Have just found out I may have been abused as a very young child

[ilovecremeeggs]

Just that really.Have namechanged but am a reasonably regular poster.

Memories of feelings rather than images started coming back to me a month or so ago. Would have been age 2 or 3 and the person involved my Dad (who I haven't seen for over 25 years). The problem is I can't really remember - just have flashbacks of strange things and very vivid memories about details (the room etc). I keep feeling overhwelmed by a sense of panic and bursting into tears.

Have had counselling which is helping but I don't know what to do next. I feel very alone as can't even bring myself to tell DP. I don't know what it would do to him. I'm also struggling believing myself as well. I keep wondering whether I could be falsely remembering something.If it's true it would explain an awful lot about my lack of self-esteem and problems with bonding/sex over the years but until I can remember the actual act I'm not going to be 100% convinced and it's eating away at me...

Bumping for you. Hope someone who has experience comes along soon. xx

I have no experience (I am not a professional)

is your mum around? do you know why your dad left? perhaps your mum knows something? Why did they split?

I have heard about poor counsellors being responsible for false memories - did the memories come before the counselling or during?

Hypnotism?

Thanks Spoo and Hecate.
My Dad left for another woman and I hardly saw him again after that. Yes, I see my Mum quite frequently but I could never ask her about this - it's impossible for various reasons. I have to assume she didn't know (if it did happen) or I can never look at her again.

My counsellor is excellent, very highly regarded and hasn't suggested anything to me at all - the stuff just came back to me on its own. I was already in counselling for a different reason and this stuff came back one day for no apparent reason....

You poor thing. What an awful situation.

Hi,

I have no advice but I have a similar thing here. I was told by my Nan & my Mums best friend that I was sexually abused by my half brother aged 5/6yo. My Mum died when I was 11yo and my Dad was around sometimes, mainly in prison though for sexually abusing my h/brother...its confusing but my h/brother abused me after my Dad after him..
My h/brother is 11yrs older than me.

I havent seen my h/brother since I was 11yo - at my Mums funeral. I have spoken to him once on the phone before knowing all this and at the time I wanted to get back into contact with him ..but now, I really dont know.

I have depression problems anyway from my childhood, and my last 5yr relationship with my Childrens father (d/v and extremely controlling/trapped in foreign country etc) and I thought I was dealing with that (ads, done a bit of counselling but didnt find it much use) but since finding not only I was abused my Dad also abused my best friend has really hit me...I'm having good & bad days.

Sorry, as I said I am not much help but you are not alone.

Hugs to you.

"This stuff has come back one day for no apparent reason"

You are reliving the past, bringing all the memories forward. Keep talking and they will keep coming.

Personally I didnt enjoy counselling, talking and talking with the counsellor sat opposite with a dodgy grin on her face and rarely a word came out..

Claire I'm so sorry for what you have been through. Thank you for sharing your experiences; I hope it hasn't dragged it all up again for you.

I'm not sure what is worse - knowing for definite or not knowing for definite. At the moment I'd like to know once and for all so i can begin to get through this. But I don't know if that would be worse as I have a very strong feeling about what the abuse actually involved and I don't know if I can actually face that.

Not at all! I am happy to talk about anything really I just feel at times that I should perhaps deal with it once and for all and move on - thats the bit I struggle with, I deal with it a bit then block it then try to move on and am unable to.

My sister is aware of all that went on but she's always said that she cant deal with it till our Dad is dead ..so its just me wanting to deal with it, her blocking it out till shes ready to come to terms with everything thats happened.

I personally think that you can't block things out forever and it will come and get you again one day..like you could push it aside and say you've dealt with it by now vaguely knowing what happened but in reality you won't ever know the true story unless you confront your Mother & Father. I am just the same, I can't and will not confront my Father about what went on, he got not guilty for the case against my h/brother and has always been adamant he didnt do it. I always knew he did, even from a young age I just sensed it (more complicated so will stop else I'll end up going on and on and on, sorry). But hearing my friend tell me what happened then finding out I was also abused, I dont know how to deal with it without having to confront...

