my phobia has been triggered :(

[theQuibbler]

I'm hoping that someone can help as I'm feeling very rough. I'm writing this down I suppose in order to try and wrest some control back, so apologies but this will be ridiculously long.

I've got this stupid phobia - I've thought for years that I'm just a freak, but recently I've recently found out that it actually has a name. It is called trypophobia. It's a fear of holes, patterns, clusters - things like lotus seed pods or coral or honeycomb.

I know, I know. It sounds daft and who on earth would freak out about patterns, but it exists in a very real way for me. I avoid pictures of things like that and can't touch anything in that vein. I even know where the stupid thing comes from; it was an incident in my childhood when I was about five but I won't bore you with the details.

So anyway, I was on a forum that I vist earlier today, and someone (without tagging what the picture was about) posted something as a joke. It was basically a 'shopped photo of a breast with an image of a lotus seed pod imposed on it.

And it has triggered me so much, I can't even tell you. I am still freaking out and this happened about 6 hours ago. I got this immediate huge adrenalin surge and couldn't breathe, then I got light headed and felt as though ants were crawling under my skin. It was your standard panic attack, but now that phase has passed and I'm just stuck in repeat mode with that bloody image burned into my brain. I don't know what to do with myself. I have kept myself really busy and avoided thinking about it, but it's getting more intrusive and harder to talk myself down.

I can't tell DH 'cos he'll think I'm a nut, but I keep having to leave the room so that he doesn't see me crying. I'm actually afraid. Of what? A stupid picture, I kind of hate myself for being so pathetic.

I'm sure it will fade, right? It's just that it was such a shock.....I don't know what else I can do...

Poor you - that must have been awful.
Is there anyone that you can speak to in RL about this?

I know what you mean about flashbacks. I am phobic about vomit and vomiting and once stupidly thought I should google images of vomit to look at to try to desensitise myself. I was haunted by the briefest glance at the pictures for weeks afterwards and still feel really cross with myself for being so stupid as to look them up.

Your brain will calm down and the image in your mind will fade. Keeping busy is a great way to stop your brain going over the same thoughts again and again. What about watching a film, losing yourself in another story? Because even writing about your fear here on MN is helping to keep the image alive in your mind.

Have you considered trying for a cure for this phobia? I think your sort of phobia can be quite easily treated and if you know what triggered it in the first place, so much the better.

You are not a freak, you have a phobia, which by definition are irrational.

Can you do some deep breathing exercises? As the shallow breathing you do when in a panic makes it worse, you get less oxygen, produce more adrenalin etc.

Maybe consider some sort of therapy - hypnosis or suchlike?

I know the image you're on about - some urban myth about a boob getting infected with insect pods. It's not real - but i know that doesn't help. I have a phobia bout spit & phlegm so much that when i brush my own teeth i deliberately make myself think of a meadow of flowers as i do it - to stop my self retching.

Think of a litter of kittens or something to distract yourself.

This is not as rare as you might think - my friend had it and crumpets / pikelets are her worst thing.

what happened when you were 5?

Thank you for being so understanding.

I'm very much trying to control my breathing, because it is very shallow and I know that isn't helping.

You're probably right about keeping the image alive in my mind; but it was getting to the point where I couldn't think about anything else (now the little one has gone to bed) and I wanted to set it down to try and make myself more rational.

It's just horrible, really it is. I feel sick and shaky. Am afraid to tell DH, because I feel ashamed and although he wouldn't laugh at me, I'm fairly sure he wouldn't understand and would do the "there, there, it's fine" thing which wouldn't help.

Thanks again for not telling me I'm being stupid - it really does help.

Of course you're not being stupid.