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I feel so low

23 replies

chuckieegg2008 · 24/04/2009 19:24

I dont know whats wrong with me at the moment my mood just keeps changing one day i can feel great and the next everything just seems to be getting on top of me.

Everything was ok four months ago then i had a job promotion and since then its all gone wrong. I use to really enjoy myjob and have a laugh but now ive been promoted its all changed.

I was really friendly with someone in and out of work and since ive become her boss her attitude towards me has changed she put in a complaint about me saying that i have it in for her and she been really difficult towards me. She doesnt speak to me outside of work and struggles to speak to me in work. Its really knocked my confidence i dont have many friends and i find it difficult to trust people and i though we were good friends but now i know we were not.

Another thing thats upsetting me is my relationship with my dad, i think the extra stress of my job has bought all these bad memories back. I havent had a good relationship with my dad for the past 10 years a few phonecalls every so often (xmas/birthday) but now thats stopped its like its over now hes no longer part of my life and it hurts so much.

I feel so useless at the moment and i dont feel like a very nice person. I hate my job im not right for the role how can i lead a team when i feel so negative about myself.

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 24/04/2009 19:40

First of all, I would call your 'friend' at work into your office and give her (her final notice) a good talking too. Ask her why she feels so unconfortable around you and why she has turned against you. Make sure there is another person in the room listening to it/or tape it if you can (just in case she turns into a nasty bitch again).

Is your dad still alive? What was it that makes you not speak anymore? I have the same relationship with my father. I havent spoken to him in over a year. He never attended dd's christening and he also never said happy b'day to me or her. To be honest I dont care, its his loss (he was always a moaner anyway) but it does upset me to know that he left his family for a fucking gimp of a woman whos so controlling and butt ugly!

I think you need to get to the bottom of the reasons why you feel the way you do about your dad.
As far as the job goes...keep your head up. YOU are the MANAGER, not her so if she dont like it she can leave. (or you can fire her) I would!

What family do you have around you?

chuckieegg2008 · 24/04/2009 19:51

Yeah my dad is still alive ive not spoken to him properley in 10 years when my parents split. He walked out of my life and stopped contact with me. What hurts the most is he keeps in contact with my brother. It knocks my confidence so much i feel like im a disappointment to my dad

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 24/04/2009 20:07

Same here!!!!!!1 my lil bro still goes to see him, gets to go out for meals and he even takes time to visit my older sister and txt my lil sis, but naff all with me. He used to be (when i met my DP) really great and we had a laugh (though for the past 3 prev yrs it was a shit relationship). But since my mum n dad split too, he just cant be bothered.

Dissapointed, let down, want more love, want to have father daughter relationship, feel like he dont care, feel like you dont exist to him... its not you.. its him. He may also have shadows in the closet that make him feel the way he does towrds you. Did he do anything bad that upset you wen you was younger?

chuckieegg2008 · 24/04/2009 20:11

He was always a great dad when i was younger i wish i could say he wasnt because then it would be easier.

It hurts so much i cant cope with the stress of this and my job. Im so annoyed because i have not felt like this before and its taken 10 years for it to sink in. Why do i have to feel like this now i should be happy that im doing well in my job not feeling like this

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 24/04/2009 20:21

Your feeling like this now because of your job stress. It needs to be sorted asap. what would make you feel batter about going to work? what would you like work to be like?

Chellesgirl · 24/04/2009 20:27

Women's Stress
1.
2.
3.
4.

Stress is caused by the mental and physical response you have to overwhelming demands. Demands can be both positive, such as a qualifying for the Olympics, or negative, such as an injury. The response can be positive and productive, such as eating healthier, or negative and destructive, such as not sleeping. There can often be a fine line between the productive and destructive effects of stress. This line is different for everyone, just as stress and the effects of stress are different for everyone. The mind interprets events to define them as stressful, and each woman is unique in her experiences and interpretations.
Productive Stress
In a positive sense, stress can make you alert, motivated, and productive. To this end, stress can be beneficial. It inspires you to meet the challenge of the task at hand. You push yourself and learn how to best handle the situation so it will be less stressful in the future. Some women "thrive" on stress, appreciating the motivation it provides.

Stress is common to women. Because women are capable of doing many things at once, they are more susceptible to the stresses of all the activities they take on. Women are social organizers, mediators, planners, mothers, wives, spouses, girlfriends, daughters, friends, athletes, teammates, managers, employees, cleaning ladies, cooks, partners, athletes, and therapists. Positive stress can lead to a full, very active life that keeps you young in spirit and in health. Athletic girls in organized sports have a full schedule as they go from school to athletic activity, and learn to balance school, fitness, friendships, and family. These girls grow into women who regularly exercise and who have the ability to manage their busy lives with multiple responsibilities, squeezing the most out of every day.

Some people need both physical and mental stress to be productive; some athletes need stress to stay at the top of their game. Their rewards are good health, personal satisfaction, and positive acknowledgment or compensation. Some athletes compete at high levels with the reward of enjoyment. Regardless, the stress must be worth it, otherwise the athlete will lose her edge, competitiveness, and desire.

