Think I'm going nuts.

[Clarabumps]

i'm on citalopram..ds are 2 and 8months and i'm struggling with the day to day grind of looking after them. i open my eyes in the morning and i could cry with dread. DS1 is at the akward stage where he is clingy yet fiercely independent when he wants to be. i have moved from a city to a small town to be closer to dp's parents(who have turned out to be not much help) I am desperate to get back to work as i have given my job up to be a sahm. the boredom is killing me.

i try really hard every day to psyche myself up and be cheery mummy who does thing with the babies but it seems more often than not to end in disaster. ds1 has just started to give up his naps in the afternoon and i just feel as though its all too much. i dont get a minute to myself.

i am so jealous when dp goes out to work in the morning and i want to present this air of "everythings under control" when he comes in but most of the time i can barely even look at him.

I just feel like i dont know what to do next. i have spoken with my hv and she gave me the whole mother and toddler groups spiel and i've tried that but the competetive nature of the ones where i live is too much to bear.

I'm sorry for sounding depressing but i feel like i'm cracking up and dont want to do this anymore. i want to be a good mum who is well balanced and not hating every single second of the time i'm with them.

Anyone else been in this situation. how did you get through it?

and now i feel guilty that i hate being at home with my kids all day...grrr

please don't feel like that - i've been there and some days am back there.

I found toddler grups were a nightmare. I found it easier to talk to people at the local leisure centre soft play ting or in the baby pool at the swimming pool. Even going to the cafe for a cuppa and a cake as time went faster when i was out of the house.

Could you get a part time job just to get you way from the dcs. I used to feel like sometimes i just couldn't breathe on my own.

wSome leisure centres run creches so the mum can go swimming or the gym or something - could you do this?

i think that i'm just blagging it and that someone will find out in the end that i'm just no up to the job...............it's just so hard

my gp referred me to a group for people with ppnd. it was run by occupational therapists and they tried to help you find a way to make thins easier - there was even childcare for while i was there - all fee too

thats great thanks..thats how i feel too. I look at other mums and they have that "ah well i just get on with it" attitude and i REALLY try to..but i feel like sometimes its just not in me. I have moments where it goes ok then seconds later my whole day comes crashing down around my ears.
i feel like i'm pretending to be a housewife and mother most of the time...and it is pretending..i love my kids to death but i find no comfort in the ironing and general everyday chores. half the time i dont care if the place is a mess. i just want peace..i just want for them not to be moaning at me. i suppose this is normal but when you're in the midst of it all you cant think rationally.
Thanks for taking the time to post.. it sometimes feels like i'm the only one like this.
x

Clara, I know how you feel. I feel pathetic as I only have 1 DS but don't know anyone where we live. I HATE toddler groups, I can't be bothered with all the pretence. I think it comes down to being lonely and a bit sad I am incredibly lonely I think and sometimes it is just so hard to crawl out of the bucket.

I feel like I am constantly chasing my tail, can never ever get on top of things. It's such a funny place to be, a bit confusing I find!

i felt like this when i had one as well. having two has just intensified the problem so you're not pathetic. i'm lonely too..evryone down here just wants to talk about what theyre making for the dinner or about kids. i dont have anything else to talk about either but i just dont want to talk about kids! argh!!

Oh gosh I KNOW exactly where you are coming from. I ADORE my DS but the things some people talk about is sooooooooooooo boring isn't it? I don't want to be someone's "friend" just because they have a baby too. there is more to me than that i would hope!