Why do I feel so anxious and such a bad person/mother.....?

[shhhh]

No idea why but I feel such a bad person/mother atm.

I went to my gp for a check up last week and also discussed the fact that I worry about getting ill etc..GP says im anxious and gave me a print out of coping strategies.

Its only been since then that I realise that yes, maybe I am anxious.
Why though..?

Dd (4) is due to start school in sept and yes, it does worry me etc.

I guess I also feel sad about the fact that dd and ds(2) are growing up and maybe/maybe not this may be my last chance at being mum iykwim..

My main issues are over my parenting skills with dd and ds. Im doing my best to adapt my parenting skills and to be the best mum I can...not always shouting, not always saying no and trying to give my lo's as much fun as I can. Im a sahm so with them basically 24/7.

Dh works away a fair bit and I find myself going through the day in my head once the lo's are in bed, feeling bad about things that happened and I seem to focus on the bad things. I so want to be the best mother and I fear that in years time dd and ds will turn around and say I have mentally scarred them and was a crap mummy..

I find myself doubting myself when I tell dd&ds off when naughty and at times end up apologising..not ideal I know.

I also find myslef being lonely at night and allowing dd to sleep in mummys bed. Just for the company and also I guess for acceptance from her...

Think my gp thinks im a mitherer and think dh is getting fed up with my anxious calls/texts..

Im mad aren't i..?

oh honey, you are not mad. maybe depressed? and a bit lonely. it is really hard feeling like you are doing it all alone.

it is normal to tell your children off,

it is normal to feel lonely if your DH is away

it is normal to worry that you are doing the best you cna and to reflect on how you are parenting and if you could do things differently

but you are feeling it is all quite negative which is not ideal

do you have any time / space for you? as a perosn, as SHHH, rather than as a mum?

time for yourself is vital

need to nurture yourself too , you are also an important and special person

Thanks lm..

Yeah, I think there maybe slight depression..dh tonight suggested I saw my councellor again as he felt I may benefit from speaking to her.

I just feel like I want to sort myself..myself.

I do have time when dh is home and I have opportunity when he is away to have time to myself BUT I don't always take it. Dh says the same, no idea why. Sad as it may sound I feel I miss the dk's when I don't see them .

I know, I know..I need "me myself time".

You are right, I do feel lonely when dh is away. I guess I miss him like crazy. I also feel like I can't do this anymore.

there is nothing wrong with needing extra support to feel well and happy. (years of therapy for me !! ) and meds if needed.

there is nothing wrong at all with admitting things are not wonderful and that you need a bit of a boost

it can be hard to take time out, just for yourself, when you feel that you don't deserve it or need it

but you do ! everyone does!

don't have to go to great lengths to do it , for me, a long soak in teh bath or reading my book is enough to get my head togetehr

need to look after yourself

Just had a search for this after you mentioned it in my sleeping thread.

You sound like me. I don't think I'm depressed but I feel incredibly stressed.When DH is here I'm fine, it takes the pressure off and I'm a better Mum. I hate doing it all on my own and worry I'm fucking it up at every step.

I don't know what to suggest, its hard isn't it? I think you need to start taking up some of the 'you' time you're offered, a break (even a small one) from the DC is usually enough to break me out of the rut for a while (or until the next tantrum ).

You are both right. AND I do find the times I have abreak away (pop to the shops or hairdressers etc) I come back a happier person and ready to face the world.

Im not the type to rely on gp's and prefer dh to look after the kids so times when he's away I wait for him coming home...I find it more stressful having the gp's looking after the dks' for various reasons.

Tpp, thanks for finding me.. You hit the nail on the head when you say "I worry im fucking up at every step". I find myself doubting myself..totally... YES it is hard. v hard