Oh Flowertop, you do sound down. And I have soooo been where you are too. It is really upsetting when your children don't make friends easily, isn't it? But things can get better.
I have discovered that it is sooooo much harder for children to make friends when you don't have a network of friends around you. I moved to a new town to have children and then found that the other mums often already had close friendships, and that their kids played together easily. We had to keep on working at it, and develop a bit of a thick skin. We still do, though it's getting easier.
I have split up your post into paragraphs. At the moment all of your feelings and problems are coming out as one great big vent - which is just how you are feeling. However, it might be easier to approach the problem bit by bit . . .
'I seem to worry about by two DS's so much and it is really getting me down.' Yup it will do, as you are a loving mum and it does hurt when things don't go well for them. Do consider talking to your GP, however, if you can't get ontop of the 'down-ness', and it starts to dominate everything for you.
'They don't have many friends at school, one finds learning difficult which is being addressed and the other just lacks confidence. They are rarely invited to parties or back to friends.' Mine were just the same, but it has improved for ds1 who is now 9. We found that joining a karate class, which ran twice a week, really helped. It gave him regular contact with other children, lots of fun and a confidence building activity too. Our local teachers are great, and several other Mnetters have recommended karate in their areas too. Or maybe there is another activity to which your dcs can go, and enjoy.
'DS2 is currently having a problem at school where all the boys were invited to a party and not him, he actually hangs out with the child whose party it is. This has really got to me and I have been really tearful and full of anger about the injustice of it all.' It is cruel isn't it? Can you plan something special for the three of you, on the day of the party - a soft play centre or outing somewhere really nice? Give him something positive to talk about when he goes back to school the next day, and give him a real treat too. He deserves it.
'I feel that all the mums at school dislike my family and I try so hard to be sociable and friendly. ' Oh, I could have so written that. Now, I can see that the trying could be offputting. I found it easier in the end to relax, take a book or magazine along to the playground at dreaded pickup time, to avoid standing around looking like a lemon, and wait for someone to come along, with whom I genuinely get on. Can you look for a structured activity you could join to meet people - an evening class or book group - rather than hoping that it will happen at the dreaded school gate?
'It is the way that things get to me that is worrying me. This morning I wished that I had never had children and feel totally exposed to people's opinions about us. I think I may not be well as the feelings seem to be a bit out of control.' You are a person who feels things strongly, and who cares lots - and like all of us, you need to get this out into words. Posting on MN can really help. Keep on posting until you are happier. But if you really can't shake it off after a while, do see your GP and discuss coping strategies for anxiety. You do deserve to be happy.
'I think about why DS2 did not get an invite when everyone else did and the thoughts go on and on and I end up getting really upset.' It is really upsetting, but try to plan something positive together that your ds will look back on and smile.
'What is the matter with me? I just feel so down and disliked. I have no connection with friends. I look at other people and their relationships seem so close and connected. I find it difficult to reach out to friends for fear of rejection. I know that the only reason I have friends is that they have done most of the asking and arranging.' Keep on arranging, if you can. The older you get, the longer it takes to build up friendships. Keep busy, and see if you can use some of your spare time to volunteer and help people in some way. You can meet people that way, without having to try to, if you see what I mean.
'I could never discuss any of this in RL and appear to be happy in company. Just needed to vent and see if reading this can help me put things in perspective. ' That's what MN is for!
HTH a little. Keep on posting