what do I do? I am pregnant but very suicidal

[pretzels]

Hi, I don't think I'd be allowed to take benzodiazepines or antidepressants while pregnant? I am 10 weeks now and every few minutes I think about ending my life. I have recently had a major bereavement and I feel very traumatised by this (my daughter died, age 1). I can't get images of her illness out of my head. I just want to be with her, but I know that I wouldn't want to harm the baby, but my need to be with her again is overwhelming, or maybe it is more that the pain of not having her is unbearable. I can't go on like this.

Sorry to sound melodramatic, I just wonder what I should do, I don't want to tell anyone how I feel incase I am sectioned!

Is there anything that could help, like any drugs that would be suitable for use in pregnancy?

Thanks

www.childbereavement.org.uk/for_professionals/information_by_profession/counsellors

i think you need to go to your doctors and talk about prenatal depression and get your meds reviewed.

good luck

You need to tell someone how you feel. Someone who will help you. Please see your midwife or GP straight away. They will understand. It was very recent, yes? Take care.

Thank you for the link I will have a proper look at it.
I think the main fear is that if I tell anyone, they will highlight me as being at risk of pnd etc and take the new baby away as soon as it is born!
I am really not coping, I miss her so much and my mind is in overdrive telling me I could have got her to a hospital sooner and she would have lived, thus in my mind I killed her (which I didn't but I believe that my failure to act promptly may have affected the outcome- so I did, in a way) and I just can't do it anymore.
I don't want to do anything stupid while I am pregnant but it feels like the edd is too far away to wait until afterwards, if that makes sense. Every day is like 10 years of torture at the moment.

Yes it was recent. I think it is just starting to hit me.

Please, please talk to someone urgently. Of course you are struggling to cope. Have you seen a midwife or your GP in this pregnancy? With the recency of your bereavement they must be expecting you to need support. Please take it.

You need to speak to a doctor ASAP. Either phone your GPs out of hours line, or go to A&E. This is serious - as much of a medical emergency as a heart attack or stroke.

(I took sertraline during my last pregnancy for antenatal depression, with the blessing and advice of my psychiatrist)

I have no advice that hasn't already been given pretzels but my heart goes out to you.
Please phone somebody.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Please seek help. you really can't go through this on your own.

There almost certainly are meds you can take but you will need close monitoring and specialist support. If you see your Gp or midwife they will refer to a psychiatrist asap.

Take care xxx

Ive been thinking about all the things I didn't do for her while she was here and all the ways I should have saved her, and how scared she looked at the end, and how I didn't kiss her goodbye as I thought she'd be fine. I was so distant, I really thought she'd pull through. She was my raison d'etre in a way, I have a bit of a history of depression/anxiety, but had been fine for 4 or 5 years and I had never been happier than when she was born and the months that followed. Now I just don't think I deserve to be here anymore, she suffered so much on her own.

I haven't seen a midwife yet, saw gp after it happened, before I knew I was pregnant.I worry that in ringing someone I will be highlighted as a problem, or I will be wasting their time.

Sorry, I will go and see a midwife this week I guess. Thank you for your help

Pretzels,
There is a thread on bereavement topic for parents who have lost children...there are some lovely people on there who will have real empathy for what you are going through.

I am also suffering from AND, my midwife has been fantastic, as has the psychiatric nurse she referred me to. I have 2 children and there has been no discussion of social services involvement at all,as my children are not at risk as a result of my illness. Just wanted to reassure you, talk to someone as soon as you can xx

Gosh im so sorry to hear your story.

Go and see your GP asap, there are alot of safe tablets to take in pregnancy and social services would not be involved, theres no reason for them to be.

I hope your ok.

Your post has brought tears to my eyes, I wish I could give you a hug and allow you to let your feelings out, please talk to someone, you are carrying a huge burden and deserve compassion and understanding, you brave lady. Please take care of yourself and let us know how you are.

Pretzels I'm so sorry to hear about your little girl and how bad you are feeling now. You have every reason to be upset but even if you didn't have a 'reason' as such it wouldn't make a difference to the GP and midwife, they are getting more and more used to ante-natal depression and there are medications you can take. I am currently taking anti-depressants and was since before I got pregnant. Last pregnancy without them I was close to where you are now and never want to go there again. . Big hugs to you and I hope you do see a doctor, of course it won't take away your pain but will get you back to a place where you can begin to cope. Thinking of you.