Here comes the depression......I can't stop it.

[Confuzzeled]

I have been on here moaning about all kinds of crap for weeks and I can now safely say I think I'm getting depressed again.

I'm now 24 weeks pregnant and really don't want to go back on AD's.

I try and meet up with people and I've told them I'm struggling but everyone is too busy. My family all live miles away and rarely visit. I saw my Mum today for an hour as she's off on holiday and flying out from my city in the morning. Her dh doesn't spend much time with anyone so he was itching to go to the hotel. I had to meet them in town because they wanted to go out for lunch and instead of saying I'm struggling with the bus and 2yo dd I said okay because I'm so bloody desperate for company.

It's so shit that when you feel good and your really positive then you get invited to things and people want to hang out with you. But when you really need people they tend to dump you, probably because your crap company when your depressed.

Confuzzled I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling. I don't have much advice to offer as I'm in practically the same boat (23+2 weeks here) but just wanted to bump your post and send you some support.

Thanks Gentle, was beginning to think nobody would answer

Is there anything I can do to help you?

for you Confuzzled.

I had appalling depression in my last pregnancy but didn't really realise it until I was given AD's for postnatal depression and started to recover.
It's awful isn't it...I describe it as the 'fog descending'.
Is there anyone at all you can talk to? I know you have said that everyone is too busy but I think when you're depressed you get into a certain frame of mind and think that no one cares, understands etc.....i think it's part of the whole depression thing.
Could you talk to your GP?

hey confuzzeled.. i tried to answer you earlier although i'm not much help, just didn't want you to feel alone...

i'm sorry i didn't, got so tangled up with my own thoughts i couldn't type! am prob not much use to you...

i really do hope you feel better soon. being pg can be really hard and its harder cos you feel like everyone is expecting you to be so bloody joyous and 'blooming'.. bollocks i say.

however i ould give an awful lot to be pg and miserable right now rather than just plain miserable... but that's another story.

take care xx

FBG, thank you, you've helped by just offering to help. I know it sounds silly as this isn't the real world but knowing I'm not alone helps. Or you could go round my crappy friends houses and leave something nasty on their doorsteps

Kidcre- It is like a fog descending and I can only now see it because I got so bad last time. Like you I didn't realise how bad it was until it started to get better. I'm so much more aware of it now and can spot the signs. At first I thought I was just tired and hormonal because I'm pregnant but I've been getting some crazy thoughts that I'm getting really obsessed with. I had cbt last time so I've got my old notes out and I'm trying to deal with it.

Dh is a star. He can be a grumpy git sometimes and he's in councelling too for his own issues, but he works really long hours and when he gets home he likes to spend time with dd or just switch off and have some quiet time.

My Mum is pretty good and phones me regularly but I don't see any of my family much. My sister who has mental health issues has been surprisingly really good and has texted and called me lots to make sure I'm okay. So I'm not on my own and I have people to talk to, I am better off than some people and I am grateful.

My big problem is my friends, people who I've supported so often in the past have no time for me. I moved house across the city and my post natal group mummy's won't travel to see me. I have to go to them and they don't understand why it should be any different when I'm pregnant, have a toddler and ended up at triage after getting shoved on the bus a few weeks ago.

I can easily go a week without seeing anyone other than dh and dd. I work 2 days a week and those 2 days are when my local toddler groups are on. I can't change my work days because my nursery has a super long waiting list and it was hard enough getting dd a place.

I have spoken to my midwife about depression creeping back, she asks whenever I go for a check up so I'll mention it when I'm back in a few weeks. I do really like my midwife so I'm happy to talk to her about it.

I know what you mean about getting into a frame of mind that nobody cares but I know that MN is proof that people do care and there are loads of others out there in the same situation. We just need a teleporter so we can all get together and prop each other up

where are you confuzzeled? if it's bristol way then i would make the effort xx

Nolonger - Thanks for your post, sorry I took so long answering the last posts I didn't see your otherwise I would've answered above.

Your so right about the blooming bit, people tell me I look great etc... but that means nothing if thats all they've got to say.

I know I'm so lucky to be pregnant and I'm so thankful for it. I do moan about the discomforts of pregnancy like most people but I love it really, we all do.

