Anyone got any wise words to calm me, please? :(

[maybebaby23]

Hi,

Bit of backgound for you..im 35 weeks pregnant, have had general anxiety/slight agrophobia/social phobia/health anxiety/OCD (thoughts not actions iykwim) you name it ive had it for years now (since i was about 6 years old, now 23) It started with a fear of choking and i stopped eating. Then a fear of being sick. Then fainting which i still have. I have never seen anyone about it all because ive learnt to live with it. Only my mum and DF know about it. It doesn't stop me from doing things normally because i dont let it. I know its only anxiety and so i have used my own techniques to deal with it each day. However sometimes it all gets too much. This is my 2nd pregnancy and first time round i was fine up until 30 weeks. Then i found i could no longer handle the anxiety. It was crippling. I stopped going out for the last 5 weeks but was happy enough at home getting things ready etc.

This time i cant stop going out because i have DD 3.8. I cant cope with the dizzy spells, the racing heart, the feeling that im going to pass out, shaky legs, everything around me feels huge and too close, i need to get away. Its bloody awful and i cant control it in the last weeks of pregnancy for some reason. The symptoms are too strong. (because of hormones? no idea) I have to take DD to and from nursery, i have to go shopping, i have to watch DD in her first nursery christmas play, take her to the christmas fair etc and im sat here in bits because im so scared Stupid stupid anxiety, i KNOW thats all it is and yet i can't control it now. I hate allowing myself to feel like this when i have dealt with it and mostly "won" for so long.

I had the swine flu jab yesterday after much stressing and now im feeling all achey with a sore arm and very hot. But i know that my face is flushed because im panicking. No temp. When im distracted i suddenly realise i feel fine. Then it comes back so its just all in my head (apart from the sore arm of course!) Im panicking about having side-effects and my mind just wont let me drop it

I know this is no good for my baby. When im home im calm (apart from this vaccine panic now) I know you are all thinking i should see someone about it but i dont want to because once i have had this baby i will be fine. Last time i felt fine as soon as i got home with baby. Back to normal. The anxiety never goes away completely but i seem to deal with it and am happy as a "normal" person. No-one has any idea i struggle with this. I think focusing on it with therapy or something just wouldn't work for me because i cant drop thoughts, it would just linger on the surface and i would struggle more. I probably make no sense here and im not sure what i want you to say tbh, just needed to vent and see if anyone has any tips to help me stay calm for these last 4 weeks of my pregnancy.

Thanks for reading

I know how you feel, I have anxiety and get myself into a tizz over nothing at the best of times. I had my SF jab last week but unfortunatley had a cold coming on at the same time (i know this as all my family have it too and I was the only one to have the jab) I think all I would have had would have been a sore arm.
My anxiety started after I had DD1 but with DD2 something in me seemed to relax (maybe cos I was soooo busy I didnt have time to think about things) I have had CBT do deal with my panic attacks and found it really helpful, if you are struggling you should speak to your GP and see if you can get referred for it IMHO it was great to break the cycle of panic attacks and you dont need to tell anyone else if you dont want to.
Try to relax, take some lovely baths watch crap on telly and eat chocolate, spoil yourself.

i know it's not what you want to hear, but you need medical help and advice

you can learn coping mechanisms and strategies and might even benefit from some medication

the sort of anxiety issues you describe are not that uncommon and your GP should be able to help you

i think you have tried to live iwth it and manage it for so long and you need to accept that you need more help

there is no reason to think that these anxiety issues won't manifest themselves in some other way after the baby is born

sorry if it's not what you want to hear, but that is what i would do, and I had depression/anxiety issues too

Thanks for your replies ladies. Ellielou i hope mine settles as yours did after you had your second child! Good to hear.

Lulumama thanks for your reply. I know i should see my GP really. Im just embarassed/afraid. Maybe if it doesn't settle down after DD2 i will just write it all down and go. But once the tears start they wont stop and thats what im afraid of. They might think im crazy once they find out! I know im being silly. I feel a bit better for getting it off my chest anyway.

Can you pay to see a total stranger about it? I think i'd rather that than my own GP..do you know anything about it lulumama? Lie cost or anything. Thanks

Elastic band on wrist. When the 'bad' thoughts start, snap it HARD (enough to make your eyes water)

It will derail that train of thought

Really colditz? I can see how that would work actually...im going to try that, thanks!!

You should see your GP, after all anything you tell them will remain confidential you would then get referred to a psychologist and again everything would remain confidentail.
I should have elaborated but have not been very well this last week with a chest infection, something did relax inside me but I am still anxious about some things ie when I am not well or worried about something I start getting myself worked up but having had the CBT it is easier to break the cycle and not have a panic attack IYSWIM.

you could see a private GP, not sure of cost, and a private therapist/counsellor and costs vary

believe me that your GP will have seen it and heard it all befor and it remains confidential

Thanks ladies. I know it would be confidential its just that ive had my GP since i was a baby and nothing has ever been said about my anxiety so to go to her now and say this has been going on for years, im sure either she wont believe me or will think ive lost the plot!! I dont know. Thanks for listening anyway. Will see how it goes after baby and take it from there.

