I have a few issues here.
I have had quite serious mental health problems in the past. My mum was bipolar and abused me as a child. I developed the illness in adolescance coupled with eating disorders, low confidence and bad decision making regarding partners and most other things. I had a very bad breakdown at University and i was sectioned a few years later. I lost a lot of dignity and I feel embarassed by soem of my strange behaviours. I have since come off my medication since having dd and I am feeling better than I have for years although I am still conscious that I have mood swings esp. regarding pmt. At the moment I feel I can handle it but how do I find peace with the dreadful time I had in teh past? I am on the list for cbt but someti9mes I don't trust councellors.
I do still feel abit useless as though my illness prevents me from moving foward with my life and I ahve a frosty relationship with my mum because of how she treated me.
the other issue is that I have a very stressful career in teaching. I quit my job when I got pregnant and made a real mess of my woking relationships there. (That's a long story in itself.) I think taht teaching is not good for my mental helth sometimes but other times I enjoy it and like the steady wage and long holidays.
I just feel taht I swim in treacle a lot with regards to moving my life foward.
DD is the best thing taht has ever happened to me but I do find single motherhood tough and have been to some dark places. I have difficulty sustaining loving relations and I think I will never find love as I am not lovable. I am scared that my illnesses have deterred men or made me open to abuse.