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Is there anything that can help with this, long and sad

30 replies

IandJsMummy · 10/05/2009 21:41

Not quite sure how to start this, I am having a really tough time and I think I need some help but I don't know where to go or who to speak to. I've written this and nearly deleted it, writing this and admitting to this is scary.

I am married and have two DC, who are 4 1/2 and 1 1/4. They are wonderful and so is my DH. I have a demanding career as a city lawyer, which I went back to 4 days a week 6 months or so ago. Since then, everything has become unmanageable. I feel I should be grateful for what I have but everything seems to be falling apart.

The main problem is work. Although I supposedly work 4 days a week, I am working between 50 and 60 hours a week. Its also high pressure with demanding clients and things in my team are tough so I don't feel I have enough support, so that everything is building up while I just firefight the stuff that I am being shouted at for. I can't cope anymore with it, but I am afraid of letting people down and if I am not there, the work doesn't go away, it either gets dumped on other people or (more likely) I have to do it from home while I am sick or it waits for my return.

On top of that, my DH has a job where he is away from home 50% of the time. I am very lucky and my mum helps me with collecting the children from nursery, but I still have to do everything when he's away, and then because I've left work early, I work all evening too. And because of the nature of his job, I am responsible for everything at home. When he is here, I can leave him lists and he will do stuff, but I have to manage and organise everything.

Then, my little DS has been ill all the time since I went back to work. He's ill again now and I'm so worried there is something really wrong with him. I'm so scared and I ended up in A&E with him today and I don't know whether its really that serious or if I am catastrophising because I am not coping.

I've got to the point where I am not coping with any of this, its all become too much and overwhelming. I cry all the time, and I cannot make decisions or organise myself anymore. I've got a big case on at work and I am afraid I will screw it up because its too much for me. I am rubbish at home and at work and I feel like I'm failing at everything.

I have no time for myself, on an average day I have hardly any time to myself and when I do have time I feel guilty because there is a mountain of stuff I should be doing and I'm not. I can't go to the gym, so I've put weight on, and I feel ugly and old. I've tried to buy clothes for work but I can't face trying anything on and shopping seems to make me cry. I don't know what suits me, I kind of feel like I don;t know who I am anymore. When I think about all this, my heart beats so fast and I feel sick or in tears.

I can't leave my job because I am the main breadwinner and I can't see how we can sell our house at the moment, so I feel completely trapped. DH has agreed we can plan to move, but its a long term aim and I don't know at the moment how I am going to make it through next week.

I know I am stressed, but I don't feel I can keep going. Is this depresion? Is there anything that can help? I am really hoping for some coping strategies if anyone has any. Would going to the GP help? I have name changed because I feel ashamed so please don't be horrible to me for being a new poster.

OP posts:
twowheels · 15/05/2009 12:48

i read your post as it's exactly how I am feeling. I have senior role in public sector and similiar pressures to you. i also name changed.

I just wanted to send you sympathies.

I jsut get through each day by dividing it up into smaller chunks of time ie morning, 2 hours in the afternoon.

IandJsmummy · 15/05/2009 16:43

Hi twowheels. I am sorry you feel like this too. I will try your small chunks of time tip.

OP posts:
run4it · 17/05/2009 17:24

HI, sorry you're feeling so rough. sounds like ADs would def. help. Also, if you're both working and doing ok financially, might it be possible to get a cleaner to take the load of hte house off you. Also, can you delegate to your husband - get him to take responsibility for certain jobs (eg he does the cooking the days he is around); also look at online shopping for groceries. I think the 'small chunks of time' tip is a good one - I use it myself. I've had PND and am much better now, but really did struggle in the early days. HOpe everything works - just don't be afraid to delegate.

FabulousBakerGirl · 17/05/2009 17:29

Take the ADs. They might not work but it has to be worth a try and will take a couple of weeks to kick in.

Both work and your DH need to realised that things need to channge otherwise you will be really ill and not able to do anything.

Let things go a bit, confide in your mum and make some time for yourself each day. Even 15 minutes in the bath with a magazine will help.

Devendra · 18/05/2009 07:59

Why can't you just go sick? Give yourself some breathing space and take stock... you sound on the verge of a serious depression... really go sick!!

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