I am not even going to namechange. For the first time in as long as I can remember I just want to die or get out of my life

[hereidrawtheline]

Firstly I am just going to say so no one worries I am about to go out for a couple of hours so wont be able to reply straight away.

I would not actually hurt myself in any way. But I really really really feel like it. Or wish I just had "x" amount of money to just disappear somehow.

I just hate my life right now. DS is driving me fucking crazy. He never fucking shuts up he does everything at FULL shouting screaming volume. We tell him time and time again to quiet down and he totally ignores us and just keeps on shouting. It is nonstop pretty much any time he is awake with only a few exceptions when he is occupied. For those of you who dont know he is being evaluated for SN. He is almost 3 & has a lot of other issues but what is driving me over the edge right at the moment is the constant whining, shouting, screaming, attention seeking, talking over us and everything else, totally disobeying us.

I argued with DH this morning over nothing serious but he is driving me crazy too just generally not seeming to get things right. I know I am being prickly but he is also being shouty and either overbearing or just generally not making my life easier although I think this might be unfair of me as I know he tries.

We just got a new puppy and he is a handful. I love him to bits but he is constantly wanting to be right where I am and I cant leave him alone at all. And he has NOT got his manners yet he runs right under your feet and literally I am tripping over him, falling, and accidentally stepping on his paws all the time. I am of course actively training him and we will attend puppy obedience classes soon but for the moment I just want to lash out at everyone.

I feel like my life is just one long succession of work work work and I am so unhappy. DS is currently in the next room screaming & crying again over something god knows what this time.

I feel totally out of control like I just want to beat something. Just physically throttle something and I wont do that so I am typing here.

The other day I just sat down and cried because my DS was being so horribly difficult and the puppy was pulling my washing out of the washing basket. I started a thread about it then. Its just stupid things like something will rest on top of my DS's shoes and he will stand there and scream to get me to take it off his foot. He wont bend down and lift it himself. He is just hopeless. He cries and moans and shouts constantly. I havent raised him badly I am by all accounts a lovely mother but I feel I must have somewhere fucked up royally to have such an ill tempered, whiny, shouty child. It just never stops.

I do all I can, I play with him, I rest him, I gently discipline him I correct him. It just gets me nowhere. He is at heart a lovely little boy and is very sweet and caring but most of the time he is uncontrollable. I just cant get any help.

What guts me even more is DH will go back to work tomorrow and I will be alone again for the week (during the day I mean DH will be home around 6) and I just cant. I just cant face it anymore. I feel totally and utterly bereft of reserve morale.

I have to go they are loading the car up. I might be able to explain better later. Sorry to unburden.

it's a short week, just 4 days, if that helps at all.

how is dh fixed for holidays? could he take a day or so off? any family nearby? can you get out every day? i find being shouted at is easier when you're outside how does he cope with things like softplay? does he calm down with telly/dvds at all? don't feel bad for making use of them if you need to.

take as much pressure off yourself as you can - easy food, ignore washing/cleaning as much as possible. does ds nap at all? and talk to dh, explain you're at the end of your tether and you need extra help/understanding.

for a start.

Oh, hear, I don't really have any constructive advice but I just want to say you sound exhausted and/or stressed out from that post.
Are you sleeping ok? Does your DS sleep through?
Are you worrying avbout his diagnosis at all? I can only imagine that that woudl be icnredibly stressful as well.

Can you take a night off? Maybe go to the cinema on your own or go and stay at a b and b for the night so you get a decent night's kip.

Very un MNly ((hugs)) in the meantime.

Hi there

No-one can blame you for feeling how you are.

A child with s.n puts a mega strain on the family and thats when you start griping with dh.

break it all down into bits you can cope with.

your puppy wont be a puppy for long you are training him to become a dog.

Your dcmay well have sn that makes life difficult for you all concentrate on small steps the screaming and shouting he does he cant help it he must be confused and scared too,soon when you get your diagnosis hopefully there will be support for you too and together you will work out the future,this too is only for a short time.

Maybe you need a few days off work to get yourself back upti par.

thinking of you and hoping you feel better x

HIDTL - Have you seen this thread? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/748648-How-do-you-look-after-your-own-mental-health

I think you sound emotionally exhausted, tbh. I understand the 'screech effect'. It just wears.

I can't help much, but one thing you need to do is try & stop blaming yourself for your DS's behaviour.

HIDTL, I have read your posts on the SN section previously. Never had anything useful to say so haven't posted.
My DS has a different DX to yours, but I understand what you feel. He is extremely dependant on me and it is exhausting. However it doesn't come close to what you are coping with.

Is your DS going to a nursery? Mine goes for a few hours a day and it has been a lifeline.

