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Hate myself... Dentist ripped me off but I let him... (long post...)

8 replies

nakushita · 25/05/2009 09:30

Sorry this sounds so shallow but the thing is I keep getting myself into trouble because I can't always stand up for myself.

Example here is over 2 years ago I felt proud of myself because I went to the dentist (found an NHS one) for the 1st time in 12 years after my original childhood dentist was struck off for wrecking loads of people's teeth (including mine - removed teeth that were perfectly healthy, fillings done over decay so the teeth rotted under the fillings and so on) so I needed a lot done. I have a major phobia and told dentist all about how terrifed I was. He was an absolute angel and put me totally at ease... He then proceeded to plan out and print a list of treatment and an agreed price list which we both signed. It was for around £120 of work which I was happy with after 12 years.

Anyway, once treatment started, I was terrified and would turn up, wait around for about 15-30 mins as he was always running late and then he would start the work, mumble stuff about "hmmm... There's more decay here than I thought... I'll need to fill this ok?" and I was thinking "well, you have drilled a big hole in my tooth, WTF else can I say apart from ok?"

This seemed to happen every time and the receptionist would just reprint the old plan of work with the new work done on it even though I had not agreed before hand. He even half filled one tooth and said he would finish it next time. He also worked on my teeth for 50 mins withouth letting me close my mouth and I have TMJ so my jaw almost locked and my mouth snapped shut n I bit him. He was absolutetly raging. I was very apologetic n said "I didn't mean it". He just glared at me n carried on working. He then said "I think we will just do this EXTRACTION while we are here" and pulled my back tooth out. (He had mentioned having to do a possible extraction but not after 50 mins of other work). Luckily I had taken the day off work to go to the appt.

Anyway, the thing is I finished the treatment, cried every time I left the surgery and felt like a total idiot as I didn't once complain. I did query that he kept adding to the bill and doing more work but he just said "well you agreed to it!" in a curt way. Yeh - I agreed in the chair when he had already started as a)I was terrified b) stupidly trusted him as a medical professional and c) he had already started drilling/cutting gum away etc.

I just wanted it over. I also didn't realise that he had put me as a private patient for the last half of my treatment. I got a crown on NHS but then all the fillings he had put private as well as scale and polish and other stuff. I never bothered to complain!

What the f+@~ is wrong with me? Why did I let him do this to me? I forked out at least £700 for my teeth to be fixed then I found a new fully NHS dentist who took me on when I was pregnant and she is so much more professional than the flashy guy with his fancy practice and "awards" for customer satisfaction n family friendliness. She looked at the work I had done and said "How old is this crown? It def needs replaced" which was the one he had done about a year previously. She said it was really badly done.

Anyways, I have been waking up at night worrying because I can't seem to stand up for myself and it cost me all that money. I think it is because we are totally skint just now and I wasted all that money and no one knows how much I spent as it was all on credit cards. OH would be horrified and very angry that I didn't stand up for myself.

I have been in the same kind of situation with other things where I have been pressured into signing up for something (esp when i am really anxious or depressed) and I will sign up for store cards at the check out or stand and listen to someone trying to sell me a new kitchen when I have no intention of buying one and it takes me all my effort to tell them "no thanks" n walk away.

Other times I am really strong and can stand up for myself but when I am having panic attacks or with an "authority figure" I seem to fall apart and turn back into a child "do as you are told" even when it involves handing over a credit card...

What is wrong with me.

Sorry for the huge post. Think I needed to vent...

OP posts:
nakushita · 25/05/2009 09:31

Maybe I should have mentioned, I have social anxiety disorder and major anxiety issues which have lead to TMJ caused by tooth clenching/grinding which in turn lead to dental problems. I had hypnotherapy as I am still too scared to take AD's as I have anxiety about taking them too... Vicious circle...

OP posts:
dittany · 25/05/2009 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany · 25/05/2009 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsAllaBitNoisy · 25/05/2009 10:02

Just smile and say "No thanks" while walking away.

I get so many "thank yous" from sellers, chuggers, charity collectors etc for just smiling and saying no thanks. I think they are used to being completely blanked.

They are chancing their arm, and you are perfectly entitled to just walk away.

The dentist, on the other hand, was a crook. I would have done exactly the same - no other option really at the time. But well done on getting a new dentist.

nakushita · 25/05/2009 10:05

Thank you for replying dittany I always come on here and end up ranting away. I just feel so pathetic and end up worrying for ages (obviously since this happened a couple of years ago!) and going over and over the situation even though I can't do anything to change it now. I think I am worried about DS being ashamed or embarrassed by me if he realises I act like this sometimes. I feel I need to be strong for him and am such a failure sometimes. Like he has an egg allergy (not confirmed by tests though as they said it could make it worse to purposely expose him at such a young age - he is just 1) and they were worried about giving him MMR in case of a reaction. A friend said I should demand to have it done at hospital but I trusted GP who said it would be fine to have it in surgery since he never had anaphylaxis (sp?) when he had egg before. Then I was worried that I was just agreeing with an authority figure again and made myself sick worrying about him having reaction to MMR but it was all fine thankfully.

Sorry - I am off on one again...

OP posts:
seriouscase · 25/05/2009 10:18

Hi Nakushita, how about getting some assertiveness training? Perhaps your GP could refer you if anything like that is available in your area. Or find a book to help give you some tips.
Your old dentist sounds awful btw and I would feel the same too. Try to think of it as his problem and not yours!

ItsAllaBitNoisy · 25/05/2009 10:26

Maybe try to do one "assertive" thing a day?

Just something small, so that when you lie down to sleep at night, you can think "right, I did that - GO ME!"

Baby steps.

nakushita · 25/05/2009 10:39

I like that... baby steps is prob what I will have to remind myself. I always concentrate on the big picture and get myself in a state. I have social anxiety so an actual assertiveness course meeting strangers would prob be counter productive. Would love to though! I will try to do a little a day and build it up. Thanks!

It is way too easy just to fall back into the vicious circle of old behaviours n get stuck in a rut again.

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