Alcoholism...I REALLY WANT TO BL**DY UNDERSTAND!

[nelliesmum]

My Dad was operated on for bowel cancer a month ago, the wound hasn't even healed and he is back secretly drinking. I feel so cheated, like all the emotional energy of the last 3 months has been wasted, but I guess alcoholism is as much as a disease as cancer isn't it?

sorry to hear this~its so disappointing isn't it?
I hope the drinking doesn't get too severe and his health improves~is there chance of a cure?
Its a dependency and so people go back to it when the chips are down~utterly incomprehensible to everyone else though.

nelliesmum - it's a bit like people who have had tracheostomies to help them breathe because their emphysema is so bad from smoking - so they use the throat hole to smoke through.

It is an addiction, a disease, and tbh your Dad probably has no coping strategies, which is WHY he drinks, so he is scared because of the cancer and wants to blot it out by drinking more - purely because he has no other way of dealing with it.

Hi Nelliesmum, I know it is hard to understand such an awful illness such as alcoholism.

I am a recovering alcoholic myself and have now been sober 2 1/2 years...

Alcoholism is a very selfish and devious illness, as to an alcoholic, booze is cunning, baffling and powerful.

Your Dad will be drinking secretly because he is trying to hide how much he is drinking and because he feels ashamed of the quantity and probably times of the day he drinks.

The compulsion to drink is very strong and more often than not an alcoholic will physically need to drink and not have the urge to get drunk. This is just a consequence of drinking.. Its like self medicating and overdosing.

Its a vicious cycle... He will need to drink to keep a clear head, feel fairly normal, keep the "washing machine thoughts" at bay and not feel jittery and sick.

It takes alot to break the compulsion to drink, especially if he is completely physically addicted. Stopping could and probably would cause the DT's (google it). They are terrible and feel like you are going to die.....

Unfortunately the only person that can put an end to this is your father. I found the AA worked VERY well for me, and it was great to talk to other recovering alcoholics.

Many Alcoholics feel that it is only themselves that feel the way they do, talking to others does help.... Alot will tell the exact same story and describe the same feelings.

Hope this helps, just ask away if you need any more insight...

Itworksifyouworkit.

Fully endorse what IWIYWI says, except that whether or not he gets DTs really does depend on how much he drinks. Don't get me wrong, getting physically dry is not going to be fun for the first few days, for him or for those around him ... but, for example, I did not suffer DTs and nor did a lot of people I know (though, equally, a lot did.)

If you are at all worried about the physical side, consult a doctor and be as honest with him/her as possible about quantities and drinking patterns.

I too found AA worked very well for me, not least because they weren't "bloody do-gooders" but people who knew what they were talking about from personal experience. It took some believing at first, but every single person there had been through their own version of what I was going through - and come out the other side.

Incidentally, a lot of people think they are too old to go to AA and might as well just carry on as usual. So it might help your dad to know that I have seen men in their 60s and 70s come to AA, get sober, and continue to live happy lives thereafter. The only reason there aren't more like them is that a lot of people never make it that far if they keep drinking ... Your dad is one of the lucky ones and still has the chance to sort things out.

Of course, the other thing that keeps people away is the thought that, if life is this dreadful with a drink, what's it going to be like without one? Well, the good news is that the answer to that question is "fantastic" - as long as you take care of the reasons you drank as well as the drink itself. Luckily, AA can answer both if you let it.

Good luck to him and to you.

He will only be likely to have DTs if his drinking amount has been consistently very high recently~it doesn't sound like it has been due to his op.
I think emotional support can help,getting things in the open,trying to look to the future.But the drive to drink is from him and it is very difficult to impose your will on him,if he is intent on drinking.
I agree with whoever said if a person has a drink problem normally,it will be worse at times of stress or illness.
I have not had a drink problem myself but have experienced it within the family.
I was very disappointed when my parent was treated for a very strong physical addiction in hospital and then started back drinking on getting home.
Look after yourself and try not to feel too responsible for something you can't alter.