Help

[HELPPPPPPP]

Firstly let me apologise if this is long and rambling. I just need to tell someone how I am feeling.

A little bit of background first. I am a long time member of mumsnet, but have not been on for sometime. I have set up a new account as I cant remember the details it has been so long and I have also got married a month ago. i have 2 daughters the eldest is 7 later this year and the youngest is 19months old.

Since having my youngest daughter I just don't seem to have the same patience with my eldest that I used to and I snap at the slightest thing. I try REALLY hard to keep calm and not shout, but sometimes she really winds me up and I end up screaming at her. We use a naughty stair, but when I send her there, she does not go and I have in dragged her there in the past.

This evening she has been painting a robot body that she made with her granddad yesterday. She wanted to tape up the back, but the paint is not yet dry. When she asked me to hold the box so she could tape it up I tried explaining calmly to her that the paint needed to be completely dry before taping it up, but it ended up as a screaming match and I threatened to put the thing in the bin. Also I had made her some toast about 7.15pm , so when it came to bedtime at 8pm I was upset that she had not finished it. She then pushed a small table into the middle of the room. I picked her up and put her on the stair, but she just started trying to push the door open and I had to stand with my hand against it.

I am REALLY scared that I am going to seriously hurt her one of theses days I don't know what to do.

are you getting much sleep?
has your daughters behaviour changed recently or are you just feeling less tolerant?

sorry, i don't know much about 7 year olds.

Thanks for replying.

I don't seem to be sleeping that well at the moment. But even when I do get a decent night's sleep I feel really up tight and the slightest thing annoys me.

You know what i'm going to say don't you?

I know I need some help, I have looked up te number of a counselling service and will call them tomorrow.

i hqve a 7yo ds plus 9yo dd1 and 5yo dd2)

He is totally unreasonable in any suggestiosn I have re: homework etc!

This inviolved us constructing a sun out of handprints at 7am the day it was due (I knwo I shouldn't - but he was n tears!)

I think at this age they are especially unreasonable!!!!

Some children are very stubborn - I have 3 of them!!!!!

You will neve rhurt them - but you will be VERY frustrated by them on a regular basis!

Please do get some help.

I have to say that I think when a mum is stressed and unhappy it makes the children more difficult.

My oldest is now 17 and I've been amazed at how well my 4 get on and how cooperative they are (most of the time, definitely not all).

My sisters and I bickered constantly and weren't very obedient. I don't think this is because we were 'taking advantage of my mum's illnesses' (though she certainly did), or were bad children. I think the depression and stress she was feeling made us unhappy and so more likely to argue or throw tantrums.

I hope both you and your daughter are feeling happier soon.

Didn't make any calls today as I had a thumping migraine all day. A neighbour took DD1 to school for me and brought her home again as I looked like death warmed up. FIL was round to put stair gate back up and then had the hairdresser round to cut my and DD2 hair. Once she had gone I put DD2 up for a nap and I went to bed myself. We both slept for a good 3 hours.

When DD1 get home from school everyone was very calm and I was determined not to raise my voice and I succeeded. I took DD2 upstairs to get ready for bed at 6.30 and asked DD1 to turn off the telly and come upstairs when her programmes finished at 7pm, She did this without any fuss whatsoever.

When we were in the bathroom cleaning her teeth tonight I said "Thank you for being a good girl for mummy tonight" and she commented on the fact that she had not been sent to the naughty stair.

Today has been a good day, but I WILL call the doctor tomorrow morning to get an appointment.

Speaking to DD1 this morning, she thinks that I started getting ratty with her after DD2 was born. Could I be suffering from PND or similar?

Well done - so glad you had a good day yesterday! Hoping it is the same today!

I think at 7 they can seem very grown up,and with a much smaller child to look after she suddenly seems very much older and you expect her to be very well behaved,maybe even helpful?

Its an easy trap to fall into and I would suggest going back to basics with your parenting,be polite,kind,clear in what you want her to do andtreat her as who she is ~ a small child still.

Having said that she's a bit old for the naughty chair which is also confrontational, a star chart working towards a treat with you [alone] would be better.

Do you think you could be depressed/guilty about having less time for her or feeling that loss of closeness which is making you snappy?Spend time with her with extra stories at bed time,or at the weekend ~better to start this now as she may be missing you and testing you to see if you still love her.
We've all struggled with stress and not enough time for the older one ~sort it now and you'll end up with a good relationship with her