I'm feeling really low about myself at the moment. I just can't seem to get motivated to do anything, I procrastinate, and I seem always take a negative viewpoint on something rather than seeing a positive side. Basically I feel vaguely 'low' most of the time. I've tried AD's in the past but have never liked the way they make me feel.
I had my ds 4 1/2 years ago and started studying when he was about 18 months old, my course was supposed to be for 6 years and I've now taken a leave of absence after completing the first three years (I'm a SAHM & studied by correspondence). I found it really tough keeping up with it last year, my ds was sick quite a lot and in the end I could never find the motivation to do it. One of my problems is that I even find it hard to be diligent about the housework, I only seem to do what's necessary to keep the house tidy but I know I should be keeping the house cleaner than I do. Dh notices but is nice enough not to say anything most of the time, every now and again he just gets on and does it himself - which makes me feel worse. Now that my son is at pre-school 3 days a week, I know I should be doing a few more things with my time but struggle to find motivation. It doesn't help that my SIL is a 'superwoman', she paints, sews, keeps a perfectly clean house, entertains a lot, looks after 4 kids (and numerous pets) and is vice president of a community group, among other things. I just look at her and wish I could do half of what she does, and it makes me feel so useless.
I do manage to stay in touch with friends and I try to see them & talk to them regularly, which is great because I value their friendship, especially since dh goes away with his job quite regularly. But sometimes I even find it an effort to meet up with them... I just make myself do it. I also worry about what people think (thanks to my parents) and I know this isn't good, but I can't help it. This whole thing seems to reek of depression but I just think I've fallen into this way of thinking & being over the years, and I'm not sure how to get out of it. Thanks for listening & I just hope that I'm not alone in feeling this way.