What is wrong with me?

[nakushita]

Had a huge fight with OH the other night. I suddenly realised that I am completely alone. I have no friends left, my family has fallen appart and if I was to fall out with OH, I would literally have no one to turn to.

Over the past few months I have stopped bothering much about my appearance, I have only one "friend" left who only bothers withme if she wants to offload her problems on me and I know for a fact (as I saw this 1st hand not that she knows - or cares) that she phones her other friends first and only gets in touch with me if she is desperate. She has never been a nice person really which is prob why she is the only one left still hanging around me. No one else can put up with my "constant whinging" and want me to pull myself together.

I sometimes can't answer the phone and never answer the door unless I am waiting for a parcel I know for sure it is the postman.

I spend all day with DS then OH when he comes home and even then he "takes DS off your hands" so I have some time to myself.

I feel I am being a crap mum to DS. I love him more than anything I have ever known or done or anything. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I worry that OH will leave me and try to take him off me so I have avoided going to GP in case OH uses this against me if I get antidepressants.

I don't know what to do. I was meant to go to the shops today and it is actually not ranining but I still haven't gone. I feel so bad for DS - he deserves so much better

Sorry for the self indulgent crap again whenI have no real problems but I am so down and pathetic

I don't know what is wrong with you, exactly. But I would hazard a guess that you are suffering from depression.

Why on earth would your DH hold it against you if you sought out the help you need? He understands your need to have time on your own, so surely will agree that you need to talk to your GP?

Make an appointment as soon as you can - recognising you need some help is the first stage to getting it.

And lots of MNers post on here about low mood and depression, so there is lots of support. Good luck!

Oh dear bless you.My heart goes out to you.Its awful when you cant see your way out of a hole.
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself.
You sound ill so take each day at a time.
Go to your gp.You dont have to tell your dh until you feel ready.Start on some ad's and when you start to feel different(maybe a bit better) you can explain to dh that you felt you didnt want to tell anyone.
Its a big thing to go to the gp and admit you are feeling this way.
Its not your fault, stop blaming yourself.You must do something to make things better or it may get worse.Dont ignore these feelings.
Think of your ds and look to get better.You can do this.
Find some strength.
HTH and you get sorted.
Keep us posted.

Thanks so much for the advice... I keep putting it off but I guess I will just have to get to GP. Suppose I could write down what Ihave been through and he can read it cos I am sure I will just burst into tears if he says "what can I do for you..." as he always does...