You can speak about it at counselling and hope it all comes out but there will always be parts where you may think "What did happen" and "Why" etc etc

Sorry I really dont feel much help here, feel more like I am ranting on about myself/my own problems.

someone close to me was abused by a close family member as a child. Knew it had happened but the details were hazy. She had been affected all her life. However, many years later she started to remember more about the abuse and now has taken steps to prosecute her abuser, as she just couldn't rest that he had done that and was possibly out there doing it to someone else. It has stirred up a huge hornets nest of emotions for her, and several of her family members have fallen out with her/not supported her cause they can't deal with it. Its a very strange time, but her life has not been 'normal' because ofwhat happened to her, and I think she will finally get some closure for dealing with it.

There's 2 Options in it all.

1- finding everything out for definite then dealing with whatever the outcome may be.

2- Ignoring/blocking everything and moving on, past is past..

Claire thank you, you have really helped me in lots of ways.I feel a lot better for being able to say it here and not be disbelieved (as I assume my family will not accept it after all this time....)
I'm not sure what i'll do now. I need more time to think about the fall-out if I do ask my Mum. i can't face that at the moment.

I think you are very, very brave Claire for dealing with it all the way you have done. Counselling is torture at times but does feel like it will be worth it in the end.

Gemmiewhat you have described really resonates with me. I feel very much like that at the moment and it's reassuring to know that I'm not alone in this experience (was beginning to feel as if I was going mad). I feel v. sad for your friend.

Hi, ilovecremeeggs. I've just joined mumsnet and read this thread for the first time.

I hope you don't think I'm being nosy but I was just wondering how you're getting on? I may well be in a similar situation myself.

Both myself and my younger sister suffer with depression, lack of self esteem, low confidence, anxiety etc. We have seen mental health professionals completely independently of each other who have both provided the same diagnosis: we must have been abused as very young children.

Our father was an alcoholic and I now have a very difficult relationship with him. My sister has totally dismissed the notion of abuse but I just don't know what to do. I can't help feeling desperately angry and nauseous. My sex life has just completely deteriorated as I can't concentrate with my husband - I keep having horrific and inappropriate feelings.

Part of me agrees with Claire2009's second option - ignore it. However I can't seem to gain closure and move on so maybe I need suitable therapy?

I have a 9 month old boy and I'm currently prescribed antidepressants for postnatal depression. I need to get better for him.

I'm sorry for waffling on - this is the first time I've ever posted a message. I hope I don't appear desperately self -absorbed. I'd be grateful for any advice.

Many thanks.

I don't know if anyone's still reading this thread, but I had to post. I often feel very alone in my experience particularly the fact that I was so young when I was abused. Its good to read from others who struggle with the memories/self doubt as well as how it effects me in my daily life

I was abused by my father from age 3 - 5. I also struggle with the 'truth' of it as I have hazy memories. I remember what happened, and I instinctively know who, but I don't know in an adult sense - how often, how long, who exactly (if that makes sense). It has caused me crippling self doubt and I've not been able to confront my father, let alone go down a legal route.

I've had therapy for a long time, and it seems to me that you can't just consign the past to the past if you haven't dealt with it. I too have gone round in circles sometimes being able to deal with it and other times not. I think this is a normal process of dealing with trauma. I've often felt I'd just like to get it over with but it doesn't work like that.

I think too that an abuser in the family will have its ripple effect in the family - my mother and brother do not believe me and I am effectively estranged from them....but we were/are an incredibly dysfunctional family anyway, so this has been the tipping point rather than the reason for us not being a family.

On the counselling bit, definitely look at different types of counselling/therapy. I went to counselling when I was young and it was totally wrong for me - the sitting and saying nothing for an hour scenario - awful! so when I came round to doing it again I checked out the different types and went for something more interactive and dynamic. This has been great for me, and as hard as it still is, I have resolved a lot with it.

well, I hope that you are finding some start to resolution creme eggs. I'm not convinced that I will ever really 'know' but I DO know. I have flirted with the idea of hypnosis, but I'm not sure about it....happy to talk more if anyone else posts.