Seeing GP today

[flamingobingo]

I'm so nervous about going on ADs. Really, really terrified, in fact. But I've decided that I am going to have to to keep my children safe. I'm so gutted.

I've been progressing so well with the therapy I've been having too.

Could do with some good old MN support for the next couple of weeks as I really am scared of the side effects. DH didn't want me to go on them either. Not for stigma reasons, or not wanting medication reasons, but we're both just very nervous of me reacting to them badly.

He's got to try to arrange for his colleague to come into work so he can come home and come with me - we're leaving the older children with a friend and just taking the baby. I'm ringing the GP at 9am to try to get an appointment today.

I did try to get them once before, but our GP surgery is very lentil-weavery, which is great when you don't want them jumping to prescribe pills for every cough and cold, but a bit shit when you have got up the guts to go and get ADs and they fob you off with art therapy, and you're on your own and don't have the strength to fight your corner enough. This time they have a letter from my therapist and I'll hopefully have my DH with me who can say 'yes, she really is loopy - just give her the ADs'!

Sorry this turned out so long - I just can't get over how nervous I am - arranging the appointment itself is stressful enough!

anyone?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Well thanks for all the support Mumsnet. Well impressed.

Anyway, will rant away. DH's fucking colleague won't come in so he can come home so I can go to see GP.

It's been so much bloody hard emotional work to get the guts up to go and get these fucking ADs and every single time something gets in my way.

I knew it would be more bloody stress than it's worth to get on the fucking things.

Now I'm sobbing and have no clue where to turn from here. Yes, I know, when I'm not sobbing, I'll be able to see quite clearly that I just wait a day and go tomorrow instead. But I can't bloody see that now.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I think at this sort of time in the morning you don't get so many replies because people are busy with nursery/school runs and/or getting to work. It's not that no-one cares.

It is stressful taking that first step. But they take a few weeks to work, so an extra day is not going to matter in the grand scheme of things - I guess it probably doesn't feel like that at the moment. Therapy and the drugs together is very effective - much better than either seperately - so you have made a brave choice. They do have side effects but much less than in the old days. I hope you can get in to the GP tomorrow. Could you try writing down what you want to say but worry you might not be able to? That has always helped me in the past.

Thanks, mouse.

I know in my rational mind that there's no reason why anyone would reply. Trouble is, my mind is not rational right now.

Got appointment for tomorrow afternoon. DH's colleague will just have to lump it. I still can't stop crying though. But then this is the pattern - something starts me crying, then I can't stop.

And getting my hopes up for something and being disappointed is just about the worst thing for setting me off.

Fuck.