Day 1 back at normal office and can't stop crying it was so awful

[AutumnMists]

I had a fantastic 4 week project in another office with wonderful, cheerful, helpful and supportive people and have felt really good (have been on 40mg citalopram for depression for last 6 weeks).

Back to the normal grindstone today and already I feel like I cannot cope and really do not want to go back tomorrow. My manager dented my already fragile confidence with unhelpful, critical and demotivating comments. No one has bothered to update me on anything that has gone on in the last month, altho there is talk of reviewing processes and cutting costs (and people?), and I am left to just pick things up as I can

There is chance of the second (and sadly final) phase of the project in a few weeks / months so I am loathe to ask the doc to sign me off, but really cannot face the normal grind with my horrible manager - do not know what to do now ...

i can sympathise but have no advice sorry

bumping for you

Hi Autumnmists

I can totally sympathise - do you work for the same company as me?!

It sounds as if your 4-week project has reminded you that work can be enjoyable, you are good at your job etc etc and now what you may have found acceptable before no longer is. That's not a bad thing. Have you considered looking for another job? - somewhere that is more similar to where you did this other project? It doesn't sound as if your horrible manager is someone you could chat to about this but is there anyone in your HR dept you could speak to?

I don't know why you are on anti depressants but it may be that this job has been having more of an impact on your life than you have previously realised.

In my case I have recently finished some counselling (arranged and paid for by work but independant and confidential) and it has made me realise how unhappy I am at work, that this job isn't right for me and I need to get out (not sure this was the outcome my company were hoping for! ) - I just hadn't realised how much it was affecting me

Good Luck

Thanks for your reply bluejeans.

I think you are right and the job is not completely for me. I took it a few years ago because it was part time and a lot less busy / responsible / stressful which suited me with the kids being younger / starting school etc.

Now they are older I can cope with more but still need school friendly hours with limited late nights etc as dh is away lots so childcare becomes an issue - only problem is those jobs do not exist so I am sort of stuck which is not helping.

Interestingly I had counselling last year (also paid for by work, maybe we are in the same place - Sunday Times best big firm to work for?) and she said then maybe the job was wrong, but there are limited options.

I think I will have to get signed off - it is at least another 4 weeks til phase 2 and I am pretty sure I cannot manage that as things are at the moment

It does help to be able to 'vent' here to people who understand - no one at work understands the significant impact of depression on everything.

Hi Autumn, how are things? Did you decide to get signed off work? I agree looking for something else is not easy - esp at the moment. But I'm going to step up my search even if I do have to compromise. No job is worth this. Hm, don't think my company made the short list of rthe Sunday times though some in my office were given surveys (not me unfortunatley )

Hope you are feeling slightly better anyway

Hi bluejeans

Did not go in today (slept all day ) and have made docs appointment for tomorrow with a view to getting signed off.

Really feel I am letting people down as I was supposed to go to a strategy meeting for the next stage of the project tomorrow but they said if I was fit enough to do that I should be fit enough to work 'normally' and had to go in today / Wed at least which kind of makes sense

Still I feel a bit calmer for having made the decision - now I just have to try and not let my mother know if I want any peace and quiet to get better ... (she would be demanding all sorts of company / help if she knew I was not at work, and just making things worse!)

I just have to hope that the rest does me some good, and so I am OK to do phase 2 when it comes round

Thanks for listening