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please help. social services home visit

11 replies

janett · 09/04/2009 00:04

my wife is in hospital for mental health problem. I am scared they will take my children aged 2 and 4 away from me. can they do that?

OP posts:
Claire2009 · 09/04/2009 00:06

Are you on their birth certificate as their Father?
(Although I'm not sure if that makes a huge difference?)

I am not aware of it all but if you are and they are well cared for and not in any danger/neglect then no they wont.

Sorry i am of no help but best wishes.

StercusAccidit · 09/04/2009 00:07

What is the problem she has? Might it affect the kids?...When will she be returning from hospital?

These are the things the SS will be considering as well as if you will need support.

I don't think they will consider taking Lo's unless they would be in danger or at risk of abuse/neglect.

Its probably an assessment/support call.

Good luck x

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 09/04/2009 00:10

SS purpose is to help, not to punish. Without knowing more about the circumstances (such as: did your wife's mental health issues mean that she was neglecting or harming the children?) it's impossible to give you a straight answer - but the general purpose of social services is to help you manage to keep your family together if it's possible without harming the children.

janett · 09/04/2009 00:52

thank you all, the children were not thriving when she was here, due to her mental state, although she never harmed them. The youngest has gained weight and they now eat and sleep at the appropriate times, and are happy.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/04/2009 01:38

As long as the children are happy and healthy, SS have no interest in removing them. They'll just want to check everything's Ok and maybe see if they can offer you some kind of support.

ThePellyandMe · 09/04/2009 04:34

I imagine their main concern right at this minute is that there is someone there able to look after your children properly. It sounds like you are able to fill that role. But they may be able to offer you some support.

I'm a mental health nurse and almost always when we have mums admitted, the children are looked after by the patient's partner or other family members.

StercusAccidit · 09/04/2009 09:43

I hope they agree when she comes out that you can stay together as a family..you will need a lot of support yourself because you will then become a main carer for the DC's and your DW. Thats why i asked if you work.

It will be tremendous pressure, you will need all the support you can get. Please don't forget to ask for an adult social worker as well...they will support you, and are not IMO as 'frightening' or seemingly 'unsupportive' towards parents as CP social workers, whose job it is to see that the children are safe, so they won't engage with you much beyond that, which i believe is a failing of the social services.

Supporting the parent often has the added bonus that they are more able to care for their children. A fact that child protection often overlook or blatantly ignore In MY Personal Experience.

Hopefully you get good old fashioned SW's that know this and will go all out to help your family.

A word of warning.
You will be offered respite. Take it if you wish, for a weekend or such, but i personally would not. DO NOT accept any offers of placing the DC's into temporary accommodation, a 'back door way' of removing most kids into care. Once they are in, it might be hard to get them back out.
NEVER say you can't cope. Allow THEM to offer the support, don't specifically ask for it, make out you can cope without their intervention, and any support they offer you consider a bonus for the kids..

In other words..Don't appear unable to cope or needy.

The rest should be a breeze. I am not scaremongering. I have been through this personally...and learnt a hard lesson.
Good luck and well done for keeping your family together and going all out to care for your kids

janett · 09/04/2009 23:33

Thank you all once again for your words of support. It is a very scary time for all of us. I have given up work so i can give 110% to my children and also my wife when she comes home. I have a lot of support from family so respite will not be needed. I have no idea how long she will be in hospital, all they seem to be doing is trying different drugs. She seems completely detatched from reality. Just hope they sort her out so she can enjoy her baby and toddler.

OP posts:
janett · 09/04/2009 23:34

btw, not actually a baby at 2 or a toddler at 4 but they are to me.

OP posts:
notapparent · 09/04/2009 23:35

Very hard for you, I hope it goes well for you and you get the support you need. You sound like you're doing well and your kids are benefitting from being in your care now so best of luck and keep your head up.

JaquelinehydeAllTheEggs · 09/04/2009 23:48

Make sure that they are aware of the support network you have around you. This is a massive positive in the eyes of SS.

I can see no reason for you to be worried by this visit at all. Good Luck, let us know how you and your wife get on.

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