If someone has had two textbook hypomanic episodes, are they fairly likely to have another?

[SpaceSaver]

Because my ex has had a couple of periods like this, which contributed to our relationship becoming unworkable. Yet now he is as lovely as he's ever been, and I feel confused and am wondering if I was imagining his destructive highs and long lows, and their fallout. And also, I'm wondering could I have somehow caused him to behave as he did? Because he's in a new relationship now, and seems very balanced, calm, fair, reasonable - while I find it difficult to be pleasant around him because of how much he hurt DS and I when he was last 'up'. And being the frosty, more emotional one in the face of his 'niceness', I feel as though I must be the one with mental health issues. A part of me I'm not proud of wants to see him have another high/low, purely to reassure me that I haven't lost the plot and my instincts haven't been failing me. (A psychiatrist my ex is seeing is undecided as to whether he has full-blown bipolar disorder or not.)

I feel as though my head has been royally screwed with in recent years, and now, in the moment, he is fine and I'm a bit of a wreck.

Argh. Can living with someone with borderline/undiagnosed/unmanaged bipolar play with one's head like this?

Anyone?

tbh if the psychiatrist is having doubts re a formal diagnosis then it is difficult to predict what might happen in the future.

Has the psychiatrist offered/suggested any other diagnosis?

Ime (I am a mental health nurse) people can display these type of mood swings for many other reasons. He may have a personality disorder, causing highs and lows which makes it difficult for him to control his impulses/emotions.

In his new relationship he may be on his best behaviour for now? Perhaps if he gets stressed/tired his true behaviour will show?

In some ways it's irrelevant apart from (of course) his relationship with his ds. How old is ds btw? Is is possible for you to restrict your contact with your ex as much as possible.

Also I would suggest you consider some counselling for yourself to help you address some of the stuff you have been through. You can get it free via the NHS, just ask your GP.

Thanks, onepieceofcremeegg. Useful to have your nursing perspective. My ex saw a private psychiatrist who gave him an almost instant diagnosis of bipolar disorder (his symptoms are textbook). But my ex had doubts about this man, so took the NHS route, and the NHS psyhiatrist hasn't raised a personality disorder as a possibility (although a family contact who is also a psychiatrist has) but has said my ex either has bipolar or has had a few bouts of youthful recklessness.

I see what you're saying about my ex's mental health being largely irrelevant, except where DS is concerned. DS is fairly young, so contact is still regular. I think for me, what is relevant, is needing some sense of certainty - of validation - that it isn't me imagining a load of outlandish things and losing the plot; I want to be able to move forward knowing that my own mental health is, well, healthy and at the moment, I am doubting that. With no diagnosis for my ex - i.e. with nothing effectively being 'wrong' IYSWIM - I look back on the last few years and wonder if I've been imagining things, if that makes sense. He seems well right now, and I'm still reeling from the hurt he has caused, and it's that dynamic that's confusing: in the moment, I'm the one who seems unstable. Don't know if this is making sense ...

I think your suggestion of some counselling for me is a jolly good one. Thanks. I'll call my GP's surgery later today.

SpaceSaver just to add that even if your ex never has a formal diagnosis, it doesn't mean that he hasn't behaved very unkindly and hurtfully towards you. I believe what you are saying, and I don't even know you.

Some people do behave in a very selfish and "mind game" type of way (a bit like my own ex) and it doesn't necessarily mean they are mentally unwell.

Some people behave like this and end up with a personality disorder diagnosis, others never enter the mental health "system" and are just treated as "eccentric" or "odd" or somehow get away with behaviour like this.

And yes, it does make sense. My ex was emotionally abusive (sounds like yours was too) yet he did everything in his power to make out that I was unreasonable, uptight, unfair etc etc.

Of course when someone behaves like that towards you, at times you do react in ways you would rather not, giving that person further "ammunition" to prove how unstable/over emotional you are.