Doctor visits and lying abotu how you feel

[fernie3]

We are TTC and I am not pregnant yet BUT something that is weighing heavily on my mind is that when I DO get pregnant I will have to go to the doctors.

I went a year or two ago about my anxiety and other problems and found it very hard. I did want to talk about why I was anxious but just found that I couldnt and so ended up virtually arguing with the doctor and leaving (embarrassing).

Since then I have managed to live my life along with all the anxiety etc. I still have pretty much all the problems I had before but they have just become part of my life and so dont seem so unusual now.

When I go to the doctors they always ask how I am feeling and it always upsets me because I dont know how to reply, I always say I am fine but really deep down I know that I am only fine because I have got used to not having a life that is not as as full as I used to, I avoid going places I dont have to. I have never returned to work (which was a big thing) and even things like I tend to hide away in the bedroom everynight because being downstairs makes me very anxious. I have days where things completely overwhelm me and other days where I am not too bad.

The doctor asks things like " do I sleep more or less than normal" no I sleep fine "so I eat more or less than normal" no and do i feel suicidal or like harming myself which I would have to say no, on very bad days I have developed a habit of scratching at my arms when I am anxious but thats more subconcious rather than a real effort to hurt myself.

People always tell me how well I am doing and in a way they are right, one of my daughters friends mother is always going on about how I make clothes for my children and use cloth nappies etc and how she could never do this and its true things like that I find fine along with housework and cooking etc. But I think if she knew that I spend my evenings fighting back anxiety and flashbacks and some quite disturbing thoughts then she probably wouldnt think I was so great!

It always gets worse when I am pregnant and I am prepared for that but I just need to be able to tell the truth to the doctor when I go. With my last baby I kept having to be kept in because of high heartrate etc as I would have panic attacks of course after a while it would be normal.

I dont really know what the question is here I am just looking for some advice! does anyone else feel like they have had to change their whole life to cope with anxiety or depression? is it a bad thing or a good thing? owuld you keep saying you are fine even if you are not so sure?

Wow you are one strong person!!!

Just one question goes round in my mind when reading your post: Why do you have to be fine? I mean I do not need to know the answer but do YOU know it? And do you realise that you play down what is going on even on here?

It sometimes is very hard to start admitting that something is wrong. It took me a long time to face up to the fact that I had a problem and that it was serious enough to be labelled PTSD! A very good friend who helped me through the roughest bit and helped me realise I had a problem calls it the lalala syndrome as in saying lalala I am fine with your fingers in your ears.

Could you imagine saying to the doctor 'No I do not feel fine but I find it really difficult to talk about it?'

From the sound of it you have said enough or subconsciously shown enough for the doctor to go through some sort of depression/anxiety questionnaire with you.

This is no way to live your life and I don't think you need to. No one is going to label you a bad mum or anything like that for seeking help.

thanks for your reply. I dont really know why I have to be ok I am just constantly trying to be just ok.

You are right when I read back my post it does seem to play down what is going on, I dont think I have ever really got the depth of it across to the doctor either. I find it hard to talk about myself and problems online let alone face to face and so I have only ever told the doctor about having some panic attacks nothing else even though there is a long list of things which I am aware are not normal to feel or experience on a regular basis.

I have no idea what is actually wrong when I have read of anxiety problems it does fit in alot of ways but in other ways it doesnt so I am not sure what to really say to the doctor plus I am afriad to go into too much detail about what I am feeling now as some of it is fairly odd.
I dont want to talk too much about my past as alot of it I do not want people I know currently to know tbh its not very nice and I dont want people in real life to change how they think of me because of it even my husband doesnt know most so it would be awkward for me to tell the doctor.

I think that I DO need to just say that i am not fine to the doctor I know that once I say it it will be out and then I can move on to whatever comes next. I hope one day I really can just admit I need some help!

You also do not need to do the doctor's job for them. it is enough to say what you are feeling - they why comes later! Quite possibly not with the doctor but with some form of talking therapist even if only CBT to get some handle on your anxiety symptoms.

And I sympathise with your fears of how people will see you - but I discovered some horrid things about my past - shared them and then found that people said well we love you just the way we always did.

I guess what I am trying to say is the hurdles may not be so high as they seem.

Maybe you can start with writing things down just for yourself = see if you can make any connections. hat may help you clarify things in your mind.

And one more thing - once you share what you think are strange thoughts you will find they are disturbinglly common

I am going to try writing things down although I think even that will be hard!
One of the things I find so difficult is actually describing how I feel to the doctor. They ask about specific symptom i.e dizziness or terror but often its not anything like that and its hard to describe. Perhaps writing down will help me to find some sort of description of it.

I know you are right the things which seem so awful in my head probably are not that unusual it always feels worse in thoughts doesnt it!

I went down the list route when I was really unwell and couldn't calm down enough to string a sentance. Someone who has had problems and know me well helped talk to me, and say what they notice had chnage too - that was really helpful as I wan't even aware of some of the effects the anxcety was having. It made it much easier talking about it to health proffessionals.

I actually saw a nurse practitioner not a GP, so it was slightly less intimidating. Is this something your surgery do? If not, maybe you could ask (or get someone to ask for you) to see the doctor who is their MH specialist - I seem to remember that all surgeries are suppose to have someone named.

Once they had established I did have a problem with anxiety and depression, they prescibed AD immediately and offered to refer me - they did not want details about anything in the past and were hapopy to treat me without insistin I talk to anyone.

Hope you manage to get how you are feeling accorsds to the GP . if that what you want. Perhaps it would help to talk to someone via helpline first? I could dig up the details of a couple if that would help?

btw probably worth mentioning I didn't explain every thing when I asked for help - I told the I was bonding with my baby well, was not having suicidal thoughts and had not had problems with anxiety in th past! A load of all cobblers.