**ANyone fancy a little amateur psychonalysing?**

[colditz]

I split with ex 2.5 years ago. We went to Relate, and we dug around some issues.

One of my major things was that Ex would never have stepped in should I do something stupid, or awful to the children, or neglectful, or started spending all the money or something. I remember shouting at him during one of these sessions that it was a good job I'm not an abusive mother, because he would just leave me to it.

fast forward ... present bf very very gently pulled me up on grumpy parenting this weekend (he was right) and I had to hide how disgustingly grateful I was that he had basically disagreed with me.

Isn't this completely fucked up?

It sounds pretty healthy to me. And sounds like present BF is a good un

I'm crap at psychoanalysing, in fact I don't even think I spelt it properly

However, I think we all need (and appreciate) a kick up the ass once in a while, I know I do for sure. It's a good thing, stops us becoming too unreasonable. A gentle reminder not to take too much for granted

I am absolutely no psychoanalyst, but how unfucked up are you to have insight into your own behaviour like this?

I think you need to make your own opinion of your parenting skills

Well clearly you crave in a partner the boundary-setting you lacked in your own childhood.

on - not of... {idiot}

My DH is really easy going but when he tells me off (very rarely), I feel really pleased (once I have calmed down) that he has as he is always right (never ever tell him that) and I have been out of order.

SHould add that I think it shows he cares about me and the DC. Maybe that's why you felt so peeved with your ex, because it looked like he didn't care and you are grateful to your BF cause it seems like he does [rambling emoticon].

Enough amateur phsychoanalysis for you? Hope so, it's all I've got.

I think generally my parenting is great.

I just have this fear that one day I will transmogrify into this awful awful person, who will be awful,. and piss everyone off, and be mean to my kids, or do stupid things, and NOBODY WILL STOP ME...

One of my most hated phrases from my parents was "Well, you're a clever girl, work it out for yourself"

So I wonder if I feel I need guidance.

i am ripe for a cult, aren't I?

LLW - I thought this was just Monday night self indulgent navelgazing

You want a partner to SHARE the responsibility of life and the lives of the little ones with. That's all it is.

My dh will do whatever I tell him to help me, - but he won't think of himself. It drives me mad because although he'll work hard, it is sill MY responsibility. We all need an occassional break from it.

Boundaries are good. They are what make us feel safe; isn't that why we provide them for our kids, because we love them?

And boundaries are stability.

Your OP actually sounds really nice to me at least