Totally loosing my grip today

[ErikaMaye]

I was feeling so good Am absolutely furious at myself for now being so low. I was pressure sold into a credit agreement in June - the woman wouldn't let me leave the room, I started to have a panic attack, and in the end signed it just to get her to shut the fuck up. She used my disability and pregnancy against me, and I just had to get her to stop talking. So I signed it. I can't afford to pay it, and have told them so. There was a clause because it was signed on the premises I can't back out - but I physically do not have the money. I'm just 18, I have a baby on the way, my only income is my Disability Living Allowence.

They haven't responded to my last later - sent over a month ago - but have started harassing my by phone again.

I've sent them three letters requesting only written contant, and this was agreed to on the phone, on one of the few occassions when I was feeling capable of answering it.

I'm back on my ADs because it got to the point where I was thinking about how to kill myself, as it was the only way I could see them leaving me alone.

Every day when the postman comes, I hypaventalate, frightened he's brining a court summons.

Whenever my phone rings I freak out in case its them.

Every time a car stops outside I'm frightened to move in case I'm being observed.

I'm totally loosing it. I haven't hurt myself for so long, but right now every thing looks like a possible item to use.

I need them to leave me alone. I can't deal with it, not on top of everything else. Its too much.

Change your number. If they cannot get you by phone, they will contact you by post. After doing that go down to the CAB (citizens advice buruae) and they will give you free advice on what to do about the agreement.

If it is a phone credit agreement, fget a different sim card from another provider (payg)

They have the home number, too.

The CAB and Consumers Direct told me to do what I'm doing now.

Its for some fucking photos. I hate myself so much. Is it so much to want them to leave me the hell alone?

Sounds horrible for you. Not sure of your background but I would change your mobile number, ignore your home phone and ask your DP to call them and tell them to back the hell off or you will be taking legal advice.

Ignore them, you cannot let yourself get so stressed while your pregnant. Sounds really horrible, speak to CAB they will give you a reference number give this to the creditor and make them deal with CAB.

Also, please see your midwife. You should be getting the health in pregnancy grant and the sure start grant and healthy start vouchers.

You might also be entitled to some income support or employment support allowance (formerly incapacity benefit).

Are you getting housing and council tax benefit?

is this part of a chain or franchise you can complain to the head office about or is there an industry ombudsman?

Go to the police.

i went to a photoshoot on a free voucher and got a massive hard sell from the sales guy - I was locked in a room and, at one point, he offered to drive me to the bank for me to get cash!!

I had a secret weapon in my DS and DD - DS trashed the place and DD chucked up!

But the voucher I was given was for 3 photoshoots - but when I stuck to my guns and got my free shots, it was made perfectly clear that I wouldn't be welcome for the other 2 shoots. I'm going to go just to annoy them.

you were locked in a room?? that is false imprisonment, i cant believe you would go back ,did you involve the police??

No, I didn't go to the police.

They are, would you believe, a reasoably reputable company. The pressure was unbelievable.

I was determined not to spend £££ and i didn't - but the chap was very pissed off with me and i can see how it could get to someone.

oh, but i should add: i still don't have my free photos.

I wonder if i'll ever get them and dso wonder about going to a solicitor if i don't as i do have an agreement.

i am staggered. high pressure selling is so counter prodcutive, you hardly get a customer for life and lots of recommendations

i'd be more bothered getting a solicitor re being locked in a room than getting your pics

The company I did the shoot with haven't communicated with me since a few weeks after my inital letter, saying they would be investigating my claims against their worker and would be getting back to me immediately. Still waiting. Its the finanace company, who's name didn't appear on any of the paper work, and I only learnt through my bank, who won't leave me alone.

Last time I didn't answer their calls and wrote to them reminding them they had agreed to communicate with me in writting, their reply was that I had been ignoring them, so they had added extra fees to how much I already owe them.

I find talking on the phone really difficult, because of my anxiety and paranoia, but also because of my ME - I forget what people have said. Am also aware that if they do take me to court then the more I have in writting the better.

Mum keeps saying to me that theres no point getting upset about it, that I knew they would harass me. And she's right - but every time it happens, I'm reminded of how intimidated, clostraphobic and overwhelemed I was in the room. I can't stand it.

A few weeks ago it was so bad that I was actually counting down the weeks till my due date, so I could kill myself after baby was born - and all because they just won't leave me alone.

I've said I will send the disk of photos back, quite happily, once I've had confirmation that the agreement has been cancelled. This is what the CAB advised me to do. I'm trying to stay very matter of fact about it, and keep my cool, but I really can't keep it together right now.