Also, have you heard of ABA? (google it). It is not everyone's cup of tea, but I think that for difficult behaviour, the best money you'll ever spend is on a behaviour therapist to help. If you want I can email you the name and email address of a very good one. I have CAT so send me a message if you wish.

And about your DH, a child's difficult behaviour puts huge strain on a couple. You are both tired.

I don't know if it helps, but could it be useful to think of this as a phase - for both puppy & ds - and it will pass. It's the mantra in my head with dd2 who is almost 3 who also is going through a totally frustrating stage. Is he your first?Difficult to know, I imagine, what is just typical for his age and what is the sn? Also bear in mind with your ds coming up to three, he'll be entitled to free nursery sessions in September, so you'll be able to have more me time - do you think you'll take them up?

Just one other idea, have you looked at Magic 1, 2, 3 for discipline which works for ds? Basically it is calm, non-confrontational counting with a significant pause for the child to reflect and stop whatever misbehaviour they're involved in. When/if you get to 3 the consequence takes place, e.g quiet time in his bedroom. It works if you have too many parenting styles in place, have lost control completely or in the case of my ds he gets so enraged that he can't hear to be reasoned with. It's simple and doesn't take up much emotional energy. But we try to balance it too, as you sound like you do, with empathy, acknowledging his feelings and plenty of cuddles too.

sorry for the strange use of ? in that post

dittany: If you don't have a child with SN it is difficult to understand.
I have a 2 year old (with no developmental problems), and he can be stubborn, but my 4 year old with SN is on a different league. There is just no comparison.

dittany I understand what you mean but DS is usually off the charts. Even asking him to come to you so you can give him a treat he has been wanting can be a problem as he doesnt listen he just yells and gets angry based on what he is anticipating you saying. There are days and days and days where I can do no right. Where he asks for a banana and I get him a banana and he starts screeching to take it away. Or he walks down the hallway to get the potty and I happen to be passing and say "well done honey" and he starts running away screaming and crying saying "dont chase me" I hope I dont have to explain that he has not only never been chased but never been mistreated in the slightest. He is the love of my life but he is many times totally different from "normal"

For some reason the last few days as well he has stopped being potty trained about 50% of the time - he has been dry for around 6 months. Now he is doing poos and wees while standing up playing with us without stopping to notice. It is just one thing after another.

Sorry to not reply properly right now - I just got home with the shopping and forgot the milk wouldnt you know so DH has to go out to the shops again so I have to go back on puppy/child duty. Will be back in a bit. Thanks for talking to me.

Hi HIDTL

Normally post on sn, ds2 with dx of asd. It's bloody hard work most (I mean all) of the time. It sounds like you are incredibly stressed out at the mo'. Can anyone look after DS for a short while so that you can have a bit of time to yourself - DH? getting a bit of space to re-charge your batteries would help.

Counselling maybe? One hour a week all to yourself. I have found it very beneficial (couldn't have managed without it!).

I dunno, sometimes it just gets a bit mad and overwhelming.

It sounds like you are emotionally and mentally exhausted and no doubt physically exhausted too. You need to try and get some childcare/puppyminder and have a break. You need to see having a break as a nessecity on a regular basis; it's not a luxury or an optional extra. You are probably tense and stressed inside and however much you try and hide it and control it your DS will pick up on it and reflect it back to you. I know because my DC's do exactly this. If I am tired/tense/stressed, even if i think I am acting normal with them, they sense how I'm feeling and start acting up.

Please arrange to get away, even if just for 1 night and 1 day. Book yourself into your nearest B&B for one night.

Hi again, back for a minute!

DS goes to nursery 1 morning a week, at the moment that is the only session available for him but he is top of the list for more so we are just waiting. Needless to say I am eager for him to have more sessions!

I dont drive which makes things so difficult wrt me getting out and going places on my own and also taking DS to interesting places to entertain him. We only live in a small village.

Heated thank you I am going to google Magic 123, and TinySocks I have not heard of ABA but will google that too, thank you both.

lou thanks for that thread I will read that tonight.

I am really exhausted. I used to feel I had a lot of patience and now I just have so little. I try hard to take things in my stride but I just am not right now.

Funnily enough DS has been a gem this afternoon since I posted the OP. I am going to relax tonight and hopefully tomorrow will feel better. DS does sleep through the night, so I do too, which is great.

I just feel so low. I feel like a battery with always just enough charge to get the task at hand done then it dies & you can only charge it up again for a couple of minutes.

I am embarrassed because DS is so shouty and we have to constantly battle with him and I know the neighbours think we are a crap family but we bloody arent we are just dealing with a very very intense child.

Sorry have to go be back later.