Everything getting too much, have had enough

[tonks]

Title says it all really, just feel like everything is getting on top of me, every day I deal with the same crap & I'm just getting fed up.

Every day is the same, I take the ds's out somewhere, come home, try to keep the house clean, at some point ds1 will have a tantrum over something & I'll shout at him.

Because I seem to spend most of my time dealing with ds1, ds2 just gets plonked in his chair or on his mat & left to it.

Dh doesn't help around the house, he always wants to talk about what's wrong with me & I'll say it would help if you did this but he never does. He says I have to ask him every single day to remind him . That just makes me feel like his mum & to be frank means our sex life is non-existent as I can't bear the thought of it.

I'm trying to study now (when I'm qualified I'd be able to work from home & set my own hours) but the only time I get is in the evenings after the ds's have gone to bed & then I'm shattered. I'm also trying to train for a 5k run (thinking exercise might help my mood) but same problem there as well.

I just don't know how to make things better. I honestly feel like walking out sometimes & leaving them all to it. I feel like I'm such a crap mum that the ds's would be much better off without me. Something keeps stopping me though.

If anyone has got any tips I would be grateful. I don't want to feel shit, I want to be a good mum to the ds's as they are really good boys. I suspect I just need someone to knock some sense into me & tell me to get on with it.

You don't need sense knocked into you, your husband does though.

You're not a crap mum, you're a bored knackered time starved mum. Huge difference.

Next time your husband wants to talk about what's wrong with you, i would reply "nothing darling, but we really need to sort out what's wrong with you".

OK so i'm being a bit tongue in cheek there, but it sounds to me as though your husband not pulling his weight is causing all the issues here.
ie, if he did bedtime routine a couple of nights a week you could start studying earlier and not be tired.
If he did the cooking at the weekends you could relax abit more etc etc.

Does your husband know that his not pulling his weight is the biggest factor in you not wanting to have sex with him?
Is he aware that this is pretty much at crisi point?

Idrank, he isn't aware its got so bad. Tbh, he is very good with the boys, he does help with bedtimes & about once a month will take them off to his parents for the day.

Most of my tiredness is from being up at 6am with ds2 & then pretty much been on the go the rest of the day until 7pm. Ds1 is a very active 3yr old, if he does sit down to have a rest then that's when I need to get the washing on, rooms tidied & cleaned etc.

I think you're right though, the big issue is dh not helping, he can see a mess in front of him & not think to tidy up. I just get fed up of having to ask him to do something all the time, eg if I want him to wash/sterilise ds2's bottles he'll pull a face & say 'if you really want me to'.

That's what really gets to me, I'm not asking him to do a lot tbh, just enough to take a bit of pressure off me.

Poor you

Perhaps you could sit down with him and work out what jobs he could possibly do for you. Do the washing up in the evening, or run the hoover round etc. Get him to agree to maybe two jobs and write them down for him.

My Dh is very helpful but he is still a man, and if i have managed to get clean washing upstairs and onto our bed, but not put away, when we go up to bed, he will happily sit on the bed and play with his phone and not think about moving the washing.

I now have a list on the kitchen cupboard with my list of everyday jobs - empty dishwasher/do washing etc, and then under each day i have 3 other jobs that need doing, clean bathroom/tidy bedrooms etc. I think this has helped DH realise how much i do everyday and when i have asked him to do something, it is not because i can't be bothered iyswim?

I think there may be other issues here, but i'm sure that when you are not so knackered it may seem easier. I am also on the slatterns which really helps me, as i used to get so down about being stuck at home all day with DD and loads to do, now i don't feel i am on my own, and get some encouragement.

Good luck with it all

Sorry I didn't mean to ignore you, had a v busy weekend.

Alice, thanks for the suggestions. I might head over to the slatterns thread, like you said its feeling alone with it all that's the worst.

Funnily enough, everything came to a bit of a head on Sat & I ended up telling him everything . I think he was a bit shocked about how bad I felt things had got. Anyway, upshot is we've agreed on jobs he will do each day. I've said I don't want to be asking him every day so we've put a list up in the kitchen where he'll see it

I can't believe it seems to have been so easily resolved, I feel a bit pathetic really. I just hope that with his help, I won't be so impatient with ds1 any more.

We have all been where you are myslef it was about four minths ago and i walked into my son pre school and burst in to tears you need help from you dh around the house and with the boys and maybe even from the doctor have you looked in to homestart they help by finding you some one to come in one a week to give you some surpport with the children allowing you to do some thing for yourself
you are doing great you just need an exrt bit of help

I'm glad you have started to sort it