2 weeks on venlafaxine . . .

[jumble]

Been on this before 2 years ago for pnd. back on it cos it all fell apart again and it worked last time. main problem is i have told no-one and feel really paranoid that people know i am or am not different. egs: dh said last night when i laughed at a film, "i haven't heard you laugh like that for ages,it's really nice", next night said "you're acting really weird" touched a nerve as last time i was on AD's my mum said later, out of context, "you were really weird when you were on them". i was 'on them' for 10 months, over my wedding, so feel unwilling to disclose that I am 'on them' again. getting increasingly paranoid and not comfortable with hiding tablets. what should i do? am not going to admit to taking them as i feel it is a massive cop out, only went to doctors as i could blatantly see i was systematically destroying my family with depression. any views?

anyone?

Oh dear. You really shouldn't have to feel embarassed about taking ADs.

If you spent a lot of time being depressed, yes, you might seem different to people when you're actually starting to feel better.

You and your doctor can see that you need them to cope at the moment, there is no shame in that. Don't let your husband and family make you feel bad. If you had any other condition that required medication, no one would call it a 'cop out' (imagine a diabetic being told insulin is a cop out!). It shouldn't be any different with ADs.

I've suffered from recurrent major depression for 16 years, and spent most of that time on one AD or another. When I've come off them, I've managed to sabotage my own life regardless of how good my circumstances are. The ADs allow me to cope. I'm not happy all the time--I still have emotions, I still get angry and sad and all the rest. But I don't go into that spiral where I let everything go to shit.

I used to feel like I was weak or stupid, but I've gotten over it and decided that popping a pill every day is better than suffering and making everyone suffer along with me.

You have done the responsible, sensible thing and gotten help. If you act ashamed of that, you only reinforce the stigma. I would advise you to tell them about your ADs, and direct them to some good websites about understanding depression (sorry can't think of them off the top of my head!). It can be very hard for people without depression to really know what you are going through. It is not like the 'blues'.

Best of luck to you. . .

my view is that if you feel better, you're doing the right thing.

be upfront, make an announcement and tell them that random comments are not helping. explain you need their support and acceptance as much as the medication.

don't wander around reading things into what people say. it always makes it bigger and harder to handle. by dealing honestly with your family, you stand a better chance of beating your depression. point out that you are feeling vulnerable and worried. it's nothing to be ashamed of.

my DH is on the same med and has been for a long time. they'll get used to it.

YBCC thank you. feeling very alone and secretive. not nice. scared of 'outing' depression, it got critical before i went to the dr. obviously no-one else knows just what i was thinking. those feelings are suppressed, but i am still not how i'd like to be. want to be in control before anyone challenges me.

blinks, i do feel better, but i don't feel quite like me. not sure who i am anymore. hoping it'll get better with time. can't see a 'normal' future at the mo. feel very uncertain of everyone. just want to feel like i know who i am without the distrust in my own decisions. i function in a normal social circle, but it's a ghost version of me. that scares me.

Not quite sure what you mean, but thinking you probably got to a point of feeling suicidal?

If you feel like you need time to adjust to the medication, fair enough. . .but personally I think it's better to be upfront about it. If you frame it in a positive way, as in, I knew I needed to get help, and I've done it, that may make it go over better.

I used to take venlafaxine, but unfortunately it's not one you can take in pregnancy. I miss it. For me it was light a like switched on and I suddenly woke up from a year long bad dream.

xposted, I know those 'who am I?' feelings quite well!

Am I supposed to be that person without ADs? Do they change my personality? Which is the 'real' me?

Don't worry, you are still 'you' on medication. I personally feel like ADs make me the person I am supposed to be---me, without some of the negative, irrational crap that goes along with depression.

YBCC yep, that about sums it up. thanks. nice to get some reassurance. thank you.

it will take time so you need to come to terms with that.

your thoughts will eventually become more balanced and things will seem less scary.

are you getting any counselling/CBT? it complements the medication and can be a place to get your thoughts in order. GP can set it up easy-peasy.

try to fight the urge to repress your feelings. vocalising them and writing them down can be reassuring and cathartic. things stay still and unresolved when you sit on your feelings.

if you can also do something physical regularly, it can help you feel more in tune with yourself.

ta. going now as dh is home and i am running off to bed. night.

you're very welcome, jumble. It took me a while to get to this place!

ADs do help me think logically. I used to get these really paranoid thoughts where I thought people I didn't even know were laughing at/talking about me, and I'd nearly have myself convinced that my friends/family would be better off/happier if I was dead.

Now I can see clearly that is not the case! Frankly, the 'depressed me' is not a particularly nice person to be around. She's a bit self-absorbed and can only see the negative in everything. That's not who I am.

Blimey, I've been on venlafaxine for about two years now. They are the only thing that has ever worked and until I really feel i don't need them,I'll stay on them. Better to be taking something that keeps the illness at bay than be 'brave' and suffer.

here here coolma

My DH suffers from clinical depression and is always on ADs which allow him to live a totally normal life. I always try and think of it like having something like diabetes when you must take medication to make your body function normally. If you are on ADs then you need them to make your brain function normally. Same difference. People don't understand the condition unless they have experience of it. Only problem we find is like today when DH had forgotten to collect him prescription on Thursday so desp. needed to get an emergeny prescription today as he was starting to suffer withdrawal symptons and feeling very odd indeed.

I agree motherof. It is a 'normal' illness, and can be chronic, at times needing long term medication, and no-one should be 'ashamed' of that. I also get a bit 'wobbly' if i've missed a dose - am down to one every other day, but do feel I will go downhill if I try to stop.

Venlafaxine was a god send for me too and I miss it as I am pregnant.

If you want a good site where there are plenty of experienced people who suffer from or care for someone with depression to point your family to or even to post for yourself try www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk it is a nice site where everyone is very supportive no one on there is a professional and they all offer help, support and advice based on their own experiences.

One other thin I will say about venlafaxine is try to take it the same time each day and not to miss a dose because if you miss a dose it can put your recovery back by about a fortnight.