depressed? anxious? just normal? any advice?

[gingersarah]

40 + 3 days. Have to attend scary appointments for breast changes (which is a long story in itself). Have had numerous health problems throughout pg - minor ones, I thought, but now am suspecting sinister connections with the breast thing.

Am now realising that I feel completely horrible. So tired of all these health things and really can't get excited about anything. Have never felt so disconnected from spring coming, even that means absolutely nothing to me which
i can't understand. Can't read, can't think, can't write, can't really talk, can't be bothered to play music (haven't been able to walk for ages.) Can't stop crying. If labour ever comes I have no idea how I am going to find the energy for it. I know everyone gets exhausted at 40 weeks +, please tell me this is normal and I am not heading for PND. I have no idea what I am going to do about anything that might be seriously wrong with me if they find anything.

I have a lovely DP and he is being lovely to me. He says every day "what is wrong" and I try to convince him nothing because I don't know what to say. he is working hard and I am just a burden and he can't even come home to a smiling face, let alone dinner or anything nice I have done for him.

Is this normal? What can I do? Is this just what life is like now?

I don't really have any advice for you but didn't want your post to go unanswered.

I do remember feeling a bit down when DD was late showing up but not to the extent that you are describing.

You are not a burden on your DP, you are doing a wonderful thing for you and him by carrying and bringing your child in to this world. That in itself is a BIG thing and you should be proud of yourself. I bet you that your DP is proud of you also.

I am pg again and I don't think my DH has come home to a smiling face every single night, and certainly not dinner every night. I find being pg exhausting enough without having to do anything else on top.

I am so sorry you are having health problems/scares. Pregnancy is a stressful time anyway for you, physically and mentally, it can be even more daunting when you have health problems on top of it.
I really do know how you feel.

You try to put a brave face on for other people so that you don't worry them but you are worried and you need the support. If you can speak to your DP about how you are feeling it may help. If not continue to post as I am sure someone on here will have gone through what you are going through and have felt how you feel.

Sorry if I am not making much sense, just didn't want you to go unanswered.

thank you - I didn't expect anyone to reply at this time! Are you in the UK? are you ok?

I am looking at counselling sites now, they all seem very vague about how you actually get a counsellor that is any good. People on here are always suggesting counselling but at £50 a go I am not sure how you can just take a punt on one being good. I don't spend that on shoes and you can try them on for free!

Thanks for replying I really appreciate it.

Yep I am up, one of those pregnancy things lol. DD is now up as well, she has been a bit poorly for a couple of days so is not sleeping too well at the moment, bless her.

I am in the UK are you?

I saw a counselor for my anxiety and OCD issues and it was a very big help to me. I would recommend it if you can get it. If you are in the UK make an appointment with your GP and asked to be referred to a counselor. You will probably have a wait but it is certainly worth the wait. I found it so helpful, I have his number and can call him whenever I feel I need to chat and now I have seen him once I can make an appointment to see him whenever I need to.

Hi gingersarah

Yes you sound depressed with anxiety an added hassle you really don't need. The depression might well be reactive due to all the health stuff you are going through.
Not sure what the breast changes are but lots of breast changes happen during pregnancy and this may well be a variation of the normal stuff which is already going on.
Not sure if you are saying that you over worry about your health - if that IS what you are saying then you are in good company as there are several of us here who do the same. Is your GP understanding and supportive?

There is a website called Living Life to the Full which does a free online CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) course with all course materials downloadable free. (I am about to tackle the "Unhelpful Thoughts" module which is good for people like me who tend to catastrophise things). I believe there is also a site for people who suffer depression.

Another website which is good is called No More Panic (www.nomorepanic.co.uk).

And one thing about breast clinics - more than 9 times out of 10 they deal with lumps, bumps etc which turn out to be cysts or hormonal stuff.

Hi insertwittyname, yes I am in the uk - hope you don't get too tired today with the sick DD and being up so early.

