POST NATAL DEPRESSION FOR 3 AND A HALF YEARS PLEASE HELP NEED A FRIEND

[jadine]

I have been told i have pnd depression again i have had this ongoing for 3 and half years suffered serious kidney problems went into hospital to try and stop prematue labour i can count on one hand how i nearly lost our children.|I feel so lonely, my partner works long hours to provide for the family, but i feel alone trying to cope and be a good mum.
I work two nights in a garage from 6pm to 12pm im not putting the job down but i came from a sales background worked for a newspaper and a recuitment company now i feel so unhappy because i know i can do so much more, but i do it because it makes my children happy.
I feel sad because i feel i can not talk to my partner anymore about the fact we are growing apart i have known him since i was 17 im 35 this month i love him but i dont know what to do please help me im so lonely xxx.

I had my first bra at the age of 9 & remember going on our first school trip to weymouth. The boys came into our room & found my bra (no body else was wearing them at that point because they had nothing to put in them) - they started pinging this bloody thing around & im sure it got shot down the corridoor at one point! Everybody in my year very quickly found out that I was the only one big enough to be wearing a bra, so u can well imagine how embarrassing that was - the buggers!

Ive taken a few other ods, but never ended up in hospital b4 last june. I normally kept quiet about it, praying that it would work. Ive self harmed to - pretty much ur friendly neighbourhood fruit loop me! lol! Im now 17 weeks preggers with my 2nd child & am teetering on the edge of that black cloud again but am desperately trying to stay above it & put things in place that helped me through it last time. Ive had an awful lot of s**t to deal with in the past week but havent cracked yet. Am keeping my fingers crossed & annoying friends & family & doing as much as possible to keep myself occupied! My house has never been so bloody clean! lol!

I'm just coming up to nineteen weeks. If you want to add my on msn I posted my address above. If you're a fruit loop then I'm a box of them I've never gone so long without hurting myself, its really difficult. Thats what's so great about this place, there are people with all sorts of back grounds. I don't feel so alone knowing there are people here I can talk to.

I've had a really rough week too... Its been a nightmare. I've been in tears most days, and part of me wishes I'd stayed on my "happy pills" - hope that term doesn't offend anyone, it just always makes me giggle. Stay strong. The sunshine always helps me feel that bit better.

EM (and Louby) you know- if you need them, there are ADs that are safe to take in pg. Keep well.

I know, you are safe to take AD's after 12 weeks. In my last pregnancy they put me onto 150mg sertraline hydrochloride - what a joy! lol!I started on 50mg, but they just kept on upping my doseage.
Ive not been on them since last june and so far (touch wood) dont feel that I need to go back onto them.
I have learnt to recognise when that black cloud is looming and put strategies in place to avoid it taking over.
Not really one for crying, but having a good old moan to my mates definately helps to get stuff off my chest!
Like I say, s**t week, but keepin myself busy & not takin any crap from no one! lol! grrrr! (does it show that im currently a woman on a mission?!)lol!

EM - Callin them 'happy pills', just shows that you can make light of a bad situation & I think anybody who has even come close to our predicament can appreciate that so dont worry! will send u a 'hello' on msn.

Louby- I think there's also a support thread for pg and depressed .... but not 100% on the title... Flame started one.
{smile] hope today is better for you (all)

The physc. I saw yesterday wants to put me back on tablets. Dunno whether I'm releaved or disappointed... Part of me wanted to do this without tablets. But he thinks I'm at risk without them so I said I'd think about it... Got my 20 week scan in just over 2 weeks, so will make sure everythings okay there, then consider it.

each peach - i want to keep u in my pocket! ur so sweet. im ok hunny, hav written a totally kick ass letter to my boss that will defo put the wind up em so thats one less thing off my mind!

em - i know u feel like ur lettin urself down by goin back onto them dalin (i fealt that way too), but look at it this way.
depression is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain that makes u unable to cope as well with fairly regular things like others would. The tablets just top up that inbalance to help u to rationalise & cope with things in a better way.
if u were diabetic - would u feel bad about needing insulin?
depression is an illness & is not something that u hav brought on urself or ur fault in any way.
get back onto the meds & let them start working hunny. the doc wudnt offer to put u on them if ifthought it wud harm baby.

em- im on fbook 2, ive sent u an email so when i hear back from u on that, i will let u have my fbook name.