Well I watched James Wong's "Grow your own drugs" progranme and I managed to get the ten plants growing in the garden he recommended. One of them was St Johns Wort and it looks like this year it won't bear many flowers for me to harvest so I went the chemist. She gave me tablets to try, one a day.
It may be a placebo or me, but it doesn't give you a buzz - not that I was expecting it, but neither does it numb "you" like others - years back I had some Actifed for a cold and I noticed how drowsy and unemotional that made me as a side effect so I am sure antidepressants work like that, which I think isn't right.
What I have noticed is that my environment hasn't changed - it still stressful bringing up kids as a man in a foreign land - but when "shit happens" and it often does - my downers don't go towards self hate like they often do.
Does anyone else understand what I am blithering about?