Please help me decide what to do. I keep changing my mind

[twoisplenty]

Last week it was my dh birthday so I booked a meal for two at a lovely little restaurant. I did this for two reasons, one because our relationship needs some tlc, and secondly beccause the restaurant is owned by my friend and I like to support my friend.

I had to cancel the booking and felt I was letting my dh and friend down.

The reason I cancelled is because I have been having counselling for a while, and sometimes my ed flares up. I had been ok for a bit, so booked the meal without thinking. And then my ed came back and I can't eat or deal with food atm. So I cancelled.

BUT

my friend texted me to say that she had a table for this Friday, and she would give free drinks to my dh for this birthday, it was a shame I was "ill" (I had told her I was ill and she wanted more info, so I told her about a stomach bug - feel guilty about that too but she wouldn't understand about ed or counselling).

THEN

my fil and mil heard about the meal, and that it had been cancelled and said they would like me to book it again, for the four of us, for this Friday.

So do I book, and try my best to eat

or

somehow explain to my dh, my in-laws and my friend that I cannot do it.

Please help, I need to decide this morning as I need to let my friend know one way or the other.

It's not just ed, it's also a general low feeling, not coping etc.

Hi twoisplenty . I don't have a ED so I can't really sympathise, but can try and offer an objective opinion.

Do your family/DP know you have an ED? If so, I would keep the booking but explain to them that you are struggling at the moment and would appreciate it if nobody mentioned it so you can all have a good night. Then just push food around and enjoy the evening.

If they don't know, then you could go and order and push food around and if anyone says anything just say you aren't feeling yourself and don't have much of an appetite. That way everyone else gets to have a good time and you don't have to stress. If just seeing the food distresses you, not just the eating then you have another issue to deal with I guess.

Either way, if you can face it I would try and go. If you can focus on something else whenever the food issue rears its head you can probably get through the night and everyone else will enjoy themselves. It is afterall just one night. Hope this helps and I don't sound patronising.

Thank you Bucky. In the end, I rang my friend and explained that I would like to postpone until the new year, but look forward to it then. She was absolutely fine and lovely about it.

I know it was the right decision because I felt relieved after the phone call. And because my ed is even worse today, so I would never manage to keep calm in a restaurant atm.

Thanks again.