Anxiety is ruining my life - i just can't seem to break the circle.

[imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy]

I have been on ADs for anxiety for the best part of 2 years. I have been reducing my dose (slowly under medical supervision) as i have been getting better. But these past few weeks it has been back with a vengence. It has been sparked by a health worry that i have managed (as usual) to blow up out of proportion.

I have had counselling for just over a year but i just tend to go and whinge and whine about every day problems rather than facing up to my anxiety issues. My counsellor thinks that the stress i am under is contributing to the anxiety - yeah she is probably right, but its the anxiety that is making the stress worse.

I NEED to get a job, we are financial shit, but the anxiety is preventing me. I thought i could do it and i am now wondering if i have invented the health issue to hide the job thing. Does that make sense.

Was sobbing in the GP surgery today - thankfully, my GP is lovely, very thourough, but her arms are tied to a certain extent. I have counselling but i don't think im getting anywhere with it - i think i need a psychiatric refferal.

This has been going on for YEARS DD1 is 19 now, but i convinced myself not to get to close because i was sure i had passed on HIV to her. It ruined our relationship.

I have another DD, she is coming up for four - im convinced im going to die and that its my own fault for being a bad mum to DD1. I am the opposite with DD2, overprotective, i smother her - its like i have to cram all the love in now because i am not going to be here much longer It breaks my heart - i imagine my DP meeting a new woman and that she will be the "wicked step mother" and that my DD will be left out. I know this wouldn't happen. DP ADORES DD, i know she would be his number one, always.

I feel "doomed" as it were to this prison of anxiety - the counselling just seems to go around in circles, despite my counsellor being excellent and seems to really "get" me. My doctor now wants to swap my ADs and give me diazepam on top of this. To me, diazepam is the real pits, its like, well i must be fucked if they want to give me that. I cried so much in the surgery today i couldnt even tell the doctor what was wrong.

This is MADNESS, my DP has had enough - he says that if im not careful im going to get "put away" and that we will loose our daughter.

Im scared that this is my life now.

But the point is that it doesn't mess with your head - it's not really hypnosis like in a show, it's being put onto a deep state of realxation and then the hypnotherapist just challenges your anxiety-inducing thought patterns with some more positive ones. Try out Paul McKenna if the thought of going to see one freaks you out, although then it's not really tailored to your situation.
Are you able to give yourself 15 minutes a day to listen to some gentle music or just have a quiet time? I know it's hard to find time, but that has helped me in the past.
I do hope you find something that helps - keep talking and look after yourself a bit! x

Just to give give you some hope as a person who is the other side of once crippling anxiety (including OCD and health obsessions).

But whenever I feel it coming back (and it often does) I refuse to give it headspace. Like it's an unwanted parasitic guest. I go to the gym, watch something that will make me laugh, and because I'm also aware of why my anxiety is trying to come back - it's about control (or perceived lack of).

CBT is the current treatment du jour, however I have seen really positive results. It's not therapy in the traditional sense, more like making you think about why you have anxiety and how you can deal with it.

Anxiety is a useless emotion and should never have been invented!!

Imaynot,My dad is not good.He is trying so hard.
He got referred and has had a call already from the mentel health services already today.We are going in tomorrow so will see how that goes.Presumabloy it will just be to assess him.Iv told him not to expect too much though.
Im so sorry you've not had a good day.
Take each day as it comes but Im sure you know that.
Its the night time thats bad for my dad so will see how he goes tonight.
I just wish he could stay with me but no room at all and he wouldnt anyway as anxious about putting too much on me.Constantly apologising bless him.
I adore him so much.I wish I could take it all away and bring back his brother.

Thats good that he will get his assesment tomorrow. I am going to ask to be re reffered back to the mental health bods as i need something a bit more hardcore than my counselling.

I wish i could know what to suggest to help your dad. When i went for my assesment the social worker woman asked me lots of questions about why i felt like i did. I think i was there for about an hour. She asked me what i wanted to do re counselling. That was pretty much it, but it did get the ball rolling. Its not so scary though.

I think your dad should give the meds a go, they did really help me to start off with.

This is getting ridiculous - my house is a pigsty, my DD is playing alone. I'm sat here brooding because i don't think there is any point in doing anything because im going to die anyway.

I have another GP appointment on Monday, and a blood test tomorrow. Dreading both.

Can you take yourself & DD out for a walk just to stop the brooding & give yourself a change of scene? Even if it's raining...
Honestly I do remember days like that and still have the occasional one if I'm honest, but hard though it is, getting up & out does help.
Does it really matter if the house is a pigsty? You're more important than any mess!
Hang on in there poppet!

thanks shellseeker. I have to go out to my DDs school soon so that will force me out. Its definately days when i dont have much to do that are the worse. Trouble is, i can take myself out of the house etc, but i cant get away from my head.

I will let you know how it goes.
Thank you very kindly.

Well my dad was given some sleepin tablets and asked many many questions.He is now under the crisis team.
He will be seen again next week.
He got 9hrs sleep last night which is fantastic.
Im looking into stages of bereavment so I can understand better and help more.
Hopefully his anti depressants will make a little bit of difference too.

Parker, your dad is lucky to have you I hope he starts to feel better soon xx The ADs WILL help with the anxiety, he needs to talk to someone professional too - which he is, so thats great. Glad you got things moving.

How are you this morning?Thank you.x

I empathise with everyone here who has anxiety issues. I had very bad { mainly } health anxiety a few years ago which is now much more under control but I know I will always be at the 'anxious' end of the spectrum.

I just want to say that it can get better.I'm not sure why mine has - I tried a short course of CBT that put things in a bit more perspective for me i.e. my therapist told me I didn't have health anxiety as such, my anxiety stems from being over responsible and this had been exacerbated when I became a mother.

The other thing I did was start to take Omega 3,6 and 9 oils { I never took ADs as I was scared of them but would probably have benefitted if I had } and I am absolutely convinced that they have helped to make me feel brighter.

having a bad day with H anx to , i can be fine for a week or so then something els happens and im out of control . i am going to Docs tomorrow for reassurance and ask her advice .some comfort to know im not alone though .

As an anxiety sufferer I can understand your fear.I have GAD/PTSD and the lovely health anxiety thrown into the mix also.

May I suggest a few books (you may of heard of them or even have read them).

This one really helped me through bad times with my fear of dying and panics (I was convinced I was about to drop dead from a heart attack constantly for over 3 years).Brilliant book,urge anyone with anxiety to read it.
And this one which is a CBT book that most therapists use,worth tackling too.

I had to take diazepam at time to time,to give my mind a little break-please don't see it as failure,see it as allowing your mind and body to take that break from nervousness.I found it gave me an appetite when I couldn't face swallowing food and also lead me into a gentle and soothing sleep. when I was fraught with fear.

I have got better btw,I have come off AD'S after being on them still I was 17 (am now 33)and I don't fear my panic anymore when it rears it's bloody ugly head.Panic won't kill me-it's as simple as that.

I hope you can make the same breakthrough as I did OP.

here

Hi all, I have read this thread and can really related to many of you, particularly shell who had fears of seeing loved ones for the last time. I also have an irrational fear that something is going to happen to my dd and I will lose her. I created a tread a few days back to get some advice which I've linked to at the top and got some useful advice.

I think my next step is going to be going to the gp, I'm frightened I'll be fobbed off and made to feel silly but I'm also frightened of being referred for therapy because then I'll feel like my problem is official and not just all in my head iyswim.

PS Proud to have achieved my first link