Does anyone else have very little family and friends support network or is it just me??

[sheepgomeep]

Hi

Ive suffered with depression on and off for years but the last 2 years have been the worst Ive ever felt in my life so far I think

There is just me, dp, my 3 kids, and his dd's at weekends.
My mum is all that we have and she comes with her own issues.

I have no brothers and sisters (only 2 distant half brothers who I have no contact with), no aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts, grandparents, or anything like that.

Only 1 or 2 close ish friends who again live distantly or have thier own lives and probs, and I can't relate to them at all anymore

Dp is the same too, he has 1 brother who is in prison who he hates (threatened to kill dp baby daughter at her christening) and a psychotic uncle (really crap criminal family dp comes from)

We both have no close friends,his only closr friend has cut him dead because 'dp not good enough for him' complicated as he was his ex's brother.

I have no idea where I'm going with this at all except I feel so awful at the moment, increasingly feel that our family are on our own, I'm struggling with ds who is 9' He has adhd with asperger leanings and trying to get the asperger diagnosis is hell, dd1 a complete little madam and dd2 is just awful.

I can't be bothered with anything, whats the point, one day i am going to walk my kids will be better off. I am moody irritable and I can't organise my life, the school are concerned about us cos I forget things like trip money pe kits, appointments and homework on a constant daily basis.

Iam a total fucking failure.

Sorry to hear you're so upset with everything at the moment. First, BIG HUG.

I've been at the stage of not remembering things for school for about 5 years but only recently I've been getting better.

Please don't be hard on yourself. Try and celebrate small successes, like if you do remember trip money, pat yourself on the back!

Try making one small improvement at a time. Sometimes making a list of things (not too many, you don't want to be overwhelmed) and then putting a big tick against it when it's done can help.

Then you can see the progress easily. You definitely need a support network, again, start small.

Start by getting to the school earlier and engage with someone, even if just to say hello to start with.

Try and set a bit of time where you look forward to something. Same for your dc. See if you can do something with them that you can all enjoy.

Being open about how you feel is a positive first step. Chatting with your dr is what most will probably recommend.

You do sound v. low, remember it is just a stage, it's not forever, and things will improve but you do need outside support.

Good luck and you're far from alone.

thank you!
your idea of a list is a good one and starting small and working up. Its just doing it that is the hard part.

I think one of the difficulties i have and have always had since I was a child is i have no organisational skills whatsoever and poor concentration levels too, much like ds strangely enough.

even getting together uniform for school is quite often beyond me cos I just forget. Hence a mad frantic scrabble for clothes in the morning how awful do I sound.

The onlt thing I seem to be able to do ok is get myself ready for my pt job in the evenings and get myself there on time.

Maybe I should go to the dr.
I'm going to do what you suggest with the list and try and get the uniform ready well beforehand, i can then get to school on time

I also used to have a mad panic for school which used to add terribly to the stress.

Now dc and I go through a check list after school/the night before and they are allowed to go on the computer/watch tv once we've gone through it, as a reward.

1. Check bags for notes from school
2. Empty sandwich boxes
3. Make sandwiches, put in fridge
4. Get uniform/pe kit/bookbag ready
5. Bath/shower
6. Dirty clothes in laundry basket
7. Fresh clothes ready
8. Homework done?

Sunday am is 'tidy up time' we pick everything off bedroom floors and vacuum rooms then we do something special as a family as incentive/reward.

Dc given little task of their own choosing before school, eg putting breakfast things away.

Star chart and lots of praise for being helpful including special treats when you've earned 50 stars(sweets or special outing for dc, special treat for mum!)

Congratulations on holding down a pt job too, that can't be easy.

Finding funny threads on MN or joke sites etc are good too.

I felt lonely while my child was growing up but when i look back I think Ishould have joined more things .If i had had more money perhaps i would have got a train to visit friends or family more.
In the last few years ive joined the local lib dems and a church and gone to see family more I think you have to try couses voluntary work anything if you dont go out you dont meet people

Its very hard to walk into somewhere for the first time to make friends, but oh so worth it! It can take time but you will find someone to be friends with.

Look around your local area, there will be lots of groups going on - in your local church or library or community centre, lots which don't cost money or very little anyway. And if you have the time, volunteer for something, there are loads of charities out there who would welcome even an hour or two of your time,and it gives you a common interest with the people around you.

you arent alone. sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate at the moment. Could you ask your gp for any support groups for parents with children with aspergers?

good luck and thinking of you.