Does anyone else get in this state and if so how do you deal with it? Need help...

[dryeyes]

Hello,

have namechanged for this. I really need help and I don't know how to get it. Well, actually, I really need sleep, but same thing applies. Have a 3yr old and a 10m old, who has never slept more than about 4 hours straight, and that's fairly exceptional.

This last week I have hardly had any sleep at all. Take last night, it's fairly indicative; I went to bed at 11pm, got up at 5.30am and fed my baby 5 times during that time.

It's quite literally driving me insane, I don't think I can hold it together much longer. DH came home from work yesterday 2 hours early so I could have a sleep but obviously that's far from ideal, and then I got no sleep last night so am back to square 1.

The problem is that I've starting thinking about self harming - not in a suicidal way, but when I was younger in times of severe emotional distress I would pierce myself - it's like if there's too much to deal with inside my head I need something external to distract myself. I haven't really felt like that in over 10 years until recently when I have quite literally wanted to bash my head against a wall through lack of sleep and the sheer relentlessness of it all. It's making me shouty with my toddler, I have no energy to do anything and am really struggling. DH is good but he is really stressed with everything we have going on and can't really take more of the strain. We can't get help from anyone and it's the helplessness that makes me get like this.

Is it fairly common to get this stressed out with having young children or am I just pathetic? I don't know how to deal with it.

bump...

You're not pathetic at all.. sleep deprivation is literally torture. DS wasn't a good sleeper at all to start with and I really felt like I was losing the plot.

Haven't had the self-harming release thing for a long time, but I know what you mean - like an itch you have to scratch isn't it.

Sorry not to be more help but didn't want this to go unanswered.

Do you co-sleep with your 10mo?

Well step one is to address the problem of sleep ie. get you some more sleep and then once you are rejuvinated work on getting your dcs to sleep longer.

You say dh is good, so could you sit down calmly with him and work out how you can fit more sleep into your life. Going to bed early, him doing some of the night feeds. If you're bf he can still help, by 10 months your baby should need 5 feeds during the night, could your dh offer water for example. Could you agree to having a long lie in at the weekends? Could you go to bed much earlier for a while? Try not to panic, it really is only temporary, once you recharge your batteries you will feel much better.

thank you for replying Sheeta. I have been co-sleeping until about a month ago but have managed to get him to go down in his cot next to the bed now, which is an improvement, but I still end up getting him into the bed to feed him and putting him back when he's finished.

To make things worse the older one has also started getting up as many as 5 times in an hour (last night between 1-2am) and then he gets up at 6am ish as well.

I just can't see an end to it. I can't even get dressed and get out of the door.

Meant to add - the only way we got through this hellish stage was alternating nights. I was on maternity leave and although DP works full time he was amazing and did a lot of the night time stuff for a little while, just so I could catch up and start to deal with the night weaning (we picked one feed at a time and gradually reduced it, once that one was dropped, we moved onto another specific feed - the 12:30am ones were the worst, so that's the one we dropped first).

Thanks Mag - have been thinking 5 times is excessive but if I don't do it he screams and wakes everyone up which can involve dealing with two awake children instead of one. He's also teething which is why I've kept doing it, but it can't stay like this. I'm wondering if I can just not feed him between 11pm and 7am and see if that will push him into sleeping longer?

I've got such a hideous headache, I don't know how I'm going to get through the day. Was going to go to a playgroup but I just can't get myself together.

(hugs)

have a shower and try and get out of the house, it will help, i promise

Is there anyway DH can take the kids tomorrow so you can have a long bath/sleep/something else relaxing?

Getting DS to go longer between sleeps will obviously help, but you need to catch up a bit first so you've got the energy to tackle it.

You poor thing. The sleep deprivation can really make you feel like you are losing it. I remember it well - I felt like I was going crazy.

Is there any way you could go to bed at the same time as the children or shortly after, until you catch up with your sleep a bit? Get DH to do whatever needs to doing in the evening (dishes etc) and you have a bath after the DC are down and get straight to bed. If you could do that for a few days maybe it would help?

thank you - will try to get some sleep at the weekend. Managed to make a cake with my toddler this morning, only 5 and a half more hours to kill.

So dismal when everyone else you see with 2 kids seems to take it in their stride effortlessly.

I have no advice ..... but wanted to post becuase I know how hard it it. Don't be too hard on yourself, not everyone with two kids "takes it in their stride" , Mine are 4.5 and 2.5 and I am only just starting to feel like things are getting better, and even then we have bad days.

Go to bed in the evenings ..... be selfish and make sleep a priority, houseowrk, TV and everything esle can wait. If you have lack of sleep it stops anthing else being a pleasure.
Take care

you poor thing.

I've suffered with the same issues and i know how self harming seems like a good idea ( at the time. I don't know about you but I always regretted it.

I can see how tired you are. My 10mo is just sleeping better now and his big sister has been acting her age at night now (she was waking up in the night too, age 5 after sleeping well for years) but the relentlessness of broekn nights is sheer torture. the not knowing how much sleep you're going to get is horrendous.

Well done on the baking this morning. You've done something your toddler will have enjoyed so a big pat on the back.

if you can't face play group can you get out for a walk/park trip. Fresh air amd sunshine will make you fele a bit better for a while.

and 2 kids is not effortless.

I know it is easy to look like that (I am sure the mums at my dd's school think I have sailed through having 2 dcs) but i am 99.9% positive that noone finds it a doddle. SOme may have more good times than others int he early days but everyone finds it a strain....

Oh please dont compare yourself with others with 2 kids, they are probably out the house cos they need to escape too!

You made a cake with your toddler this morning despite having very little sleep - that's fantastic! many would just have put on the tv!

as others have said, sleep when you can. 10month old really shouldnt need so many feeds at night - could it be a comfort thing more than hunger? Can you hv help with suggestions.

got a friend with toddler and baby and she goes to bed as soon as toddler does at 8pm as she knows baby will wake her in the early hours. Her hubby goes to bed then too so he can get up if needed. They know it wont be for long but at least this way they are not too frazzelled.

at 10 months i turned the bf tap off on ds1. he fed for half an hour in every 2, 24/7 and i was physically exhausted. the combination of that and almost 3yo dd1 was exactly what you are going through - very very difficult.
i would second getting out of the house, and getting dh to give you a six hour period as often as possible where you will not be disturbed.
sleep deprivation is torture, quite literally - that's why it's effective in interrogation lol, so of course you feel like you are sliding down into a pit of despair.
ds1 slept much better once he realised i was not under any circumstances going to bf him. there was nothing to wake up for, so he didn't bother. at 10 mo he didn't need a night feed in any case - it was habit, and comfort. can dh take the night shift for you on fri and sat and see how it goes? can you go somewhere else over night to sleep, so you can't hear him wailing? that way, if you don't want to stop bf altogether, you won't be tempted to do so in the silent hours?
you do need to come up with a strategy with dh, to stop yourself going further downhill.

it does all sound very recognisable though, you are definitely not alone

thank you for being so kind. I really am was starting to feel like a total freak.

i wrote 'i have gone to the airport' on the fridge in alphabet magnets during the same period. small children can def drive you to despair. you are about as much of a freak as most of the rest of us.
and that means not at all. but you do need to take some action before you find yourself harming.