Can someone come and say something soothing, I have a bad health phobia and both my children are poorly

[Restrainedrabbit]

To put this in context I was widowed 9 years ago (DH1 had cancer) and my Dad died suddenly in 2007, I have always been an anxious character but since being widowed, losing my Dad and having children I have got the most awful health phobia/emetophobia. When anyone in my family so 2 kids, DH and me are ill I have dreadful panic attacks and feel I can't cope - I'd rather be anywhere than dealing with whatever the problem is The piggy flu thing this year has been my worse nightmare and forced me to deal with this, I am currently on a waiting list for CBT but meanwhile am trying to do lots of relaxation exercises.

So both my children are ill at the moment with some un-named bug: got a cough, fatigued, clingy and DD was sick this afternoon once. Neither of them are eating much either. I've got a cold so intially thought that was the problem.

I am really struggling to cope this evening, feel very anxious and scared. Just need someone to hold my hand and provide some soothing words, DH although tries hard I don't think he really gets how debilitating this phobia is

Bump

Holding hand restrainedrabbit. You poor thing nothing worse than feeling poorly yourself and having to look after the kids as well.

Now how are you all now?

DS (1) went to bed at 6.30pm and fell straight asleep, DD (3) went to bed surrounded by towels (!) and is currently looking at books - she seems quite perky and said she felt hungry after she was sick so dunno what is going on there My cold is actually not that bad just feel drained and anxious, really hoping the CBT does some good as I don't want to be like this for much longer. GP offered me ADs not long ago but I couldn't face the potential side affects.

I am glad things are quietish on the DC front. I haven't had CBT but it does seem to help many people so hang on in there. Lets hope this is the last time you all get poorly and you feel so anxious.

You have had a bad time so it is no wonder that you are concerned but you must remember that because awful things have happened in the past they will not happen again. You have had your share of bad things and you coped with them. You are a star for having to deal with everything you have. Be kind to yourself

I understand. I really do.

I have the same phobia and although it is much improved sine CBT I remember that fear and isolation. Some days it still touches me (like today infact - kids have D&V and DP about to go away with work) and although it's a shadow of it's former intensity it is still horrible.

Like you I lost people young. I also had a health scare myself.

It's a horrid, horrid phobia and when it consumes you it's impossible to imagine ever being able to cope in the face of illness. But CBT can help and you can get to a point where you wonder why you let it affect your life so much.

I hope you have an OK night.

I don't have a phobia in the sense that it affects my daily life but I do hate it when the dc are sick. I try to get OH to deal with it but of course there are times I have to deal with it.

My very pathetic solution (but it works for me!) is to really concentrate on something else while I am involved in being the nursemaid. This is hard but I may concentrate on something nice or just spelling a difficult word over and over again. Not a fool prove suggestion but does work a bit.

The other thing I do is try to make the days they are poorly as good days. So we cuddle up on the sofa, under the duvet and watch dvds etc. We don't do any of the chores at all just the bare minimum so although I hate it I have tried to associate the being ill with a good relaxing day.

You will find coping mechanisms and you are not alone!

The thing with this phobia it feels like it is my life at the moment, I don't think - like you say - it will ever go but like a physical condition, diabetes for example, I'd like to feel I could at least find ways of managing it IYKWIM?

The coping mechanisms is key, today I have been trying to stay distracted as well as keeping as relaxed as possible through playing soft music etc. Also having a quick look at Moodgym online.

I think distractions work really well but the key is to recognise that the anxiety does eventually go away (during the day) so that fighting it doesn't make it go any quicker! It's quite hard to realise and sort of take that in I think.

Once you resign yourself to it, in some ways, it makes it easier to handle.

But it's very hard to understand that when you are in the middle of something that really freaks you out.

Your're right Fox, when I am not anxious I find it easy to be rational and think about it all rationally.

I look back now and wonder how on earth I coped when DH1 was ill - which was hundred times more traumatic than anything I have gone through since - so why can't I cope now?

well that's the key thing rabbit. You're not acknowledging your successes because they are veiled in such sadness. It was a credit to you that you dealt with that but you've not given yourself that credit and you should. You are probably better than all of us at dealing with sickness, you just don't like to have to do it because of all the connotations associated with sickness in your past.

But you're doing it. You did yesterday and today is nearly over. You need to start congratulating yourself for what you are achieving and acknowledge that you can't change the anxiety over night. You've done the sensible thing and asked for help. In fact, you sound more in control and rational than most people I know .

and you are coping you know. You're just a bit frightened.

Have you always been like this or just since your Dh was ill? If just since he was ill could ba form of post traumatic stress disorder. I know exactly what you mean that it feels like a physical illness and that it will never go away . I have been trying to do an online CBt course but have found this book to be quite helpful - still at the first stage of it but it explains everything wrll:

Mind Over Mood - Dennis Greenberger PhD, Christine A Padesky PhD
ISBN 978-0-89862-128-0

Fingers x Dcs get better soonxxx

I understand too Rabbit, it's a horrible feeling, I'm on AD's for it now and am also waiting for CBT, I don't have any words of wisdom, just to say your not alone. I know it's hard but try to relax as much as you can and try to do something that distacts you away from bad thoughts, I really hope you feel better soon and get some peace of mind

Thank you for the vote of confidence Fox I do suffer from self esteem problems.

Rumpel - I have always been an anxious person but I went from just getting anxious when stressed to anxiety around illness. Book sounds good, will have a look.

Oh God - I know it's the most awful thing in the world - you feel like such a pleb for being so worked up about something seemingly trivial when you have watched your DH go through cancer and other people have worse etc etc but you just can't help the way you feel . Wish there was a magic pill to get rid of that mindset - ADs don't get rid of it but they do help you to cope. I don't have illness anxiety mine is weirder but I do understand how you feel.

Good luck.x

Thank you for your kinds.

DD climbed into my bed at 3am because she didn't feel well, almost unheard of here - they last time she slept with me through illness was when she was about 16mths old! I couldn't sleep after that for fear of her being sick or any other problem, DS woke at 5am and I couldn't settle him so he came in with me too! Gave up at 6am and DH took DS downstairs and sorted him out.

Felt drained today but trying hard to relax, was doing well until DD said she had tummy ache again so now feel like a cat on a hot tin roof

If someone said take this magic pill for the rest of your life and this will go away I would.

Me too . I'd give up my hair and everything . Are they better now?

oh god anxiety, too dreadful..it's like putting yourself in a jail cell then locking the door and knowing you have the key to open it but not knowing quite how to do it

I hope you don't have too much longer till they are better

Good analogy FOX!

how are you feeling today?

had the same the last 5 days with my 3 children!

x

Thanks everyone, sorry I forgot to come back to the thread

Survived the bug, just about! Now DD is complaining of a tummy ache so fingers crossed its just one of those things and nothing too serious...sigh..

Sigh, had a letter through saying due to overwhelming demand for CBT in my area I won't be seen for a while. Was hoping to be assessed soon in order to get some coping strategies for the winter season