This is a bit of a long one and not sure I'm posting in the right place but feeling bit desperate - I've struggled with anxiety and depression since my teens and been in and out of therapy for years which usually keeps me on an even keel. Things have deteriorated since my son was born 15 months ago - I've had phases where I feel totally overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a Mum. My head goes really fuzzy and I feel as if everything around me is in chaos. On a really bad day I become very tearful and irritable in front of my son and every wail he makes seems unbearable. I cope by turning to my husband who is very supportive and by getting time out whenever I can. I've gone back into therapy but find it hard to make time for the meditation and contact with friends that used to be my lifeline - partly I think I am reluctant to admit to my friends (most of whom don't have kids or do and seem to be brilliant at it) how tough i'm finding motherhood. I work 3 days a week and although I've had terrible anxiety about leaving my DS at nursery the time at work seems to give me perspective and balance and alleviate the depression. In the last few weeks though I've hit a real low. My DS is becoming much more physically difficult to manage- biting, pulling my hair, scratching when he gets over excited; wanting constantly to be held and to hold my fingers when toddling (he is not yet walking and very frustrated as a result!); refusing to be put in his buggy by kicking and arching his back. He is also wailing with fury when he has to wait for food or for my attention. I know this is normal behaviour but often I end up giving in, in order to prevent myself losing it. I am worried that if I continue to feel so low it will affect his behaviour even more. I feel I could really benefit from some tips or strategies that might help me be consistent and firm with him while keeping him safe and secure. To feel I am losing control at such an early stage makes me wonder how I'll ever cope with him turning two and beyond! Also does anyone have experiences of managing depression and motherhood without ADs that might give me inspiration??