I'm sorry you sound so sad too, I just looked at the thread you started and I'm so sorry, it's just so not fair sometimes. I've had 2 mc's, the second really messed me up but my dd is just so lovely and her hugs at bedtime every night really pulled me through. Your wonderful ds will help you too I'm sure. Plus there's always MN and the AIBU section if you need to vent on some poor numpty who has posted something stupid (probably me)

I wish I was in Bristol I have an amazing friend there. I'm in Scotland.

oh god honey no i really didn't mean that! i honestly hate being pg, it is not fun. but yeah, it's how we get the lovely dc's isn't it...

i feel like an arse, i really didn't mean to sound like you should be counting your bloody blessings or something... as that goes i should not be miserable as i am lucky to have my beautiful ds...

sorry xx

No don't say sorry, I never took it like that. But when I'm in this frame of mind I do tend to count my blessings and one of those is the fact that I do seem to be able to fall pregnant quickly. I would much rather be the size of a frigging bus with separating pelvis than not be, even though that sounds a bit mental.

No I think my hormones change when I'm pregnant and bf'ing as my pnd lifted last time when dd stopped feeding from me.

I think if I was normal I wouldn't be dwelling on shitty thoughts as much and I'm angry with my friends for being so distant. Actually getting angry is one of my depression problems, the not being able to release makes it worse. I really feel like sending abusive emails or putting my fb status to Confuzzeled - thinks she needs some new friends because the ones she has are crap crap and more crap. But I'm not doing that because that would be a tad insane and I don't think my friends are being nasty on purpose, I just think they don't think there's a problem with the way they're acting.

I wish I could have a gin, I'm ranting again.

aw sweetie. i am having a (very) large glass of wine on your behalf.

and i do know how it feels when you really need to rely on people and they are just not there.

please take care of yourself, and don't think you are anything other than 'normal', regardless of the depression

x

Mmmmmmm wine, you deserve it, cheers doll.

PS. Whats 'normal'?

dunno, never met one

can't believe you actually made me smile - ta!

Morning, hope that wine last night not made you too fuzzy today.

Morning...well am feeling fairly shitty,am not sure that wine is actually helping in the long run!all I really want to do is sleep,stayed up with dp last night cos didn't really want to go to bed on my own (pathetic emoticon)

How are u feeling this morning?

X

Thats not pathetic at all, lying in bed awake on your own can be extremely lonely.

I'm grumpy this morning, I rolled over when dh came to bed and a muscle in my side crunched, very sore. Dd up 3 times during the night, she has a new molar coming through and a cough. She is also on destructive mode with toys and keeps pulling her clothes off. I just let her pull her pj's off this morning and she pee'd all over the floor.

I'm taking her swimming to get rid of some energy and hopefully she'll sleep better tonight. I just tried on my cozzy and look bloody ridiculus as it's not a maternity one, I just go neck, boobs, bump, plus I've not looked at a razor for weeks, ah well, going continental

I'm trying so hard to just get on with things and not loose my temper. I just need to keep busy and the swimming pool is quite near. I wonder if they do toddler swimming classes or groups, I think I need to meet some new people who live nearer to me. Actually the thought of nicey nicey chit chat with new people is quite wearing but it could be worth it in the end.

How are your friends being with you? Have you told them?

Hey ds has a molar coming thru too!and I also have the world's stubbliest legs...

Was at work today,sent myself home tho as feeling utterly crappy.have docsappt tomorrow they think I may have picked up a virus from being run down after op.yay.

Support-wise dp is great,and my best mate is also my childminder and has been amazing.have lovely parents but wish they were nearer.other friends know but no one ever knows what to do or say and I'm not good at being 'down' in front of people so I mostly want to hide...

Hope swimming went ok.you're doing right thing by pushing yourself to get out there even when it's tough.

Sending hugs to ya xx

Oh no, when it rains it pours, don't let yourself get too run down and try and have some you time.

I'm glad you've got some support there, then if you are down then they can just be around for you.

Swimming was great, but dd's cough is now worse and I wonder if she got a bit chilly at the pool, whoops.

How's your ds's molar? Does it wake him up at night? My dd gets so upset at teething, she has a low pain threshold like me

i took antidepressants right thru my pg. I don't think i could have got thru it otherwise.

yep it wakes him up!last night was 11ish,1,4,5,then up for the day at 7...grrreat.

How was your dd last night?teeth take so bloody long to come thru don't they??

I still feel rubbish.not sure the doc will be able to do much tho.I really hope things get a bit easier soon...for you too!

X

I thought I replied to this yesterday, I must have forgotten to post.

My dd has been awake again loads over night, feel exhausted today. I'm not sure it was her teeth last night but just habit now to wake up.

Are you feeling any better today?

A friend of mine came to visit yesterday, it was so nice and I feel so much happier after having a real person to speak to

Hey am glad u had a good time with your friend yesterday.it's much easier when u don't feel alone with it all isn't it?

I was incredibly low last night but dp was great so that helped.was good to talk to him.

Ds slept better but I was really shitty with himfor starting day so early when I feel ill and tired.luckily dp took over so I had a chance to find my 'nice mummy' hat...

Hope you have a nice day today xx