To Medicate or Not To Medicate??

[HisMother]

My son is now 3 months old and although I know deep down that he's mine he still feels like someone elses.

I've been advised by my GP and Health Visitor that I should seriously consider taking medication for depression brought on by birth trauma but I am keen to try other solutions first and so I have been refered for counselling. I was told it will take a long while to get an appointment and I know tablets also take a long time to work, about a month right? So regardless of which avenue I take I'll have to wait a similar length of time for any progress.

I feel that in my case medication is avoiding the real issue of the trauma by trying to brush it under the carpet but I don't know how long it will take for counselling to have any effect and if it will get rid of the flash backs.

Yes I'm sure I could do both but I need some help NOW. I don't want to look at my son when he's all grown up and remember this time only for being a crappy time in my life. This is not the rosey picture of motherhood I hoped for.

What would you do?

It depends what sort of medication they're talking about - antidepressants can take weeks to kick in, anxiolytics are a bit more immediate. Either or both might have a role to play in helping you to make the most of any talking treatment and to implement any self help measures, on the other hand depression/PTSD could be argued to be self-limiting, like a cold, that you will get over with or without help.

I dont know what I would do in your situation, but a couple of things that come to mind reading your post:

Antidepressants usually work a bit quicker than that - approximately 2 weeks.

Is there any reason why you couldnt do both the tablets and the counselling?

Antidepressants wont brush the issue under the carpet, but some people find that is they are feeling a bit better (as a result of the tablets) then they are more able to make use of the counselling.

I hope that you start to feel better soon.

If I were you I would intially face the birth trauma, as you have said this is where you believe it has all stemmed from.

Have you contacted the Birth Trauma Association? I don't know much about them, but it may be worth looking at their website to see how they can help you.

I am a believer that you have to deal with the root of the problem and in my experience that is dealing with the problem my talking about it and understanding it.

I do hope things improve for you soon. Maybe start a thread on here about your birth trauma, as it is more common than you think

Thank you all for your suggestions. I'm seeing my health visitor tomorrow so I'll have another chat with her about it. I'm not very good at taking medication. I don't like to take even a pain killer. But then again this isn't just a sore head...

I started taking antidepressants when my son was about 6mo. I'd been resisting for quite a long time, thinking I was bonding with him just fine etc... looking back that clearly wasn't the case.

I think mine was birth-trauma related. I did have a good birth, but had a manual removal of placenta an hour after DS was born. When they wheeled me out of the delivery room to I felt like I was done for. Also missed out on initial bonding because I was separated from DS while this was going on.

In my case the AD's took about 2 weeks to sink in, but bear in mind that some (citalopram in my case) can have some side-effects while they start to work.

They really helped me to deal with day to day situations without losing perspective and getting overwhelmed and bogged with everything that having a newborn brings. It helped me deal better with the lack of sleep too - helped lower my level of anxiety, so found it easier to switch off at night.

I did have counselling as well, which was amazing. I was very very surprised at just how much it's helped me, not just with DS and our relationship, but with how I deal with normal everyday things, my perspective is more positive and I can just deal with things better.

This is just my experience, but I hope it helps.

That really does help. I was worried that AD's would make me numb to feeling anything not just the emotions I don't want to feel. I think I'm more open to considering this option now.

Good luck x

Didnt want to read and un but have to be quick. It wasnt rosy for me either and i could not understand it as was so excited in preganancy. Just wanted to say that it does get better and for us it was having a baby was a huge shock. Try to take things as they come, dont force yourself to feel any different to what you do, it is hard having a baby and for me i didnt fall in love with her straight away. She is now 18months and i have to say it took me a year to get ino it but it is so rewarding now. Agree with other posters to tackle trauma issue though but please, give yourself a break from worrying, your lo is only 3 months and it is hard - you would be amazed to hear how many people feel like you but just dont say it! (i found a few in my group after admitting it gently and connected with some people and not with others)

hth