How about writing it down and handing it over to your GP? Or seeing a different GP in the practice?

I would hate to think that you were suffering such anxiety, and feel that you can't talk about it to a GP simply because you have dealt with it yourself all of these years without telling the GP. Believe me, this happens a lot. It's only when it gets overwhelming that someone will see the GP over such an issue.

Right now, I am suffering something I have also had for years, and never told my GP. But it is getting to the point where I may have to go and "confess", so I do understand where you are coming from.

But, honestly, they will have heard it many times before. And your GP will mostlikely be in awe of your courage in telling her now. You will feel so much better for getting it out in the open, surely?

A problem shared is a problem halved...

I really do hope you reconsider, that is what your GP is there for.

HTH

Thank you for your reassuring post twoisplenty. It is good to hear of someone else who is in a similar situation (although not good for you of course)

I was thinking of buying a book in the self help section..might have a look. Someone printed out something for me off the net a while ago and it had coping strategies etc, after reading that i felt so much better it really helped me. Maybe i will go have a look today and try that first (if i can pluck up the courage to go to the shops that is! ). It is never ever this bad normally it must be aggrivated by hormones or something. I cant quite believe ive posted about it!

Thankyou for all your replies, i have felt better just for sharing it!

Well, I have just started my own thread, and I can't believe it either! But it is reassuring to "talk" to people but to be anonymous (sp?)

Could you buy the book off the net? It might arrive at your door tomorrow.

Maybe - I suffer in exactly the same way as you (but have had it a bit longer as am now 38, started at about 12). I have been on Prozac but came off it when I found I was pregnant again and TBH I had more of the racing heart, shallow breathing symptons while on it than off it!

I found some books by a lady called Claire Weekes helped immensely. You can probably get them from your library. They explain in detail how the nervous system works and that you are not crazy and pathetic (as I used to think I was) but that you have a 'nervous illness' and need help to heal it. They are called 'self help for your nerves' and 'essential help for your nerves'. Once you understand whats going on inside yourself, it is so much easier to deal with and I no longer panic about my symptons. Reading these books has helped me more than CBT did. HTH!

"I think focusing on it with therapy or something just wouldn't work for me because i cant drop thoughts"

It's because you can't drop thoughts that you might benefit from therapy, so if you aren't going to go to the GP then read up as much as you can on anxiety and on CBT type methods of dealing with it. In a way, it's not about 'dropping' thoughts, it's about accepting them but learning not to be overwhelmed by them. I had pregnancy-induced OCD and one of the big things I had to realise in the end was that I wasn't aiming to get rid of all the feelings of anxiety I had about certain things - it was to not react to those anxious feelings in a way that fed back and made things worse. Sort of mentally stepping back and saying "yes I feel a bit anxious about that right now" worked better than fighting the feeling, although it was hard to do at first.

Panic attacks are something like that too, you focus on the symptoms more so they get worse so you focus on them more - panicking about panicking, making it worse. This page has lots of information -

www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/panic_attacks

Try hard not to give too much weight to anxious thoughts - just accept that they're floating round in your head, but they don't mean there's anything to worry about. (That might sound really trite but it was at the heart of it for me - I was giving so much weight to my anxiety that it was feeding back and making me more anxious. Just accepting some of it as there but not that important really helped.)

Can I just say that when I 'came out' to my GP recently and had a massive surge of courage and told him everything (including the scary thoughts), he never blinked an eye and immediately said 'Why did you let yourself suffer for so long'.

I can also recommend Claire Weekes. So reassuring and common sense. And as I remember, it isn't a huge book, so it is "readable".

Thankyou so much, excellent helpful posts Will be looking for the books by claire weekes!! And yes i will order them online even though i hate knowing im avoiding going out to look because of the anxiety

twoisplenty - thanks for taking to time to reply about my problem when you have your own to deal with too..i hope you get the support you need.

Bigmomma - thanks for sharing, i can't believe there is someone who feels the way i do! silly i know, there must be plenty out there who feel the same but you know what i mean The printout i have somewhere explains exactly what is going on inside and that is what really helped me, each time i felt panic coming on i could imagine what was going on inside me and what was causing the feelings. I have managed it much better since reading that but like i said for some reason in the last weeks of pregnancy nothing helps. So i am looking forward to getting hold of those books and going over it again. It is interesting what you said about prozac making you feel worse. I wonder why that is? And im glad your doctor was so good about it when you told him

icallit - thanks for your reply, makes total sense i will have a look at your link! I was able to stop panic attacks while out shopping etc by accepting that i feel anxious and distracting myself, kind of like being over-happy iykwim, laughing about something or suddenly dragging DD over to something to show her and getting involved so my mind was busy..then thinking back to how the symptoms went away without a full blown attack really helped me see that its all chemical, inside my body and nothing bad is going to happen afterall. Also thinking of the flight/fight response and telling myself "so what if i pass out, it wont kill me!" Really helped me.