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Mental health

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Original poster

ive really lost it with dd

24 replies

nikcola · 24/05/2005 21:02

im sitting here in tears still, i knoe part of the reason she is like this is becasue of the stress from the course that im doing but im really starting to not like her

if you meet her you would think that she is the perfect angel but she isnt well not for me for example,
i picked her up from nursery today she was all happy and smley put her in the car then she started screminmg and kicking the seat cause she forgot her jacket so went back to get jacket

then she went mad again she forgot her dolly so i lost i and pulled her out of the car by her arm with me then went to asda she was a bugger in there too screaming and shouting at me,

got home scraming and shoutitng at me again
in the end i just gave in aand cryed in a haep on the bed and begger her to gpo to sleep

why why am i such a crap mummy i never play with her, i should be enjoying my little girl but i dont

OP posts:

sassy · 24/05/2005 21:05

Hey nik, we all have days like that.
Wait till tomorrow morning when she gives you a great big smile and holds her arms out for a cuddle cos you're her mummy and she loves you best in the world. x

NomDePlume · 24/05/2005 21:06

I don't think you're a crap mummy, nik. It's natural that the course is putting a bit more strain on you and it'll be harder to cope with as a single parent. All toddlers/kids push the boundaries and are stubborn, wilful little buggers when it suits them. I do think that you need to be more firm (although not in a scary way) with her, make sure that you stick to your guns.

Original poster

nikcola · 24/05/2005 21:19

i think im too firm i allways shout at her i think she thinks i hate her my mom was the same with me when i was young and it broke my heart now its breaking my heart over dd,

i just wish i was one of those mummys who played with there kids and enjoyed it dd hates me i can tell by the way she looks at me/talks to me

OP posts:

NomDePlume · 24/05/2005 21:22

There's being firm and there's being strict and screaming at her. I've never seen you with DD so can't comment on whether or not your shouting is excessive. But sometimes, IME, crouching down to her level, looking right into her eyes and speaking low and clear is much more effective than bawling her out (which always makes me feel horrendously guilty afterwards).

I think it's probably very unlikely that your 3 year old 'hates you' and can express that by the way she looks at you, nik.

tillykins · 24/05/2005 21:23

oh nikcola darling, she doesn't hate you
She loves you best in the whole world, thats why she feels safe to be the horrid brat with you, when she is an angel for everyone else

I'm no expert, but maybe if you just do the NO and walk away / ignore / put her out of the room, it might have a bigger impact on her than if you shout (says me, who shouts!)

I'm so sorry you feel bad, its so hard raising a child anyway, but on your own too, and studying - of course you feel like shouting

NomDePlume · 24/05/2005 21:23

With the jacket thing, she screamed and screamed so you took her back to get the jacket. It's no wonder that she screamed again when she'd lost her doll, she assumed that she'd be able to twist your arm again with a hatful of yelling, like she did with the jacket.

NomDePlume · 24/05/2005 21:25

I've just re-read my posts and they look a bit harsh, that's really not how I meant them. I was just trying to get my point across and ended up a bit school-marmish

Original poster

nikcola · 24/05/2005 22:04

you wasnt harsh NDP we had the jacket thning yesterday and i dint give in but today i did i couldnt be bothered with even more screaming

me and my best mate are taking dd to a safari park on sunday really looking forward to spending a day with dd when she will be nice cause friend will be there

i just really feel like i have ruined her childhood ive never enjoyed time with her i find it boring soetiimes i think im not a normal mummy

OP posts:

NomDePlume · 24/05/2005 22:09

Babes, i have to go to bed now, but you are a normal mummy. My DD is 2.9 and it seems like she's constantly pushing me, i'm just as guilty of flipping out as you. YOU ARE NORMAL ! Enjoy the safari park, hon, sounds like you could both do with the break xxxx

gingernut · 24/05/2005 22:25

NdP, it's nice to know I'm normal too!

Nickola, she sounds just like my ds1 (who's 3.5) and all of his peers. He really winds me up and I end up shouting at him too [guilt emoticon]. But, honestly, it's not that she hates you and it's not that you've been doing this parenting thing all wrong...children are just like that.

