Grown up daughter is making my depression worse!

[kaylasmum]

Hi,
I was diagnosed with PND about 9 months ago, just a month before my dad died unexpectedly. Looking back i realise i was depressed for quite a while before i would actually admit it although my doctor was telling me that i was for about six months before that. I have 4 kids aged 20, 18, 13 and 20 months. My youngest has been hard work since day one, crying excessively and sleeping very little. Also my son had been going through a difficult time just before i got pregnant with DD4. He confided in me that he was gay and then went on to self harm and make attempts on his life for the next 6 months or so, during this time i had a miscarriage. I have supported my son 100% and have no problems with his sexuality at all. He is now settled with a partner and does a really good job as a carer, i am very proud of him.

I am taking citalopram for my depression, i also suffer badly from anxiety. I have found the medication to be a help but the problem is my eldest daughter, she is 20 and has had about 24 jobs in the past 4 years. She either walks out of them or is sacked. At the time of my dads death, my daughters 3 year relationship broke up and she seems to be going downhill since then. She shares a flat with her brother and as she is on benefits and has no money its left up to him to pay for bills and food. She is also suffering form depression but i don't think she is trying to help herself, even though she has no money she still manages to go out to the pub most nights and she told me that she has been smoking a lot of grass lately too. I am really at my wits end and just don't know what to do, i have really tried to help and support her as much as i can but i have 2 children at home and have to put their needs first. It is so hard to think positively when i am so worried about her all the time. Does anyone have any advice on what i should do? I don't want to turn my back on her.

Sorry this is so long but i just have to get it off my chest, otherwise i'd go mad!

Hi Kaylasmum,

I don't really know what to say about your daughter. Its great that you're there for your son and accept his sexuality. Just carry on giving him the love and support he needs to carry on doing so wel in his life and career.

As for your daughter, was she close to her grandad? Maybe it hit her really hard and this is why she cannot face work, smokes grass and drinks alot. Go round for a cuppa or invite her around and ask whats on her mind.

I am 21 and when I have something on my mind, I keep it to myself for ages until my mum mithers it out of me, so maybe u just need to subtely push her a little to open up to u.

At the least she has to take responsibility for her own life, but I will try and say something more constructive later...I have also had problems with my dd of same age and had helpful advice on here.

I have to get some work done and get to the post office by twelve so if I can I will post later.

Try not to worry as no dount you are worrying more than she probably is.

Thank you both for your replies,

Today my daughter was taken to hospital after taking an overdose of her anti-depressants, i am both worried and angry with her for doing this. She is ok, they are keeping her in overnight and hopefully going to get her to speak to a physciatrist before she leaves. She was telling me that she just does'nt want to live. I don't know whether this was a serious attempt on her life or a cry for help.

I have told her that i want her to come and stay with me, this will be extremely difficult for both of us as we do tend to rub each other up the wrong way, and also i will have to give her my youngest daughters bedroom and take the little one in with us which could be a problem as she has had slep problems since birth which only started to improve since she went into her own room. I want to help my daughter but i don't lnow what is the best way to go about it. I feel so low at the moment and i'm afraid that i will start to become more depressed and unable to cope but i have to stay strong for my kids.

Hello Kaylasmum

I can't begin to help but perhaps she would be better to stay in the flat but spend more time with you in the day time. Hopefully the overdose will be the lowest point for both of you.

I know it's hard but can you try to encourage her to talk about her future in a positive way, the kind of work or study she might be happier in. I've no doubt she is quite stubborn and negative at the moment but you have to find the strength to keep gently plugging away until you push the right buttons which will happen sooner or later.

Sorry to be woolly.

Hi lemonice,

My daughter was unable to stay in the flat as my son has decided to move out and the landlord said that she would have to leave aswell, she moved in last night and starts a new job this evening so hopefully things will start to improve for her.

She does'nt have a very easy personality so i just hope that i can cope with having her around so much, we do tend to argue quite a lot and i'm worried that there is going to be a lot of tension in the house.