregnancy hormones.

Do you have a partner who could talk to GP/midwife/etc and get them to understand that this is a real problem that needs sorting out?

Thankyou evreyone so much. It is good not to be alone

I went to the mental health team today. They are getting me another referral to someone who does CBT (??) which is at least not pills.

I still cry every night. I wish it would stop.

I was diagnosed this morning after weeks of feeling bloody awful. My DP phoned my midwife from Australia and gave her the whole story. I am seeing counsellor this afternoon. Awesome midwife.
I have been told to take time off work, take time for myself and not blame myself for all the things I can't control.
With DP in Australia it is very hard to do it all alone but he has still been amazing.