I don't know what I should do

[thesockmonsterofdoom]

I came off ad's a few months ago, and I felt alive for the first time in years.
Now I am back ina very dark place, I am having such bad mood swings it scares me, I go from fine and happy one minute to wanting to walk out the door the next. there doesn't seem to be a trigger and I amscaring myself that I will do something I can't undo.
I don't want to go back on tablets though, I don't want to feel numb and just be ok because i am on medication.
I am stopping going out with friends because the contrast between the happy fun person I am then and the sad bored and struggling to cope person I am at home is to stark.
I just don't know how to make it better,I want to be able to be happy with my life, I have what most people dream off, a lovely dh, 2 gorgeous dd's and a lovely house, but I struggle to cope so much and I don't know why.

I am so sorry that you are feeling low. It does sound as if you should at least talk to your GP about the possibility of restarting the ADs, even if you eventually decide against it.

I haven't really had the experience of feeling 'numb' on ADs. I think that for me the depression is just as numbing of a whole range of feelings as the ADs might be. Perhaps there is a different AD, or a lower dose, that might work better?

I don't know. But do remember that your current low mood will be making you look at any prospect, including the prospect of returning to ADs, in the most negative possible light. If they take away some of the mood swings, and make you able to enjoy seeing friends, etc, then it could be that they are on balance a good thing -- and even that they open you to some good feelings as well as numbing you to others.

Take care.

Perhaps you could try a different variety of anti-depressants? What were you on before?

I was on prozac, I just feel like I should be able to cope and I shouldn't have to spend the rest of my life on ad's just to get by. also I pout loads of weight on and was so tired all the time. I have always been a quite up and down person, and I like that about myself because it means the highs are higher iyswim, but right now they gap between the 2 extremes just seems so vast.

Hi, It's so comforting to read your story because I feel exactly the same as you. Thought I was going mad as I can be perfectly fine one minute then I'm lossing my rag, it's so quick even I don't know it's happening till I've gone into one. Going down doctor's 2moro to put me back on Citalopram. Got to do it to stop it getting any worse which will happen I know. Maybe take yourself off there, because just like you I have no reason to feel like this one lovely little boy and a very understanding husband. Good luck.