Jollypirate - I don't think I have a normal tendency to over worry about health but I think my GP thinks I do. I have a referral now to a breast clinic (not through my GP but through the consultant on the antenatal clinic) which I wish I had had weeks ago when I first raised this with the GP - she was more concerned about "reassuring" me (v patronising, not listening, not understanding that I know breasts change but these changes are weird, etc) than checking out the symptoms. I think this may be because of the other things I had had (a skin infection, asthma, SPD, - always wanting a prescription for something).

Anyway I am still focusing on the hope that that this referral process will rule out anything nasty (rather than the opposite) but it in that case it is annoying that I am having to go through this so late. If the baby comes then the investigation will be stalled and I will still be worried. I am trying not to dwell on it but I am angry with the GP and I am wondering whether this general dysphoria about everything is connected with some bigger depressive issue or is just caused by having this worry and going to all these horrible clinics when I could be giving birth any second (and the physical difficulties of getting there when I am so big and tired with SPD).

Every day my mum calls me and I can't tell her what is happening because I don't want to worry her about it and if my dad gets involved it will be a nightmare because he has a medical background and he will start shouting and asking me questions I don't know the answer to about all the appointments and investigations.

I feel so sorry for my baby, I should never have done this.

gingersarah, you sound like such a lovely, caring person and I am so sorry you are going through this. How awful that you have had this on your plate, so to speak, throughout your pregnancy.

Speak to your mum, just ask her not to mention it to your dad. Your mum will want to support you, you need that support.

You need to get to the bottom of what is happening with you physically/medically, at any time that in itself is stressful, let alone when you are pregnant. No wonder you feel anxious and depressed.

I think you really should see your GP (obviously when you can and feel up to it) to ask for a referral to a counselor. If I were you i would maybe try ringing the surgery and speaking to your GP over the phone and see if there is anything that she can do that way (if so it means that you don't have to go all the way there).

Hi gingersarah,

Just popping over from the Ante Natal thread to say that it's totally understandable you feeling down and fed up and miserable at the moment - you've got loads on your plate with a baby coming and worries about your health.

DS1 went 17 days overdue and I remember getting really down about it, and just skulking at home unable to do anything much, and totally unable to enjoy the 'time off' people kept telling me I should make the most of. And although in theory I had all this time to do things like clean the house and cook dinner, I just didn't feel like doing anything. So I know how you feel, and I think to a certain extent this is a normal part of preparing for birth in that you need to withdraw from the world and feel like you're safe in your cave, if that makes sense?

The trouble is you're having to deal with health issues as well which means you don't feel safe in your cave and you're stressed and anxious, and that's going to make you very down. I would definitely second the advice to talk to someone - I felt like I couldn't share my feelings with anyone but once I had I did feel much better, it just helped put it all in perspective.

Sending you lots of hugs ()()()()()()()()()()

xxxxx

Sarah - you've had an extremely tough time and being overdue is just awful (speaking from very recent experience).

I don't really know what to say, but despite your DP working hard things are tougher for you at the moment. Whatever you do, don't start feeling guilty about not being all things to all people. At this point he needs to be supporting you - yes, relationships are in general about give and take but it is OK to just take for a short period of time when you need to.

Thank you everyone

Feeling better now back at home after the hospital. Still hoping to hear that everything is ok, hoping I can get the consultant to do it on the phone as I am so pg, if I just leave a decent interval for the results of the scan to get to him.

Thanks for all your support. It often seems easier not to talk to anyone but really that is usually not the right thing to do - I will take a deep breath and open up to someone...

thanks,

Just some thoughts and words of support.

It sounds a little bit to me like you are very tired and very ready for this baby to be born, so a bit of depression is fairly inevitable. I speak as one who attacked the baby crib on account of my SPD and the associated depression and frustration some months ago.

But far from PND looming, I suspect you may actually perk up a bit when you get positive health news from the hospital, and also when your baby arrives. There's a good chance, I reckon.

But it's clear to me there is something else underpinning this as well that might benefit from a talking cure perhaps, maybe even in conjunction with Prozac. By 6 weeks postpartum you will probably know whether this is the case.

Hope you feel better soon. xx