If i had the money, I would quite happily pay them, even if I wasn't happy with the treatment I had recieved, just to get them off my back. But I honestly can't afford it. I'm in a wheelchair half the time, for goodness sakes, and 32 weeks pregnant. The trip up to London in the first place cost me the last of my birthday money. They've already had £140 off me.

I'm loosing my mind. I sat in the shower and cried, honestly just wishing that I wouldn't wake up next time I went to sleep. And then I felt worse for thinking that, because I don't want to hurt my baby, I love him to pieces, but its so over whelming, I really can't cope.

Keep trying to pull myself back up but its just not happening. I want them to leave me alone. Its all hard enough as it is - dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, Borderline Personaility Disorder, ME, and then all of them rolling together. This is too much. I want to just disappear so they can't find me.

I'm sorry, I'm just so so down about this all. Theres enough going on, and this is just that extra bit that is too much - always at the back of my mind. Thank you all for having bothered to read this. I'm sure I must just sound like a silly little girl, but its just so hard to keep trying.

get a family member to intervene on your behalf and make the phone calls

send an email and a letter recorded deliery stating again how tehy pressured you and your health problems are being excacerbated

get friend or family member or partner to help you deal with this on a practical level

Can your Mum or DP deal with it for you?

Crikey I would if I could. In fact I am sure there would be a nice MNer who might write the kind of letter you need.

Hey everyone, thank you so much for listening to me and talking with me yesterday - what would I do without MN?? I'm feeling a lot better today, not so over whelmed by it all. DP has offered to call them for me, but think I'll go to the CAB first, like was suggested, and see what they say. Haven't been in a while (its a nightmare to get to!) and could do with updating them.

Thank you for all your advice, I'll be baring it all in mind. Thank you so much. x

Our local CAB have an outreach service for people who find it hard for whatever reason to go and see them. They visited my mother at home when she was suffering from depression and needed to claim attendance allowance. Might be worth a call to them?

And...stop apologizing! You do not sound like a silly little girl! You sound like a very brave and together person who is doing her best to cope with a lot of different things at the moment! Blimey I know women twice your age (and you are very young) who would have buckled under the stress of all that lot by now! I bet your mum and DP are so proud of you! Keep going - and let us know how you get on.

Thanks for that suggestion Unfortunately our local one doesn't have that service - they have a phone line, but its a nightmare to get through. I think I'll do what I did last time and just keep calling though. You have to be there for about 7.30am if you want a place in the line, and that is just not physically - or mentally - possible for me. I think its really fab your local one does that though, must be such a fantastic asset.

Thank you My dad dropped my wheelchair round earlier, and the three of us (Him, DP and I) talked about it for a bit. Am going to write another letter tomorrow telling them that I consider their constant phone calls severe harassment now. I'm still trying to work out why they've started calling me again after not responding to my letter, its very odd. I'll send this one by recorded delivery I think.

Today has been a bit better. They haven't called - is it really wrong that I look froward to the weekends now, not because I'll be seeing DP, but because they won't be calling me? - and I have talked about everything aside from it. Still shakey. Just going to have to take it easy for a bit, I guess.

Thanks, all, again. x

Am now getting three phone calls a day. The voicemail they've just left me is threatening. I'm in tears. Am once again feeling that I want the baby out now so I can kill myself. Can't deal with this.

Trying so hard to stay practical. Posted on the legal matters board as can't face making any phone calls to the CAB or anyone else. Want to just curl up and not wake back up. Hate myself for feeling this way. Not fair on my baby. But can't cope. Its too much. I've tried so hard to stay strong, and I'm failing, miserably.

I owed them £720, had already paid them £140 on the day, just to get her to let me leave. Because I have now "missed" two payments, they've upped it to £820. It might not sound a lot - but I don't have the money. If I had it, they could have it.

Its my mobile they're calling. My contract runs out next month, I'm hoping I can change my number when I get the upgrade. They've only called the home phone a few times. I don't answer the calls.

I don't know what the worst they can do is. I've never been involved with something like this before.

I can only face going into the CAB when I'm well enough as you have to be there very early to get an appointment. I get very panicky on the phone because of my BPD, and they very rarely answer anyway. I am trying to sort it out - I tried calling them earlier which was very brave of me, considering how shaken todays voicemail has left me.

Really just want to curl up, close my eyes, and for it all to be a bad dream. Theres so much going on in my life right now without this, its too much.