It's on my mind all of the time, I 'daydream' about people close to me dying including (I am ashamed to say) my little 7 week old baby. There is a lovely song I had on my labour CD and just after my babe was born I listened to it with her in my arms. Yesterday I was listening to it in the car and ended up thinking about playing it at her funeral, now I can't listen to it without crying and I have lost that lovely feeling I had from that song. I imagine everything in detail and end up crying and crying. My Dad died last November and in the run up to the anniversary of his death I just can't stop fretting. He died at 59 and I am very similar to him genetically. I can't stop thinking that I could already have had over half of my life and will not live to see my girls grow up.
I was on anti-depressants throughout pregnancy for ante-natal anxiety and panic attacks. I'm now still on Sertraline and have been reducing my dose. At present I have no panicky feelings but this constant thinking about death is awful. I also keep having nightmares that my lovely Dh is having an affair or has left me . I wake up feeling so sad and find it hard to shake off the feeling all day.