I think I have to go and see my GP about Depression

[fraggletits]

I think I am a functioning depressive in that I get on with life with 2 small kids (3 and 1) and hard working DH but there is a always an undercurrent of sadness/unhappiness there. I'm a SAHM and do everything in the home including all the finances. I'm also a landlord not out of choice but of necessity.

I usually have a few drinks every evening to get me through the kids dinner, bath, bed routine. Which means I am drinking alone and am usually pretty buzzed by the time DH gets in. I then don't drink anymore in front of him.

But for the last 2 weeks or so I've noticed I have been shutting myself away. My DD1 goes to nursery and I always went to the park at 3.30 when picking her up. But I haven't been in ages. prefering to collect her, bring her back and start drinking at 3.30. I haven't been to any baby groups with my 1 yr old recently either. I haven't been out today nor yesterday, nor all last week.

I turn up late or early at nursery to avoid other mums.

I think they all look at me like I don't belong here. We have been struggling with money and debt for some time now since DH went self employed and I don't have any nice clothes. I could stop drinking wine and save up for something I suppose but then I couldn't get through the day I don't think.

I binge eat so I'm fat, I barely brush my teeth and hardly ever look in the mirror. I've lost interest in things. I'm a total mess.

I'm scared of saying this all to my GP and when I mentioned antidepressents last night to DH he seems to totally disagree with all that, and would feel guilty/miserable about it I think.

I was crying all last night and have been crying all morning. I feel like there is a big numb knot in my stomach.

Hi Fraggletits - love the name! lol!

Sorry to hear you are feeling so down at the moment! Do you think you could be suffering a little from post natal depression??? I know your kids are 1 and 3, but it can fester for months before something finally brings it to the surface!

I am going to be blunt here, but I thing you really need to give up the booze as you may think it getting you through the day, but in the long run its just going to make things worse! Its sounds a little worrying that you would rather go home and start drinking than take the kids to the park! Please don;t think I am judging you - far from it just trying to help you see the slippery slope!

The first thing you need to do is go see ur GP or HV! They will help you no doubt! The first time I went to the GP I was so nervous as I thought she was going to lock me up in a mad house - but it was the best thing I could have done! She was so nice and most importantly she was v v understanding!

I hope this make you feel a little better! I am short on time just now, but will def come back on later!

Thinking of you!!! x x x

Thanks YM

I know the drinking has got to go. I know I am using it to forget the pain of my loneliness/boredom/low-self esteem/stress

I know I should be exercising, eating healthily, not drinking, going to bed at 10pm and getting up refreshed and motivated every morning.

I just couldn't be further from that image at the mo! I have really let myself go and feel like totally shutting myself away now.

I know I've got to go the GP. I know this isn't just feeling a bit low. I never thought I had PND but maybe it is.

Thank you anyway YM and I'm glad you are feeling much better for seeing your GP.

x

Hi Fraggle,

How has your day been? Mines has been hectic! You sound really fed up, you alomost sound like you are giving up

Please believe me when I say I know how you feel and that it feels like you are in a pretty dark place right now, but please also believe me when I say you can get through this. It won't happen over night and you will have to work hard at it, but you will get back to "normal"

Take things one step at a time. you say you know you should be excercising, eating healthy, blah blah! With two young kids this is virtually impossible! My kids are almost ages with yours one at 3 and one at 8 months! I eat when I have time (mostly crap) and the only excercise I do is running around after the boys all day long, lol! As for going to bed early - I am in bed for 10 most nights, but most morning I feel far from refreshed! I have to drag myself out of bed like most other people! I am not a morning person at all, but I have to be for the kids! They keep me going no matter how I am feeling! :D

Please tell me you will go see your GP! He she will be able to tell you whats the matter and point you in the right direction on the road to recovery! In the mean time keep chatting! I am happy to listen or give advise - whichever you want! Sometimes its nice just to come on here and say I've had a crap day!

Take one day at a time! :D
x x x

Hey Fraggle,

U still around? U okay???

x x x

Hi YM - thanks for your reply and thanks for checking on me!

I do feel a bit better today thanks. Felt absolutely dreadful yesterday but I didn't drink and this morning forced myself out to my daughters school sports day which has brightened my mood.

Still feel low but I'm not in tears and I don't feel desperate. I'm taking it one day at a time like you said

Hi Fraggle!

So glad to hear you are feeling a little better today and even happier to hear that you avoided the drink yesterday!

I am glad to hear you forced yourself to go to dd sports day - you will have been the best thig in her little world today! My ds had his last week, but he never took part as he is a pretty quite/moody little sod and he decides what he is doing and when! lol! When he seen me in the crowd it was game over he came and sat on my knee the whole time! lol! Little monkey! He has his presentation day tomorrow so will see how that goes Might hide in the crowd until the end!

Well I hope you will keep talking to me! And I hope your evening has been as good as your day!

x x x

Hey Fraggle!

Hows things???

Hope all is well your end! x x x