Hi, I was like you - in my 20's before having kids, I had a real terror of planes. I was fixated with them, obsessed with crashing. I was a total nightmare on a plane, took rescue remedy drops (which make your breath stink!), took valium - nothing worked. I was terrified driving to the airport, terrified in the airport, diarrhoea in the airport toilet I was so nervous. I was panicked on the plane, making random conversations to DH 'talk to me....don't talk to me'
My fear came from my mother. She's terrified of flying and we went on holiday to spain when I was about 12, it was the first time I had flown and I was really excited but sitting next to my mother and watching her panicking the whole way I think told me that flying was something to be fear.
But.....you can talk yourself out of a phobia. Because I have and now when I fly, I am absolutely fine booking my flight, going to the aiport, through security. I'm fine getting on the plane.....I start to get butterflies as we taxi to the runway (as taking off is always the bit that scares me the most), but then as soon as the engines rev up the fear just seems to go and after having forced myself to look out the window and watch taking off rather than hiding my face....it now feels almost naturally enjoyable. And as soon as the seatbelt lights turn off I'm as happy as Larry! Honestly! I always want a window seat. There are some sunny days I look up and wish I was on a plane going somewhere.
I have learnt that even though the weather on the ground could be dark grey and windy, once you get through the clouds it's pretty much always sunny and calm.
Every time I flew I talked myself through all the noises that I was hearing, telling myself over and over what they were. I learnt to note when the engines sound louder and when they can sound scarily quiet. It's just gear changes....it's not the engine cutting out
I chewed the ear off this guy I knew who worked for Rolls Royce who build plane engines. Droning on and on about my fears. I asked him what the chances were of the engines just cutting out mid flight and he said 'pretty impossible'.
flying (especially in the western world) remains one of the safest ways to travel. Nothing is left to chance up there. Accidents are 'freak' accidents. You are 25 times more likely to win the lottery than you are to be in an plane crash....FACT
Turbulence alone has never brought down a commercial plane, ever, anywhere in the world. It might sometimes feel like you're going to fall out of the sky, but you really aren't.
And as my DH lovingly used to say to me - at the end of the day - you cannot control the plane and if it was to crash.....well, it would be so quick you wouldn't have time to know what's going on - so you might as well relax and enjoy yourself!