I think you've had some good advice on here, try to stay calm, stick to your guns, ignore bad behaviour if you can etc etc. If you say `no' stick to it even if you think it was the wrong thing to say. But try to think before you make the yes/no decision - is this really worth a battle? If my ds left his jacket at nursery then I'd go back for it. But I would try and remember next time to check before we left that we had picked up everything - so so then I'd be in control and we wouldn't have endless delays.

Re the shopping, you are brave going with your 3 y.o. I do mine online these days!

Sounds like you were both tired as well which never helps. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

Original poster

nikcola · 25/05/2005 11:24

well she got into bed with me half way through the night and we had a hug and she said sorry

this morning she was good as gold
got to pick her up at 12.30 today then go and get her some new trainers ! then her dad is having her for the afternoon while i have some peace and quiet having a crown at the dentist!!! lol

OP posts:

motherinferior · 25/05/2005 11:27

Oh honey, it's so tough, isn't it. Hang on in there.

Original poster

nikcola · 25/05/2005 11:30

i'll try x

i just cant wait till the course is finished when i can spend some time with her x

OP posts:

Blu · 25/05/2005 11:31

It's such a struggle, isn't it? I am bored rigid by lots of the things DS wants me to play, and the more I don't rally engage, the more he bugs me and whines. Can you find something that you do really enjoy doing, and involve her 'helping'? Or at least something that you 'have' to do...DS 'helps' hang up washing or stands next to me on a chair with a washing up brush and washes the odd plastic cup. It takes ages, isn't really a help (of course) but it makes him feel important and involved, and that sets him up to play his tedious buzz lightyear fantasy games by himself for a bit.

She probably is attention-seeking if you have been v pre-occupied with your course - invest a it of focussed time, and she will calm down, I suspect!

Lonelymum · 25/05/2005 11:32

My little girl was (is) a little madam in the privacy of our house Nikcola and I used to feel guilty that I didn't enjoy her in the same way as I did my boys. But she is 5 now and I can honestly say that when she started school, she improved a lot and now her tantrums are only very occasional. She says nice things too and I am really beginning to appreciate her. Your dd is still very young and it won't alwasy be like this I'm sure.

bundle · 25/05/2005 11:33

i'd say make sure you praise her good behaviour (as much and as loudly!) as you tell her off for her bad behaviour. i think blu's right about attention seeking, we have a lot of this if i've been busy at home, esp with dd1 nearly 5). don't be so hard on yourself, you have a lot on your plate

motherinferior · 25/05/2005 11:33

Yes, I find deciding to do something with DD1 less of a strain than trying to carry on with life 'as normal' IYSWIM!

One thing that works for us is getting her to come somewhere with me, on foot. That way she gets some exercise while I don't have to go to the flipping park AGAIN, and I can get something else done too. And of course it's FREE.

bundle · 25/05/2005 11:35

oh and with flashpoints like the supermarket, get her to do her own list (with pictures rather than words) so her mind is engaged with more of the "helping mummy" stuff than "kicking off" stuff and she has her own special things that she likes/enjoys to look out for in asda

Original poster

nikcola · 25/05/2005 11:36

dd is oleaving nursery pn the 17th of june when i finishe college cause its private and the college pay for it so she is starting a new nursery a week later shes realy excited cause she thinks its school (its a nursery in the school grounds and that is the school she will be going to in march)
she will really miss nursery so will i !!!

she will settile in to this new nursery for a month then break up for summer holls (which im dreading!)
then go back there in september !

im worried about her being upset wehn she leaves this nursery though

OP posts:

bundle · 25/05/2005 11:37

nikcola, make some playdates with friends from her old nursery to "bridge" her move. she'll be fine, i'm sure

Original poster

nikcola · 25/05/2005 11:39

do i but presants for the nursery teacher im on a tight budget though

OP posts:

bundle · 25/05/2005 11:46

why not get dd to paint a bright picture and buy a cheap frame?

Original poster

nikcola · 25/05/2005 11:47

thats a good idea x

OP posts:

Blu · 25/05/2005 11:53

In supermarkets I say 'oooh, I'm looking for the eggs, but I can't see them, can you tell me if you see the eggs?' etc - always when we are practically in front of the eggs - that keeps him happy for a while...

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