Commonly Identified Positive Causes of Stress

Being involved in multiple activities
Qualifying for elite competition

New relationship/marriage/living arrangement
Moving or going away to college
Joining a new team
A new contract or scholarship

Hormone fluctuations

Negative Stress
At high levels or for long periods of time, stress can be dangerous. Not only can it cause crying, anger, or inability to get work done, it can also cause physical illness or problems. Sometimes it can lead to negative coping behaviors, which lead to even more problems and a vicious cycle of never-ending stress. These negative coping behaviors include eating too little or too much, eating unhealthy foods, sleeping too much or too little, skipping work or practice, smoking, drinking, taking drugs, or taking too many prescribed medications. Even if you are not conscientiously engaging in negative coping behaviors, your body might be doing it for you. Signs of this are frequent colds, cold sores, canker sores, appetite and weight changes, heart disease, heart attacks, and even cancer. Too much stress can also lead to injuries or accidents, as it can cause you to be distracted from the task at hand.

Commonly Identified Negative Causes of Stress

Death of a loved one or friend

A move, change of schools, or change of jobs
Money problems
Loss of position, standing, or ranking
Physical, sexual, or verbal abuse
Overwhelming pressure from coaches, peers, employers, or family
An accident or injury

Chellesgirl · 24/04/2009 20:29

the ones with the are what I think is causing your stress. They were meant to be in ^ so italic hehe

chuckieegg2008 · 24/04/2009 20:45

I want to feel good at my job again like i did before i had the promotion, i enjoyed it and thought i was good at what i did.

Now i have no confidence feel useless at my job i hate feeling its not like me i try and keep positive about things

I understand that members of my team are under stress and their great because they can talk about whats bothering them at work. Im not good at talking about things and no matter how i feel when someone asks me how i am i always say ok even if im not.

i just wish that people would understand just because i dont talk about my feelings and choose to bottle stuff up i am human and i do get upset like everyone else.

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 24/04/2009 21:07

omg i think were so alike. Why dont you do an extra simple week long course something for confidence boosting and team leading etc... When you accepted the promo, how did you feel straight away?

Chellesgirl · 24/04/2009 21:08

i think you may be starting to get depressed? Its horrible to think you might be, but i know how you feel.

chuckieegg2008 · 24/04/2009 21:18

its good to talk to someone in a similar situation

When i took the job i felt fine really confident about it but then about 6 weeks into it i started doubting myself. I told my manager i didnt want to do it anymore but she talked me round to keep trying at it.

OP posts:
AutumnMists · 24/04/2009 21:29

Your manager knows what you are capable of so beleive her and keep trying. CAn you talk to her abut the problem with your friend? She may have some good advice / tips on how to deal with it.

Do not be afraid to ask for help - you are new in role and stilllearning. Are there any courses you can read up on / go on to help in managing people if you have not done that before?

Take heart, you are good at your new job or you wouldn't have been given it in these difficult times

Chellesgirl · 24/04/2009 21:42

Yes its true what Autumn says. You are capable of being amazing at your job. You wouldnt have been given it otherwise, over all the other people you work with. You must have something special. I think youve just lost sight of that while thinking about your dad. Your colleague is just jealous of you. She obviously likes to be dominative. Which all the other members of your team will learn about in due time.

I think you need to talk really deeply about your feelings with your dad, i dont mind being an ear What about your mum? Wheres she? have you bought this up with her?

chuckieegg2008 · 25/04/2009 19:52

Thanks

My mum lives close by but i never really speak to her about shes been through alot so dont really want to drag memories of my dad up

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Chellesgirl · 25/04/2009 21:34

I see. Are you thinking yourself and your problems to be a burden to others? My mum went through abuse as a child (he dad) and also like your mum has had quite a few bad memories with her past and with my dad. He was just an arse! But I always talk to her about him. She can give me advice on the kind of person he really is etc... I know you think you may be upsetting her more, but she may also be grateful as she may not have spoke about it to anyone else either.

If you cant speak to her, go to your GP and be brave. tell them how you feel as stress can be very damaging to your body and its best to get it sorted. They may refer you to a cognitive therapist like they did my friend.

chuckieegg2008 · 26/04/2009 14:47

Yeah i do think that my problems will be a burden to others and i also think that there not really major problems. when something im having a bad day theres always someone having a worse one than me. Theres people who are worse off than me my problems are nothing compared to theirs.

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 26/04/2009 17:42

well you need to sop thinking like that. I am christian and no matter how bad someone elses problems are to mine , i still needed help from someone. No matter how big or small you think your problem may be, you are not burdening anyone with it! I pray (might sound soppy to some people) but it helps. I am blessed with my baby girl, my house and my family and i am very thankful for the lords presence in my life. But it does not take away the fact I am suffering. Your body and your mind are suffering too and you need to ask someone for help.

chuckieegg2008 · 27/04/2009 20:01

I know i shouldnt think like that but i just can't help it im the sort of person who once i have a thought in my head i just cant change it no matter how hard i try. I also bottle all my problems up which i know is not good but i can't stop doing it ive always been that way.

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 27/04/2009 20:37

same here chuckie, but you need help with that. its not healthy for you. write your feeling down read it through, gather your emotions and tear it up to smithers then chuck it away!

chuckieegg2008 · 28/04/2009 19:26

thanks chellesgirl i think that it will help to write my problems down

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 01/05/2009 16:54

Hey, how r u feling today?

chuckieegg2008 · 01/05/2009 19:12

Hi chellesgirl i feel better thanks i spoke to my manager and told her im finding things hard at work and shes been great. Hopefully i'll start feeling better soon.

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 04/05/2009 16:33

Im glad to hear it! Best Wishes Chuckie

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