I am officially depressed at the moment. Not too seriously I am sure or too permanently but I am depressed. I am just so tired of marching to everyone else's tune and working endlessly. I feel so sad.
I could really do with some help right now, in a practical sense, I wish I had a Mum around to come and help out with the housework a bit and life in general. I just got my new dog and he is a huge blessing, I love him to bits and he is everything you could want from a puppy, but its such a lot of work. He isnt potty trained etc so I am doing all of that which is a lot more work than I expected it would be. DH is working all day then comes home around 6 and what we are doing right now is just working alongside each other to get basic survival accomplished so I miss him a lot.
DS's problems which are being looked into for SN are continuing and just making me so tired. I just cant get him to react in any normal way to things. He is attention seeking and OTT. Example today I had to run in the house while we were all out in the garden for something and the whole 2 mins I was gone I could hear him shrieking, I knew it wasnt serious. I went back and it was because the fucking hose was resting on top of his shoe and he was saying he was stuck. He is almost 3 and he wouldnt even bend down to pick the hose up off his shoe. I refused to do it but had to encourage and coax him through it. Then it happened again and I had to start all over. Then he took something out of DH's greenhouse he shouldnt have so I asked him to put it back, he said no and walked off. I said he had to come back and do it he then started in again about how he couldnt lift it, or push it in his wheelbarrow or anything. I made him do it by saying do it or go in time out.
My neighbours had a go at me because they apparently heard my new dog's tail thumping on the radiator - twice. He wasnt barking, no, nor howling, no they think they heard his tail thumping. We live in a semi bungalow. Then they started in because they found cat shit in their garden and think its from my cats. Well yes it could be, but it could also not be. Every house on our road has cats and mine only go out about 3 hours a day so mainly use a litter tray. I said I was very sorry I was still training the puppy as I only had him 4 days and would they like me to come round and collect the cat poo. She said no and then started back on about the tail thumping. I did clarify she reckons she heard it twice. I think this is madness.
My dog is pooing on the floor 50% of the time and outside 50% so we are getting there but all I am doing is getting shouted at by DS, cleaning up poo and other than that I am just lonely and crying.
I just dont understand I know this doesnt all sound terrible but I just cant stop crying. I think there are more things that are upsetting me but tbh they are all little things like the things I mentioned. Its nothing big. I know things arent that bad and reading this it sounds like I have a whiny toddler a working husband and a pooing dog but it just feels like such sadness. DS is relentless with his demands and the ridiculous nature of them just does my head in sometimes. I do all the right things, I make a laugh out of it, I joke around, I remain firm and encourage him to do things on his own, I play with him.
I think I have written this very badly and I dont think I have managed to actually convey what is wrong with me but its all I can think of to say while DS drones on and on in my ear. This morning I was trying to dress him so we could go out in the garden and play, I was trying to have fun and he was going limp and then holding himself down, not in a tantrum way, he just refuses to be helpful. I am just so tired. I just wanted to get him dressed so we could go out and kick a ball around and he wouldnt lift his leg up.
I havent explained it well. I'm sorry I am just very tired.