Have just sat down with a glass of wine and am feeling quite sad at how quickly time goes. Tomorrow is DS1's 12th birthday. His birth was extremely traumatic and the first weeks and months of his life were very difficult, I couldn't breastfeed, he had terrible colic and I felt like a terrible failure as I just couldn't bond with him. I became very depressed and to be honest all I remember of the 1st 6 months of his life is a big black hole. I did slowly get better but for years I felt a hideous guilt about my failure to bond with him. When he was 1 he a big operation and I was so low I was convinced he would die because I didn't love him. For years I really feared our relationship was beyond mending. I am so relieved to say that is NOT the case. Today despite normal family angst we are so close and have a great relationship based on shared interests and a love of chocolate!! I am so proud of him. PND didn't ruin everything.