Almost pushed over the edge

[Chyla]

I am feeling so depressed today I just nearly did something stupid. As you all might kow from my previous posts I have been having problems with my mother. I am 21 yrs old and she never has nothing nice to say about me.

She forced me into abortion when I was 17 yrs old and forced me to do childcare at college. I eventually after a year left to do IT which I flourished in, but she went mad at me leaving the childcare.

She thinks it is my duty to her to go to the shop when she needs something, go to the bank when she needs bills paying and do all the housework everyday before she gets home at 1pm.

Just today for example though, I have made her a nice lunch for when she was home. She pretty much refused it because shesays she is on a diet butit was only beans on toast. Then the internet broke, a wire came out or something or other and the internet would not connect and she said 'this only happens when you have been on' and then was swearing. When it was fixed she said I could go on, so I said ok, but was unhappy that I got blamed for it not working so I didnt smile and she went off on one saying that I am never happy and always got the face on.

On top of this, she has this guy on her messenger who she met in a chatroom. He is from kosovo and she has applied for a visa for him to come over in this house for 6 months! She doesnt even know this guy apart from what she knows on the internet. She never EVER misses a night on the internet with him and if I dare to ask to go on when at the time when they chat, I get such an earful.

I just had enough today. I almost took a bottle of pills but thought it silly, although I am so tempted. I just hate her so much.

chyla i am sorry you and your mum dont get on, it must be very hard for you to live together, as for having someone stay in your house, has she not considered her own safety as well as yours. if you ever want to chat CAT me

Sorry I haven't read your other threads. It sounds as though things are very stressful at the moment. do you have any idea why your mother is so controlling of you?

Is there anywhere else you can go to stay for a while? Family or friends?

Hi Aaliyasmum and carribeanqueen, she doesn't think safety would be an issue aaliyahsmum. she thinks it will be safe, although she will be out at work each day and this guy will be here alone or sometimes with me.

Carribeanqueen, I dont have anywhere to stay at the mo. All my friends live far away except one and her parents would never allow me to stay.

Poor you, how old is man who will be staying, does your mum have issues with a need for control over you. have you thought about working away i.e. holiday rep, or working in hotel cos some of these include accomodation, why would your friends parents not want to help

I have tried to get live in nanny work around here but there is none, and hotel work I have tried but I find the waitressing complicated and the other foreign girls who work at hotels are very hard to work with because they speak little english.

Oh, and this guy is about 38, my mother is 45. If she sees me in my nightwear and my strechmarks around my stomach she goes 'eeeeuuuurgggghhhh, they're disgusting' and now it makes me feel really self consience in case I meet a special guy and before I had no problems changing in public in the womens changing rooms at the swimming pool but now I hide away in the cubicle. She is such a witch.

i am 25 now and really happy, but when i was 18-19 i went into self destruct mode,i used to drink and do drugs, i self harmed, and took various overdoses, i to this day do not know what i felt so strongly about to want me to do this, i was in a violent relationship and didnt feel like i had a way out, then i discovered i was pregnant and within a week or so i had turned my self around as i felt i had something to live for, sometimes i feel down aqnd just feel that i can no longer cope with life but then i look at my self in pictures of when i was 18-19 and thing how could i ever leave my dd, she is 4 and means the world to me and she loves me even when i cant love myself.
i think you really need to look at your life and decide what you need to change to make yourself happy, from experience i dont think you want to harm yourself i think you just want your mum to see what she is doing and how unhappy you are with the way you are treated.

Hi aaliyahsmum, Im so sorry to hear what you have been through. I'm sure your dd is a very special little girl.

I do want my mum to know what shes doing. She is being a right stupid cow not caring who she hurts at all.

Hi aaliyahsmum, Im so sorry to hear what you have been through. I'm sure your dd is a very special little girl.

I do want my mum to know what shes doing. She is being a right stupid cow not caring who she hurts at all.

Chyla, I'm sorry I have no good advice except to say don't let her get to you so much. I know it must be excruciating having to live with her but she's not worth destroying your life over. If you do have to live with her I think try to distance yourself as much as you can - and definitely don't let her nasty comments get to you.

And the Kosovan guy situation sounds extremely dodgy. If you're in between jobs perhaps you could look into doing voluntary work - that way you would be out of the house more.

maybe she is unhappy with her own life, and feels she should make yours crap too. the man on the net mite be genuine, but i think she is silly to take the risk, have you ever tried to talk to her about this.
whereabouts are you.

they say they LOVE each other and she has sent around 100 pounds worth of gifts to him when most weeks we cant even afford food shopping. Even this week I have to spend my inheritance from my nan on food.

i can not really comment on internet love as this is how i met my dp,but we were very careful and he didnt met my dd until i was sure it was safe we now live together and are getting married in oct.
if you have inheritance is there no way you can use that to move out, have you considered putting your name on council list

You are 21, not a kid, get yourself out of this situation asap. Your mother sounds as if she is quite self distructive (importing a possibly dodgy man from a country where there is a very different attitude towards women is crazy)Do you have kids? If so you definitely should not let them be exposed to living with a stranger you know little about. For your own sake, try to get away from your mother, it sounds to me that she may be a bit jealous and resentful of you.Try the council, try live in jobs, but get a plan to leave. When you are no longer dependent on your mum she won't have power over you. I know it's a tough situation but pulling yourself out of this mess has to be better than killing yourself! Please try to see that you are strong enough to take control of your life and have faith that you can run it as you want. I'll bet you can, good luck